Ah.... Day 4....The Gift of Forgiveness. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Something that hits VERY close to home. Forgiveness is something that I believe each and every one of us could utilize a little more. Some more than others. With the possible exception of a guy I work with. His nickname is "Smiley", and that sums up everything about him. I have literally never met an individual like him. He literally smiles nearly all the time and, in my years of being acquainted with him, has shown no guile whatsoever. He can receive a "letter of warning" (a form of Postal discipline) and, although a little perplexed about the situation, still walk out of the manager's office with a smile on his face. Oh, if we could all be like him.
I think that, although I consider myself a fairly forgiving person, I have a long way to go before I have the principle of forgiveness mastered. Christine Campbell, if you're out there, I STILL remember the time I asked you to dance, back when I was in 8th grade. I still vividly remember you saying to me, "I'd rather not." Was it because I was a zit riddled kid? Was it because you were in 9th grade and wouldn't be seen with an 8th grader? Did I smell? WHAT WAS IT?!?!? *pfft* As you can see, I have some things I still need to work out.
If I can, I'd like to the words of Debbie Ford, in her book "The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse". In her book, Ms. Ford describes how we can only achieve the person we want to become, when we can shed the chains of our past that keep us prisoner from our true potential. She states: "You must give up all your old ways of thinking, being, acting and behaving in order to form new patterns of life based on who you know you can be rather than who you've been in your past. And you cannot do this until you release your ties to those who have harmed you, left you, deceived you, or hurt you in any way."
For those of you who know me, you are probably aware that I have recently separated from my wife of 21 years. I do not blame her for the dissolution of our marriage, but know that her upbringing created a deep seeded inability to truly forgive. It wasn't her fault. It was an already existing cycle of negativity that made it difficult for her to let go of things that I did. I take full responsibility for doing the things that led to the unbreakable cycle of hurt that eventually led to the demise of our relationship. At the same time, I know that if BOTH of us had had the ability to truly forgive each other, as well as everyone else that had caused us emotional harm, we probably would have survived as a couple. As a matter of fact, I have no doubt about that. Again, I don't lay the blame at her feet.... ultimately, I take that burden upon myself.
Again, let me revisit the words of Debbie Brown.
"Without forgiving all those you have harbored bad feelings toward, you continue to be imprisoned by your past. If you do not cut the cords of resentment, you will be held captive by the very people you are trying to get away from."
Wow.... how true is that?
"Without activating this most powerful agent of change, you will continually have hooks binding you to the incidents that caused the resentment in the first place. Because the outer world is a reflection of your inner world, these hooks throw out energy and will ensure that you re-create, in other situations, the same bad feelings you are holding on to inside yourself."
This is SO true. I know... it's something I have lived through. It breaks my heart to see those that I care about end up in and endless cycle of hurt and pain because they don't know how to forgive those that have hurt them. As a Christian, I am often humbled by the teachings and admonition of Christ, when he commanded us to forgive those that have hurt us... not just once, but "seventy times seven". It breaks my heart when I see so many people, who profess to be Christians, refusing to forgive those that may have caused them pain and suffering.
This reminds me of another story. I used to work with a girl that seemed to be enveloped in negative energy. Apart from her small circle of friends, she seemed to openly loath everyone around her. I didn't take it personally, and tried to just recognize it as her personality. Then, during the course of our working relationship, I found out that she worked at a local catalog company's warehouse. This company was mentioned in a conversation on a local radio program, referring to rumors that a box with over a thousand Brown Recluse spiders had been shipped to the company from Africa, releasing the army of extremely dangerous spiders into the warehouse. Because this species of spider is rare to the area, the radio hosts had speculated that it wasn't true. They attempted to contact the company and were intentionally blown off. If my effort to help resolve the situation, I asked the girl I worked with, if the story were true. She said that it was, if fact, true, so I proceeded to call the radio show and let them know that "my co-worker from the (name withheld) Post Office" had confirmed the story. Without any names being used, her company put two and two together and realized that this girl had indirectly gotten the story on the radio, which they had been fighting tirelessly to prevent from happening. I had no idea that the company was trying to keep a lid on it, and my sharing the story was an innocent gesture to try and put to rest a debate that had actually surfaced on two subsequent days. In the end, this girl lost her job with this company. She was livid and lashed out at me. I profusely apologized, and told her that I would contact the company and let them know that it wasn't her fault, that it had actually been my fault. In the end, she got her job back with the company. I didn't even need to contact them. One would think that the drama would have ended at that point right? Right? Wrong. To this day, I believe that she still harbors a grudge against me, even though she never did permanently lose her job. It was an innocent thing. If I had ever known that it would have put her job on the line, I would have never contacted the radio station.
For months, I dreaded going to work. I hated to face her, knowing how much she disliked me. It was very difficult for me. At one point, I had even considered bidding out of the office, just so I could get away from her negativity and anger. Knowing that one can never run away from problems, I eventually decided to stay. But, also knowing that I needed to be happy, I simply resolved to let it all go. To NOT worry about it. All I could do was tell myself that I was not going to let my life be affected by HER inability to forgive.
This is the practice that we all need to take on... as difficult as it may be. We need to list all those that have hurt us, and do everything in our power to forgive them. Life is too short to fill it with hate and anger. I have a very passionate belief in this, and I hope that if YOU are harboring these types of feelings, to anyone in your lives, that you will be able to let them go.
In his book, "A NEW EARTH", spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, talks about this. He likens our human nature to hold grudges to that of the duck. We have heard the statement that we need to shed anger like water from a duck. Eckhart takes it one step further. He refers to the behavior of ducks when they find themselves in conflict with other water fowl. Two ducks will engage each other, proceed with what we would consider a fight, then immediately after the conflict has seemingly finished, they will erupt into a frenzy of flapping wings. Then, after they seem to have completely shed the energy that has engulfed them, they drift away (assuming they are in the water) as if nothing happened. They seem to have the ability to shed the chains of resentment and contentment in a matter of seconds, and continue on with their lives as if nothing has happened. That is what WE, as human beings, need to do. When we bury that hate and resentment deep inside ourselves, we not only affect our lives for (literally) years to come, but the lives of everyone around us.
So... what are the "cleansing rituals" that I need to engage in? Well, tune in later today for that answer. I've been "yakkin'" on long enough. In the meantime, I hope that you, the reader, can take an inventory of YOUR lives. Think of those that have hurt you, and do what you need to break those chains that have held you back from reaching your greatest potential. By doing that, not only will your lives become more fulfilling, but so will the lives of those around you.
No comments:
Post a Comment