My Mind and Body Wellness Blog

Words to Live By.... No Matter Who You are!

2011-08-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

CHRISTIANITY: All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye so to them; for this is the law and the prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

CONFUCIANISM: Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no resentment against you, either in the family or in the state. (Analects 12:2)

BUDDHISM: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. (Udana-Varga 5,18)

HINDUISM: This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you. (Mahabharata 5,15,17)

ISLAM: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. (40 Hadith of an-Nawawi 13)

JUDAISM: What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. (Talmud, Shabbat 3id)

TAOISM: Regard your neighbor's gain as your gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss. (Tai Shang Kan Yin P'ien)

WICCAN: Whatever you send out, to you comes back times three. (The Three-fold Law)

Simply put........ 'nuff said.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 13: THIS IS WHO I AM

2011-03-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

This exercise is simple....... in theory. It may not be so easy as I put pen to paper... or fingers to keyboard... but I will do my best. In this exercise, I have been instructed to write a journal entry and write a description of who I am today, listing both my positive and negative attributes. This is going to be interesting...

This is who I am...

Who, exactly is Michael Sean Dahl? In this journey of mortality, who is he compared to the person he was 20 years ago? 10 years ago? A year ago? Let's find out, shall we?

If you have been reading my exercises up to this point, you will know that I am a recently separated father of three girls. I'm LDS (you know... the Mormons). I'm a mostly "left" leaning individual. I'm a drummer (not literally) that walks to the beat of my own drum.

These descriptions may describe me in a few simple words, but they don't really describe the person that I am. In fact, I don't even know if I have truly decided who I am. This past 5 months (the amount of time that has passed since I separated from my wife of 21 years) has been a journey of self-discovery. It has been a time for me to venture out (nearly) on my own and ponder exactly who I am. The reality of my situation is that I am still struggling through that process.

I was born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons) and have been an active member my entire life. There have been periods where my "activity" may have been a little sub-par, but I have always maintained fairly regular attendance to my meetings. As I reflect back over my life, I have often times been a person that has been in tune with my spiritual and religious upbringing, and other times "not-so-much". I have observed those around me and seen people of all varieties. There are those that were, as we often say, "born into the Church", that always seem to maintain a strong faith in what they believe, and go throughout their lives rarely, if ever, deviating from those things that they were raised to believe. I have witnessed people that, although raised in the LDS Church, just seemed to cruise by, never completely falling away, but never completely immersing themselves in what they believe. I have seen many that, upon reaching adulthood, completely went the opposite direction, taking years and years of what they may have perceived to be some sort of personal "oppression" and completely rebelling from those beliefs, where they set out to consciously (and often subconsciously) do everything in complete opposition of the LDS belief structure. More often than not, I have witnessed people like myself. People that go to church on a near weekly basis, people that cling to their religious beliefs, but people that struggle with their own "demons" in life.

I think that, with the twists and turns that my life has taken over the past several months, I have spent more time seriously reflecting over what I actually believe. I can honestly say that in all these hours of reflection, I still have a very similar belief structure than I did, say...a year ago. Or even 10 years ago. One thing that has changed is how I look at my spiritual belief system. What this means is that where, perhaps many years ago, I used to just "go with the flow", attending meetings, doing things that I have been taught, all without thinking twice about them, NOW I will consciously ponder things. In many cases, I need to dissect things and seek some serious answers to...well... "life, the universe and everything".

To sum up the person that I am now, a big portion of it IS tied to my spiritual life. Religion aside, I have spent the last several years researching different philosophical ideas from other religions (Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism) as well as those ideas from today's contemporary "spiritual teachers", like Eckhart Tolle. With these spiritual teachers, religion is not the central theme (although many of these teachers will quote from teachings of Christ, the Buddha, as well as other key religious figures throughout the ages), but personal betterment and exercises to make the Spirit more in tune with it's purpose in this world. Between my religious upbringing and the spiritual ideas that I have encountered, I have actually forged a more solid idea of who I am as a spiritual being. In essence, it has actually helped me to more fully understand (for myself) all the things that I have been taught over the years.

