This portion of Exercise 3 is going to be a little more difficult for me than one would think. I think the reason for this is that I have strayed away from a mentality where I have tried to pattern my life after other individuals. Yes, there are people that I admire... and perhaps I shall list them... but, for the most part, I don't pick any particular individuals as "role models".
When I was a child, I used to attach myself to other people's "role models", in particularly my cousin, Chris. Chris and I grew up a few streets apart, and were in the same grade at school. He was my childhood chum. Chris was a few months older than me, so I was always comfortable being his "follower". I have always manifested a somewhat meek personality, especially when I was young. Because of this, I must have carried around a significant amount of insecurity as a child, and didn't fully begin to shake a great deal of that until I was in high school.
As a child, Chris loved airplanes. I, too, loved airplanes... but, mainly because Chris did. I would seek to learn what information he would throw my direction. In addition to this love of aviation, I would also follow Chris's lead when it came to the role models that he would try and identify with. I remember Chris being an avid Los Angeles Rams fan. I recall endless conversations about the likes of Fran Tarkenton and..... oh, screw it..... I'm lucky I remember Fran Tarkenton's name. My love of the Rams (and football in general) was based simply off of Chris's obsession with it. I wanted to fit in with him, as well as my peers.
My reason for rambling on about my grade school years is to make that point that I would create role models for myself, especially at a young age. Where some of the more confident children would openly idolize their sports heroes (like Fran Tarkenton), I idolized Chris. I don't believe that it was my intention to, but Chris seemed to know everything.
It wasn't until I was in junior high that I really began to form heroes of my own... and that came in the form of musicians. "Yes", you're saying.... "THAT is the group of people for you to pattern your life after". Oh... wait... you were being sarcastic? Ah, who am I fooling?? However, this was, in fact, the people that I really began to idolize. I think it must have been the image purveyed by my favorite musical group (as a teen) that really laid the path for who I would become as an adolescent.
Cheap Trick were a quirky four-piece Rock band from Illinois, with two of the members being good looking, fashionably dressed (well, as fashionably dressed as one could be in 1978) individuals, while the other two members were... well...not. Bun E. Carlos, the drummer, would simply wear his short sleeved, white dress shirt and tie, dark dress slacks, with a cigarette hanging out his mouth. And, NO... before you ask... I did NOT take up smoking on account of Bun E.'s incessant habit. However, the other "reject" in the group was Rick Nelson... guitarist extraordinaire. Rick, at one point in his career, owned over 500 guitars, most of them custom made to display a song title... or an object... or, in one case, HIMSELF. Either way, through the first 4 albums of their career, you would find Rick Nelson dressed in cardigan sweaters and dress pants, with a ball cap on his head. He was a nerd. He was proud to be a nerd. He knew he would never be the sex symbols that Robin Zander and Tom Petterson were, so he embraced his quirky nature and ran with it. I admired that. I knew that I wasn't ever going to be a jock. I knew that I was never going to be big. I was always going to be average. Average height, average weight, average shoe size, average looks, average... well... you get the point. Rick Nelson gave me the confidence to embrace who I was, and possibly even manipulate my appearance with quirky little accessories to make myself stand out. And... he helped give me my love of music.
Now, for the record, I never did take much stock in the Rock'n'Roll lifestyle OR the attitude. I loved the people that ran a little left of the mainstream. I vividly remember reading an article about REO SPEEDWAGON, when I was in 9th grade. It was one of the teen rags that would highlight whomever was at the top of Pop Culture. This happened to be after the release of HiInfedelity, the REO album that made them a household name. I loved that album. Many a night would I spend out in the living room... accordion door pulled shut... tennis racket in hand, pretending to be Gary Richrath (REO's guitarist at the time) playing the guitar solo from "FOLLOW MY HEART" as if I were, in fact, Rock's greatest guitarist. HEY!! MR. DAHL!! WHAT IS YOUR POINT?!? My point is that as much as I wanted to BE the big shots in my favorite bands, the guy I embraced as my role model was REO's drummer, Alan Gratzer. In this "teen rag"... you know, the one I was speaking of way back there, in the early part of this boring story... there was a short bio about each of the band members. In the short bio, the members were asked to describe their cars, their home, some of the things that they had acquired along with their celebrity. I remember seeing Mercedes Benz cars listed, rather expansive homes, all the things that you would expect to see from a Rock star. Alan Gratzer, on the other hand, was married... he had a wife and children... and lived in a 3 bedroom home and drove a Volvo station wagon. I was touched by his humility and his ability to lead, at least what appeared to be, a normal life.
