I would have to say that the quality that people tend to perceive me as, is that of "Extrovert". Because I can be an extremely outgoing person is some situations, people often think that I have no shame, when it comes to putting myself out on display. The reality is that I tend to be a fairly private person (so says the guy that seems to be putting a great deal of his personal life into a series of blog posts) that would prefer being at home, doing his own thing, over most social events. Frankly, I can't stand being in environments or groups of people, where the majority of people put on their "phony" face and try to portray themselves as something that they are not. Many people in "high society" seem to come across as anything but genuine.
The book also reminds me that I am NOT to blame the people "out there", but that I am to take full responsibility for the potential that I, myself, created the disparity. Hey, it's true... I won't deny it. I ofttimes come across as a very social person, when I am not. Plain and simple.
Anyhoo..... on to identifying my IDEAL Self.
What exactly, you ask, is an Ideal Self? Well, let me explain...
The Ideal Self is the Self that we would really LIKE to be. It is a "fantasy" self. Often times, we will strive to pattern ourselves after our perception of another person. It is usually harmless, and in the case of teenagers, actually helps us to define who we will eventually become.
I remember when I was back in high school. Many of the clothes that I wore were reflections of the musical artists that I listened to. I was a big fan of Paul Weller's band, THE STYLE COUNCIL. I would watch Style Council concert videos and use Paul Weller's outfits as a model of what I wanted to dress like. Or, perhaps I would see a hairdo that looked like something I wanted to model. Well, as far as my thick, wiry hair would allow. Sheesh... thick, wiry hair? Whoduthunk?!?
I am now going to go through the list in the book and highlight those traits that I do NOT feel that I currently have, but would like to have as part of my "ideal" Self.
- Extroverted: It would be nice to actually be completely comfortable going out of my way to talk to people. For anyone from the Salt Lake area that watches the KUTV (Channel 2) morning news, you may be familiar with a young woman that does different fitness routines, on Thursday mornings. This young woman was from my last LDS "ward" (a church congregation) and I will never forget the first time that we met anyone from the ward. It was the annual Christmas party and we walked through the door, only knowing a couple people. Young Megan (who was probably 17 or 18, at the time) immediately left her family and came and sat by my family, openly engaging us in conversation. I was truly envious of her ability to leave her comfort zone.... ah, who am I fooling... her "comfort zone" is ENORMOUS.
- Talkative: In a related story to the above mentioned person, I also have another close friend that seems to have the ability to talk to ANYONE, at any time. She travels a lot and will strike up conversations on the airplanes with just about anyone who is willing to talk. Me? I get on an airplane and count down the minutes until the plane has lifted off, so I can get my noise canceling headphones back on, and lose myself in my music.
- Intellectual: Over the past couple of days, I have been giving great thought about going back to school. I may be 43 years old, and it may take me until I'm 50 to get a Bachelor's Degree, but I feel a very strong need to study Psychology. I have too many people in my life that are in great need of someone who can understand their emotional and mental needs, and I would like to have some kind of knowledge in the field. Heck, maybe I could become an actual therapist by time I'm 55!
- A Strong Leader: In my last LDS ward, I was immediately thrust into the position of Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts of America. This is a position that requires a strong leader. An organized leader. A focused leader. I'm not any of them. If it weren't for the talented bunch of men and women that assisted me, I would have failed miserably. I have also served in a couple of subsequent leadership positions, in my church, yet still don't feel like I'm truly qualified for any of those positions. I had a desire to help... to do those things that most people try and escape from (service projects)... but never considered myself a leader. I could really dig being one.
- Courageous: Courageous? Yeah... not me. I was the kid that was scared to death to turn 18, because I didn't even want the remote possibility of being drafted into the military, not to mention being shipped off to war. I'm a chicken... plain and simple.
- Ambitious: To quote the musical group, GOLDEN PALOMINOS, 'my ambitions are wake up, breathe, keep breathing...' Hmmm... I could probably use some more ambitions... like going back to school.
- Sexy: I could really use some classically handsome features. Like George Michael, any of the actors to play James Bond... or Marty Feldman.
- A nurturer: If I have one regret, as a father, it's that I was never very nurturing. I know that the nurturing usually comes from "mother", but I could have used a little more that I seem to manifest. If my daughters would come to me with a "boo-boo", I'd say something akin to, "Oh, it's nothing... stop crying... you'll be fine." Geez, I'm an arse.
- Practical: Practical. Heck, I don't even think I really know what that means! Oh... yeah... practical would be like my friend, Kristy Bassett, who is the queen of coupon shoppers. She would rather stock up on 5 of something, rather than let a good coupon go to waste. I don't even know how to cut coupons out of the newspaper. That's practical.
- Trusting: Sure... leave your Black Lab (NOT on a hot day) in your mother-in-law's piece of crap car for a short while, only to find that the dog has completely shredded the interior of the car, and you are NEVER trusted again. Or am I the only one that this has happened to?
- Energetic: I'm tired. I'm almost always tired. My job is exhausting. I can't even function without a bottle of Mountain Dew, in the morning. Heck, I can hardly function now. I wish I were energetic.
- Hardworking: I'm VERY hard working at work.... it's when I get home that I struggle. I'd like to be hardworking all day long. That'd be swell.
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