Really, in respect to my spiritual and religious self, I think the only thing I can surmise is that I do have a definite spiritual belief structure. At the same time, I have also surmised that I don't think I (or anyone else for that matter) will fully understand all there is to know, until I have moved on from this life. The other thing that I have surmised is that I believe that God is an all wise, all knowing and all LOVING being. That He loves each of us individually, regardless of what race, religion, creed or personal background we hail from. I know that in MY life, I have made many mistakes. TOO many mistakes. But, at the same time, I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without having made many of those mistakes.

Who am I? I'm a spiritual person. I'm a person that is continually falling down, but hopefully pulling myself back up, dusting myself off, and doing my best to avoid tripping in the same spot. I'm a fun-loving person. I love to laugh. I love to be moved emotionally. I love to bask in the positive energy of those that have positive energy to share. I try to love everyone, unconditionally. It's hard... and I often fail... but I try. I am passionate about art, in it's many forms. I love music. I love cinema. I love literature. I love the beauty of the world. I love when it is captured in photographic or painted form. I love being with my friends. I love life. Most of the time.

Who am I? I'm me. I'm like no other. Nor would I want to be.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 12: MAKING THE NEGATIVES POSITIVE

2011-03-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

Up to this point, most of the exercises have been an open reflection of the things in my life that I have felt, or do feel, guilty about. Many of the exercises have had a negative feel about them, but it was a necessary thing to do in order to achieve a "self-forgiveness". In this exercises, I will be taking some of the negative things that I have felt guilt or shame about, and turning them into positive things.

Before I proceed, let me remind you of the five steps to transforming negative beliefs, which were previously described in Exercise 10 (Shame). They are:

Discover
Recognize
Evaluate
Neutralize
Transform

I have spent the two previous exercises going through the first three steps. With this step, it's time to NEUTRALIZE. How we neutralize the negative beliefs is to make them a positive thing. The first thing we need to do with these negative beliefs is to stop giving them energy. One way to successfully accomplish this is to turn these negative things around so that you are able to recognize what you were previously criticized for in a more positive light. For example, if you were criticized for being undisciplined, perhaps it could be seen as evidence of your creative mind and your ability to think laterally and outside the box. By taking this new approach, you diffuse the charge of the original criticism and thereby neutralize the shame-based belief. (Previous example and text taken from, or paraphrased from, RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS by Colin Tipping.

It is also important to remember that recasting these negative qualities or beliefs into a positive attribute is NOT the same thing as making an "affirmation". Many of us may recall the great Saturday Night Live character portrayed by (now Minnesota Senator) Al Franken, Stuart Smalley. The character, Stuart Smalley, was well known for being a sheepish, somewhat insecure character who would continually look into the mirror and speak daily affirmations, trying to convince himself of his positive values and attributes. With positive affirmations, the belief is that if you tell yourself positive messages enough, you will eventually believe them to be true. It never happens that way.

According to Colin Tipping, affirmations are very weak because they reside in your conscious mind and are, in effect, just another form of denial. The negative belief that you are trying to eliminate with your affirmation is fully alive in the subconscious mind and is many times more powerful than your affirmation, and it never gives way easily. When the chips are down and the belief gets activated, it will simply brush the affirmation aside.

So, the only surefire way to turn these negatives around, is to cast them into a positive light.

I will list some of my personal examples mentioned in the previous exercises and, this time around, cast them in a positive light.

As I mentioned in Exercise 9 (Guilt), probably my greatest negative belief (and associated guilt) is that of abandonment.... leaving my wife after twenty years of marriage. I know for a fact that I have been harshly judged by people that knew us, because they simply look at me as a guy who walked away from his family. I try not to take these criticisms too personally, as nobody really understands the situation except for those that walk in MY shoes, or the shoes of my estranged wife. For me, I have experienced a plethora of emotions over the past five months, ranging from relief to sadness to extreme guilt to happiness to peace to loneliness to anger. It has been a difficult several months, and I know that there are many more difficult months ahead, especially as I move closer to the finalization of divorce.