As I have grown into an adult, something which I am STILL in the process of doing, I have looked elsewhere for the admirable traits that I have, at the very least, WANTED to emulate in my life. I have not always been successful, as I am who I am, and it is often difficult to be someone you are not. I try... sometimes I succeed... sometimes I fail.
One such example to me was that of my high school choir teacher. Some of my high school friends that may stumble across this blog post (via Facebook) will remember the quiet, professional dignity of Mr. Flinders. There was one trait that Mr. Flinders exhibited that I always held above the rest... and that was his patience. Not only his patience, but his ability to control over 100 students. Sure, Mr. Flinders had to reprove some of us, but he had a quiet, intense way of demanding our respect. I have ALWAYS wanted to handle people the way he did... and I have always failed.
Another person that I have always wanted to emulate... and may I add, MOST importantly... is that of Jesus. As I have become an adult I have reflected on the example of Jesus Christ, and the example of how He lived. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I am preaching my religion here, because I am not. If anything, I have separated my feelings about the example and life of Christ, APART from the way many Christians will do. Too many people in our world use the life and ministry of Christ as a catalyst to spread intolerance and hate.... two things that I have NEVER found in the teachings of Christ. Christ exemplified humility. He showed an unfailing patience. He told us to show only love for our fellow man. He told us that we should forgive those that have wronged us in any way. All of these things seem to contrast the attitude that too many "Christians" seem to emulate, in our world.
Another example to me is my father. Now, I know that my father will probably never read this, so I will be very candid about my relationship with him. First, let me say that my father is a good man and that I do love him. In retrospect, I think that I have spent a significant amount of my life trying to please him and feel that I have fallen short of that. In many ways, I think my father has had a difficult time understanding that we all have our own struggles in life, and we are anything but perfect. Especially me. Where my father really has been an example to me, is how he has taken a lifetime of physical adversity and used it as a catalyst to increase his faith in God. He has been diabetic since his early 30's (if not his late 20's) and has suffered all types of health problems over the years.
Serious health problems began to plague him back in the mid to late 80's, when he experienced kidney failure. At the time, I was serving a mission for my church, and was absent through the first half of his kidney problems. Before I had left on my mission, my dad was (for the most part) a rather jovial human being. He had a sense of humor and had always dealt with teens in a very good way. He was very popular with all the teenagers that dealt with him. After his kidney failure, his life seemed to take on a much more sober approach. Part of that, I'm sure, had to do with months of Dialysis, seeing people come and go... often to their graves. It must have been a horrible experience, not to mention the inner conflict of wondering IF and WHEN his kidney would become available. By time all was said and done, he received his kidney in May of 1989. Most doctors stated that the average life of a transplanted kidney is 8-10 years. Here we are, nearly 22 years later, and my father is still plugging along with that same kidney. After his transplant... and, more accurately, after his initial kidney failure... he really became a more serious person. Part of that was an introspection brought on by his endless hours of contemplating his mortality. At the same time, his faith in God really seemed to take off... just when many people might turn away from God, wondering why such horrible things were happening to THEM. I admire that quality in my father. I respect the way he has been able to turn the subsequent health problems (including amputation of his foot, endless eye problems, excessive weight gain due to many of his anti-rejection medications) into a catalyst to draw himself closer to his spiritual beliefs.
While I don't always see eye to eye with my father's spiritual and political beliefs, I do admire his faith and determination to NOT let his physical trials get him down.
If there is any trait that I would like to adopt... if it is at all possible for me... it would to become a more nurturing and loving father. I have always tried to be a "cool" dad... to be an open minded father... but, when it boils down to it, I seem to manifest the same impatience that I often from my own father. Especially, as my children have grown older. Sometimes my liberal approach to parenting has come back to bite me in the butt... other times I have not been nearly liberal enough to let my children stumble and fall, wanting to protect them from the dangers of the world. And, in reality, it's those times that we are down that we truly become better people.
So, to summarize this long reflection of my life, it is time for me to take what I have learned over the last 43 years and create my "ideal" self. My ideal self would be an all loving person, like Christ.... someone who is tolerant of everyone, regardless of their spiritual beliefs, their sexual orientation, or the way that they may treat me, personally. I would be a patient person, like Mr. Flinders. I would be a person that can take endless trials and use them to my betterment, like my father. I would like to be a truly humble person, someone who is comfortable with what he has and without feeling a need to have more. Okay... I think I have this one taken care of, but I am still thankful for Alan Gratzer's example of (at least what seemed to be) humility.
I have a long ways to go. I know that. However, I don't dwell on that. I take my life one day at a time, hoping that when I go to bed at night, I wake up a better person. THAT is all I can ask of myself...
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