Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 10: SHAME

This next exercise is regarding shame.... shame being guilt's little brother. To further illustrate the close relationship between guilt and shame, I will quote from the book "Radical Self-Forgiveness", by Colin Tipping.

To be shamed is to be made to feel worthless, bad, undeserving, less than, and simply no good. The result of being consistently and severely shamed is a feeling of considerable self-loathing.

The saboteur self is also always looking for opportunities to create problems for us by defending some of our shame-based, core negative beliefs about ourselves, such as, "I am worthless," "I am bad," "I am no good", and so on.

In his book, Mr. Tipping also shares the five steps in the process of transforming your core negative beliefs. These are:

1. Discover
2. Recognize
3. Evaluate
4. Neutralize
5. Transform

This exercise will deal with me discovering my core negative beliefs. Most people are aware of their core negative beliefs. One of the worst things we can do is play these core beliefs over and over in our minds, convincing ourselves that we are actually what we "think" we are.

For beliefs that are more deeply buried in the subconscious mind, we might have to do some real detective work to uncover them completely. One way to uncover what we subconsciously feel about ourselves is to observe what is actually showing up in our lives. Life will always mirror your beliefs for you, no matter what they are. Here are a couple of examples:

Observation: I don't have much of anything in my life.
Likely belief: I am not deserving of nor worthy of it.

Observation: I always seem to screw things up.
Likely belief: I can never do it right.

Also, through the Law of Attraction, you will attract people into your life who will treat you exactly in accordance with these beliefs. This helps even more in discovering what they are. For example:

Observation: People seem not to notice me.
Likely Belief: I am invisible.

Observation: People are always trying to change me.
Likely Belief: I am not okay the way I am.

Observation: My relationships never last long.
Likely Belief: I am unlovable.

The exercise which I am going to do, is take from a list included in the book, RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS, and list things that I feel may be Core Negative Beliefs that are buried within me. The things that I list may seem a little negative... well... they are ALL negative (after all, they ARE Core Negative Beliefs) and will seem a little sad, but like so many people in this world, I do have beliefs that I struggle with.

I was raised in a good home, by good parents, but always seemed to struggle with self-esteem issues...at least during the early part of my life. I was always the last kid to get picked for sports teams, when I was in Jr. High. I had no desire to play any kind of sports, because I felt that I would be a failure at whatever I did. I always felt like I wasn't one of the cool kids, and struggled to settle into an attitude that I was never going to be as cool as some of the other kids. Also, as stated in my last post (Guilt), I struggled with feelings of filthiness, because of habits that I had as an adolescent. Even today, I struggle with minor insecurities that probably stem from Core Negative Beliefs. Allow me to list a few:

• I have to be perfect to be loved.
• I have to struggle/work hard for everything.
• I never quite measure up.
• Others are more important than me.
• I can never do it right.
• I don't deserve love.
• I'm always left out of everything.
• I'll never be good enough.
• Something must be wrong with me.
• I'll never be a success.
• It's not safe to be me.
• I am spiritually flawed.

I need to point out that several of the items on the list are things that have plagued me during the earlier parts of my life, and that several of the things listed are things that haunt me today. Although most people don't openly talk about negative feelings that they may have for themselves, it is my belief that most of us struggle with similar things. This life is a proving ground to try and overcome things that my "hold us back".

I have made many mistakes in my life. I will continue to make more. I have struggled with feelings of little self-worth, and I may even occasionally battle similar thoughts. When I wake up in the morning, I want to be a better, stronger, more loving person than I was the day before. If I can make it a goal to shed my Core Negative Beliefs and embrace the good qualities that I know I have, I can attain that goal. It's my hope that we can all do likewise.