One thing that has acted as a comforting thought to me and, in reality, one of the major catalysts for my leaving Tiffany, is the fact that I honestly feel that Tiffany will eventually become a stronger, happier, more independent person. A person that she couldn't become as long as she was living under my shadow. I honestly see her blooming into an incredibly confident person, something that she has struggled to become all of her life. So, I feel that it was necessary to walk out on my marriage because I honestly feel that it is the only way Tiffany will reach her greatest potential, and happiness in life.

Another negative that may be attached to me is that of being "less spiritual" than other people of my religious background. In my church, there are many disciplined values that we strive to live by, and I sometimes fall short. My honest belief is that most people in my church fall short, but some try and hide it by putting on an air of self righteousness. My positive spin on my personal "falling short" is that I feel that I am a person who is exercising the "free agency" (that I believe to be the most important facet of this mortal life) by exploring things of a spiritual nature outside of the sometimes closed off belief system practiced by so many of my religious background. I don't think of myself as an evil person and I most certainly don't think of myself as a wicked person. I think of myself as a mortal person who has my own set of trials that I need to deal with, hopefully overcoming them in a way that will make me a stronger person. In my exploration of other spiritual belief systems, I have taken the positive messages that I have learned and incorporate them into my Mormon beliefs, creating a more solidified belief in the teachings and example of Christ, who is the "Author and Finisher of my Faith". By doing so, I feel that I have gained a greater acceptance and understanding of all my human brothers and sisters... much more than I would have garnered from simply ingesting all the things that were, for lack of a better description, "shoved down my throat" by some of the more conservative thinking members of my church.

As I reflect over my life, I don't think there are too many things that have cast a negative light on the person that I have become. If there were two biggies, it would be the ones mentioned. I know that they are the two that could really have a negative impact on who I am IF I didn't attach the positive beliefs to them. As a result of making these negatives a positive thing, I feel that I am not only a good enough person, but that I honestly am trying to make a positive difference in others' lives as well. I hope this turns out to be the case.

It is my hope that IF you have negatives in your life that have taken a toll on you reaching your greatest potential, that you will be able to find positive aspects to those things that some may view as a negative trait. It will do wonders for your progression in life, not to mention your overall happiness.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 11: TRUE/FALSE NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS

2011-03-13T15:45:00.000-07:00

In Exercise 10, I identified my "shame-based core negative beliefs". In this exercise, I need to go through two steps which will conclude with me recognizing and rating my "True/False Core Negative Beliefs". First, let me explain a few things to get us to that point.

To begin, we must recognize where we get most of our "core negative beliefs". In most cases, we get these beliefs from our parents. Parents, bless their hearts, are broken people, too. They, like us, stumble through this life making mistakes, (hopefully) learning from those mistakes, and eventually becoming better people. Parenthood is a most difficult thing, as we are thrust into it with little to no preparation. The only preparation we have is our own life experiences and, if we are lucky, the occasional class to help prepare us for parenthood. However, even in those cases, being a parent to a doll, egg or bag of flour is hardly the preparation that we really need.

There are many ways that we cultivate core negative beliefs from our parents. Parents inevitably rear their children with the same set of values and morals, codes of behavior, skills, attitudes, prejudices, dreams, thought habits, and so on to their children. Reflecting on my own childhood, I can say that I was born into a warm, loving home. I grew up with two parents who, although having the occasional disagreement, loved each other. They were, and still are, a very religious, faith promoting couple. They instilled in me a core set of beliefs and morals that helped create the man I am today. However, because of my inherent weaknesses (some of which I described in Exercise 9), it also assisted in creating "core negative beliefs". I felt like I was a bad person. I felt like I was a filthy person. I felt like I was nowhere near the person that they wanted me to be. Keep in mind that these thoughts were of my own volition and (for the most part) NOT thrust upon me by my parents. To me, it has always been amusing when I talk candidly with my parents and they share stories about their own lives that simply reiterate the fact that we ALL have our own problems to deal with.

