Being instructed to write a list of those that I have hurt did, in fact, make me feel a little emotional. For the most part, I go through life trying NOT to hurt people. It's not always the case. More than anything else, I probably feel pain from the hurt I have caused my immediate family over the last several months. For those of you who don't know me... or have just been outside of the loop... I separated from my wife of 21 years. In retrospect, we were two people that complimented each other in some ways, but were desperately different in others. It's difficult for me to look back on some of those memories without becoming VERY emotionally attached. At the same time, I know that in the end, Tiffany and I will both be happier people. In addition to the pain that I have caused Tiffany, I also have regrets about the way I interacted with my daughters. I have three daughters, the oldest 19 and the youngest 15. My middle daughter (who is 16) and I have always been fairly close. That is party because she has always been an inquisitive person and will constantly initiate conversations. She is also very social. My other daughters, while social to an extent, are not quick to initiate conversations. Being a man, I often don't know what girls really want to talk about. I have felt uncomfortable talking to them about anything besides music. I often felt that if they had "boy troubles" that they would go to their mother. They have always been very close to Tiffany, and I let those relationships flourish, without interfering too much. I regret that I didn't take a more focused role in their lives.
I am sure there have been other people over the years that I have hurt or offended in some ways. If you happen to be one of them, I am truly sorry for any hurt that I may have caused you.
THE GIFT OF RELEASE
The central focus of the next 24 hours will be RELEASING those things that have weighed down on me over the past 24 hours. One of the most important things we can do is to let go of things that may diminish our internal flames. I often think of the wise words of Eckhart Tolle in any of his published works, but most importantly his book, THE POWER OF NOW. One of his most recurring topics is that of letting go of the past and not dwelling on the future. I have a dear friend who is going through a lot of uncertainty in her life, and I often think of how her life would be easier if she didn't dwell so much on the future. While it is important to NOT move through life blindly, it is equally imperative that we don't bog ourselves down with those things that we can't control. The only part of our lives that truly matters is the present.... those things that we are currently experiencing. Suppose we have a root canal coming up three weeks down the road. We are frightened to death of the dentist, but it needs to be done to save the tooth. If we dwell on it for those three weeks, not only will it cause us discomfort the day that it takes place, but it will ruin the three weeks leading up to it. If we make it a point to NOT pay heed to the dreaded thoughts, we can continue on with a happy, productive life, with only a couple hours of discomfort (the root canal) along the way.
The first exercise that I am told to do is to think of all the mean things that have been said to me over the years. All the times that I was told I was weak or overweight. The times that I was picked last to play sports, in junior high (which was nearly every time). And then there were the times throughout my adolescence that I was told I had a "bad attitude". Yes, in retrospect, I probably did. I felt bad about it, but I had a hard time controlling it.
Next, I am to list the negative things that I have told MYSELF. "You're worthless and weak.... what are you going to do with your life?!?" Well... that's easy. "I wanna rock". Seriously, I have told myself negative things throughout my life. I have often chided myself for not having a college degree. For not having the successful life of my brother. For not pursuing a better education to allow myself the opportunities for any career I wanted. For having bad acne (adolescence). For having acne scars (now). For being a little overweight (up until 9 months ago). For being insensitive (almost all the time). For not being a good husband or father (often). For being spiritually weak (on a regular basis).
In the exercise, I am told to imagine that each of the negative things that have been said to me, either by others or by myself, is a pellet of pesticide. Then, after pondering about the plethora of negative things that I have been told over the years, I am to imagine that all these pellets are put together into a brick. How big is the brick? How heavy is it? Truth be told, in my life, my brick would be much smaller than many people's.
I will conclude Day 3, tomorrow... and continue with another exercise where I rank several "emotional" traits, on a scale of 1-10. It'll be fun, so come back to see just how "passionate" I am.
The first exercise that I am told to do is to think of all the mean things that have been said to me over the years. All the times that I was told I was weak or overweight. The times that I was picked last to play sports, in junior high (which was nearly every time). And then there were the times throughout my adolescence that I was told I had a "bad attitude". Yes, in retrospect, I probably did. I felt bad about it, but I had a hard time controlling it.
Next, I am to list the negative things that I have told MYSELF. "You're worthless and weak.... what are you going to do with your life?!?" Well... that's easy. "I wanna rock". Seriously, I have told myself negative things throughout my life. I have often chided myself for not having a college degree. For not having the successful life of my brother. For not pursuing a better education to allow myself the opportunities for any career I wanted. For having bad acne (adolescence). For having acne scars (now). For being a little overweight (up until 9 months ago). For being insensitive (almost all the time). For not being a good husband or father (often). For being spiritually weak (on a regular basis).
In the exercise, I am told to imagine that each of the negative things that have been said to me, either by others or by myself, is a pellet of pesticide. Then, after pondering about the plethora of negative things that I have been told over the years, I am to imagine that all these pellets are put together into a brick. How big is the brick? How heavy is it? Truth be told, in my life, my brick would be much smaller than many people's.
I will conclude Day 3, tomorrow... and continue with another exercise where I rank several "emotional" traits, on a scale of 1-10. It'll be fun, so come back to see just how "passionate" I am.
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