An example of some of these core beliefs that we may have learned from our parents... or rather, had described to us by our parents, would be things like being told we are untidy, lazy, lacking ambition, unintelligent, antisocial, uncaring, etc.
In reality, we may have been told these things in a moment of weakness for our parents, when they simply commented out of frustration. I know that in my life as a parent, I have been guilty of that too many times to count. Over the past few months, especially recently, I have mentally played over the past 20 years of my life,... over... and over... and over. I have asked myself what I did right... and what I did wrong. I look at the relationship that I have with my three daughters. I need to continually remind myself that I did the best I could, and that my daughters, like myself, are broken people, struggling to make sense of their own lives. If anyone is to ever try and convince you that the people your children become is based entirely on how they are raised, I say RUBBISH! My wife and I raised our three daughters in the same house, with nearly identical standards, and they have all turned out to be completely different from one another. The core of what we are is based on how we were made. Our genetic structure. So many different variables go into the formation of a baby, and each of us, even though coming from (in most cases) the same gene pool, are very different human beings.

The second step in this exercise, and the thing we need to remember, is that we must EVALUATE our negative core beliefs and remind ourselves that these are not inherently bad things. People may look at our behaviors as being bad, but it is THEIR problem, NOT ours. The problem is in their judging. Nobody lives a life free of criticism. If we spend our lives worrying about the criticism that comes from other people (trust me, this is one of my greatest weaknesses), we will forever be stuck in a rut of self-pity. We won't be able to break the shackles of negativity that keep us bound.

In evaluating my negative core beliefs, I need to go back to the list of qualities that I considered to be my "Authentic Self" (Exercise 1) and separate those things that are actually ME, and those things that were thrust upon me, whether by my parents, teachers, church leaders, etc. Some of our "negative core beliefs" are simply who we are. Now, when I say this, I am by no means saying that we should just sit back and continue doing the negative things that we do, but we should by no means (mentally and emotionally) beat ourselves up over them.

In this exercise, I am going to list some of the negative core beliefs that I mentioned in Exercise 10, and list some of them that I feel were cast upon me by others, whether by my parents, teachers, bosses or church leaders. After doing so, I will ask myself this question: which of these would I lay claim to as being either true or at least partially true as an honest description of how I am NOW? I will give them a rating on a scale of 1-100 of how much truth it holds, where 100 = 100% true.

I have to be perfect to be loved. (20) I honestly don't think that I need to be perfect to be loved, although I did spend a great amount of my life thinking that, at least with my father, his demeanor towards me was greatly affected by the way I acted. The sad reality of this, is that I have become the same father. I love my girls, but I know my behavior towards them is greatly determined by how they are living their lives. It's not intentional, but it happens. Just another thing that I need to work on...

I have to struggle/work hard for everything. (60) I have always lived in a middle class home where we didn't have much excess money. My parents made sure that we had wonderful memories from camping trips, vacations, etc., but we never had the latest fashionable clothes or the finest things like some of the other kids did. My parents, bless their hearts, did their best. I have come to learn that my success in life depends on my work ethic. My first job out of high school was for a very strict, anal retentive boss. He expected perfection and IF we didn't meet his expectations, we heard about it. I have always taken that work ethic into account, and know that I will never be handed my success. If success is even the word to describe my middle-class, blue collar life.
I never quite measure up. (80) This outlook on my life is all too real. I think it has to do, for the most part, with my religious upbringing. That and the very conservative nature of my father. I have often felt like I am not nearly the person that my siblings are, although I know we have all had our trials in life. I think the heaviest moment I have ever encountered, in regards to this subject, was at my uncle's funeral a month ago. The entire meeting was filled with kind words about a successful, incredibly spiritual man, by his children, who have all grown up to be like individuals. Gazing at the extended family around me, I felt so.... so.... imperfect. My marriage is in shambles, thanks in part to me.... at least one of my children stands at the precipice of having an extremely "difficult" life, of which I also take partial blame....each day I am reminded of how I fall short to the greatness of my ancestry... and I hardly feel like I'm measuring up to anything great.
I can never do it right. (60) I struggled some with this, throughout my life. I remember as a child that I was often referred to as "heavy handed", as I would often break things that were fragile, or damage my parents' belongings in some way. I felt like I did okay in school, receiving accolades from teachers (certificate awards, etc.), but was never 100% confident in my abilities to do achieve greatness. When it came to sports at school, I had NO confidence in my abilities. I did not grow up playing any kind of sports, and knew that had nowhere near the abilities of the other boys.
I'm always left out of everything. (30) My parents never excluded me from anything, but as stated in the previous statement, when it came to any kind of athletic events at school, or with my friends, I always felt excluded. In the grand scheme of things, I would say that it only affected 30% of my life.
Something must be wrong with me. (20) Where my own psyche was extremely brutal in this regard (see Exercise 9: Guilt), I have rarely been made to feel like I had something wrong with me. Yes, I occasionally felt like I was a disappointing child (although this was just my interpretation). The 20% would stem from the occasional body language that I, to this day, get from my father. I can't blame him, as I manifest
I am spiritually flawed. (30) This is yet another area where I, myself, was my worst enemy. I was the one that put the "spiritually flawed" levels to nearly 100. However, as far as my parents and church leaders are concerned, I didn't get too much of it. Yes, there was some.... especially in regards to "the factory". And, unfortunately, that was a very crucial 30% in regards to how I felt about myself, as an adolescent.

To sum up my life, there have been some things that I absorbed from my parents and leaders that had a negative impact on my life... or, at the very least, my mental interpretation of my life. My parents were, and are, wonderful people. My dad is still not the kind of person that exudes much in the way of joy and pride, when it comes to my achievements in life. As for employment, I work for the Postal Service.... this pretty much means that there will be little to no recognition for any good work that I do, but I will surely hear about the bad. I don't let that affect me too much, however. In regards to my spirituality, I know that I have a lot of exploring to do. I maintain a belief in my basic religious/spiritual structure, although I often question the way those in my religion may cast judgment on others, when Christ, himself, has told us not to judge. I know that I need to cast off the chains of shame and guilt that I have often dragged around, like Jacob Marley in Dickens' A CHRISTMAS CAROL. Many of these things are the basis on which I am going through this process. I have done so many things in my life of which I am not proud. Things that I may always regret. I need to do everything in my power to utilize these steps, to let them go, and then turn my life around to the point where I become the kind, loving father that my children need. I need to be the friend to my (soon-to-be) ex-wife that she needs me to be. I need to show loving kindness to everyone around me. I need to continue to grow spiritually, following the example of Christ in each and every step. It's a lot to do... but, utilizing "baby steps", it's something I can achieve.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 10: SHAME

2011-03-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

This next exercise is regarding shame.... shame being guilt's little brother. To further illustrate the close relationship between guilt and shame, I will quote from the book "Radical Self-Forgiveness", by Colin Tipping.

To be shamed is to be made to feel worthless, bad, undeserving, less than, and simply no good. The result of being consistently and severely shamed is a feeling of considerable self-loathing.

The saboteur self is also always looking for opportunities to create problems for us by defending some of our shame-based, core negative beliefs about ourselves, such as, "I am worthless," "I am bad," "I am no good", and so on.

In his book, Mr. Tipping also shares the five steps in the process of transforming your core negative beliefs. These are:

Discover
Recognize
Evaluate
Neutralize
Transform

This exercise will deal with me discovering my core negative beliefs. Most people are aware of their core negative beliefs. One of the worst things we can do is play these core beliefs over and over in our minds, convincing ourselves that we are actually what we "think" we are.

For beliefs that are more deeply buried in the subconscious mind, we might have to do some real detective work to uncover them completely. One way to uncover what we subconsciously feel about ourselves is to observe what is actually showing up in our lives. Life will always mirror your beliefs for you, no matter what they are. Here are a couple of examples:

Observation: I don't have much of anything in my life.
Likely belief: I am not deserving of nor worthy of it.

Observation: I always seem to screw things up.
Likely belief: I can never do it right.

Also, through the Law of Attraction, you will attract people into your life who will treat you exactly in accordance with these beliefs. This helps even more in discovering what they are. For example:

Observation: People seem not to notice me.
Likely Belief: I am invisible.

Observation: People are always trying to change me.
Likely Belief: I am not okay the way I am.

Observation: My relationships never last long.
Likely Belief: I am unlovable.

The exercise which I am going to do, is take from a list included in the book, RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS, and list things that I feel may be Core Negative Beliefs that are buried within me. The things that I list may seem a little negative... well... they are ALL negative (after all, they ARE Core Negative Beliefs) and will seem a little sad, but like so many people in this world, I do have beliefs that I struggle with.

I was raised in a good home, by good parents, but always seemed to struggle with self-esteem issues...at least during the early part of my life. I was always the last kid to get picked for sports teams, when I was in Jr. High. I had no desire to play any kind of sports, because I felt that I would be a failure at whatever I did. I always felt like I wasn't one of the cool kids, and struggled to settle into an attitude that I was never going to be as cool as some of the other kids. Also, as stated in my last post (Guilt), I struggled with feelings of filthiness, because of habits that I had as an adolescent. Even today, I struggle with minor insecurities that probably stem from Core Negative Beliefs. Allow me to list a few:

I have to be perfect to be loved.
I have to struggle/work hard for everything.
I never quite measure up.
Others are more important than me.
I can never do it right.
I don't deserve love.
I'm always left out of everything.
I'll never be good enough.
Something must be wrong with me.
I'll never be a success.
It's not safe to be me.
I am spiritually flawed.

I need to point out that several of the items on the list are things that have plagued me during the earlier parts of my life, and that several of the things listed are things that haunt me today. Although most people don't openly talk about negative feelings that they may have for themselves, it is my belief that most of us struggle with similar things. This life is a proving ground to try and overcome things that my "hold us back".

I have made many mistakes in my life. I will continue to make more. I have struggled with feelings of little self-worth, and I may even occasionally battle similar thoughts. When I wake up in the morning, I want to be a better, stronger, more loving person than I was the day before. If I can make it a goal to shed my Core Negative Beliefs and embrace the good qualities that I know I have, I can attain that goal. It's my hope that we can all do likewise.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 9: GUILT

2011-02-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

Guilt is something that we, as healthy human beings, should have. If we didn't experience guilt, we would be as handicapped as one who didn't feel fear. If we didn't ever feel a sense of fear, we would continually put our lives in danger by doing things that normal people would deem crazy. If we didn't experience guilt, we would be capable of committing any number of atrocities that would not only hurt other people, but ourselves as well.

However, where guilt is a normal, healthy emotion, there are also forms of guilt that are unhealthy. I will take a few minutes to discuss the different types of guilt that we may experience in our lives...

First, let me discuss "anticipatory guilt". As the name would indicate, this is a guilt that would hopefully prevent you from doing something that would cause you to feel remorse down the road. A good analogy is that of cheating on one's spouse or partner. Although we may feel "tempted" to stray because of a physical or emotional attraction that we are feeling for another person, in most cases, our conscience tells us that this is wrong. Even if one isn't religious (in most religions, such an act would be clearly deemed as immoral), our moral code in society would indicate to us that proceeding with this act might be damaging. With our conscience enabling us with "anticipatory guilt", and depending on the amount of guilt that we might feel, we either proceed with the act or we don't. For many, the guilt would simply be too much to bear.

"Retrospective guilt" is that guilt that we feel after we have done something "wrong". There is no recovering from it - the deed is done. This would be the typical guilt that one feels after wronging another person, stealing something, breaking a law, or breaking a "moral" code that may be attached to one's religious beliefs.

Retrospective guilt can be broken into two different types of guilt... Appropriate Retrospective Guilt and Inappropriate Retrospective Guilt. An example of APPROPRIATE retrospective guilt would be when have intentionally done something to hurt somebody else. We may have intentionally broken an agreement. Or, in a more tragic scenario, we may have gotten drunk, decided it was okay to drive, and then proceeded to hit and kill someone in a motor vehicle accident.

An example of INAPPROPRIATE retrospective guilt would be when a cyclist swerves directly in front of our vehicle without any warning, and we strike and kill him because there was no way to avoid hitting him. It would be totally reasonable to feel sad and regret, of course... but NOT guilty.

Another form of inappropriate guilt is what is commonly referred to as "survivor's guilt". An example of this might be when a soldier fighting in a battle is the only one to survive when all of the other soldiers in his unit die. He might ask, "Why me? Why did I live?" He may feel a sense of guilt that everyone else died and he didn't.

Another inappropriate guilt is "guilt by association". A common form of this is when a young person continually finds himself in trouble and the parent of the young person feels a sense of guilt and shame for the child's behavior. This is a codependent behavior and one that we, as parents, should stay away from.

So, now that we have discussed some of the varying forms of guilt, let's move on to Exercise #8.

EXERCISE #8: How entitled am I to my guilt?

In this exercise, I am going to list several things from my past that I feel guilty about. After recognizing those things that cause me to feel a sense of guilt, I will rate it on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being incredible guilt, 1 being a minimal amount of guilt. After I have rated the guilt, I will then try and determine what percentage of my guilt is "appropriate" and what percentage is "inappropriate".

Be forewarned that this may possibly be uncomfortable for you, the reader. Rest assured that it is going to be far more uncomfortable for me, the writer. I am going to open up about some things that may be considered a little sensitive in nature. If this disturbs you, feel free to go find a blog that deals with scrapbooking or recipes.

And so, we begin...

GUILT #1: TAMPERING WITH THE FACTORY

Okay, let me be honest... this guilt was an immense guilt when I was younger, but now... well... not so much.

I'm assuming that some of you are probably wondering what I'm talking about... "tampering with the factory". Let me explain. I grew up LDS (Mormon). When I was younger, we would occasionally be shown a film strip that talked about the "moral" guidelines with which we were to follow. Our bodies were likened to a factory that produced a life creating substance. Our factories would create their product and release any excess product on it's own accord. We were not to tamper with the factory, for if we did, the factory would speed up production, and we would complicate it's normal output. Not to mention, we'd go blind and/or get hairy palms. Okay... I added that last sentence, but everything else was in the film strip.

Let me say that I began tampering with my factory long before I even knew what I was doing. My factory wasn't even producing anything at that point. My factory must have been unionized and the workers were really lazy, or it didn't actually have a physical product. I had no clue what I was doing, all I knew was that when I did something, it felt really, really good.

Fast forward another year or two, when I finally learn about the factory... and learn that my tampering is not an approved activity within the moral guidelines of my church. We've all heard of "Catholic guilt"... well... in my honest opinion, I don't think it holds a candle to Mormon guilt. For years and years I tried to stop my tampering. I couldn't. For years and years I beat myself up, mentally. I felt like I was broken. Like I was a sick pervert that was a freak of nature. It honestly wasn't until I was an adult and had the topic come up in conversation, that I actually found out that most of my peers had been doing it. Whether or not they were beating themselves up like I had, I do not know, but what I DO know is that I spent the better part of ten years having a guilt inside of me that would probably have ranked at least an 8 or 9, out of a possible 10.

How much of that guilt was "appropriate"? Well... from a religious standpoint, probably 100%. From a sociological standpoint? Probably 0%. It all depends on your moral compass... and what criteria impacts your moral compass. For me, it was my religion.

The reason why I even brought up this personal problem of my childhood is to illustrate how crippling guilt can be. I literally spent a big chunk of my adolescence... between the ages of 11 or 12 to (literally) about the time I got married, feeling like I was "dirty" and "broken" and "evil". It wasn't healthy for me. It truly impacted my happiness as a young person. I don't think that people deserve to carry around that kind of guilt... especially at the expense of their self esteem. That being said, let me move on to my next guilt...

Guilt #2: UNPAID DEBT

The next sources of guilt are closely related, both involving unpaid debt. The first was when we were experiencing some extreme financial hardship and borrowed $300.00 from our teenage babysitter. She had the money saved and offered to lend it to us. We took her up on the offer, with the total intention of paying her back. As the weeks turned to months, we never did have the excess money to pay her back. We eventually moved and had received word that her mother was livid with us for taking advantage of her daughter, and understandably so. To this day, it haunts me. I need to track her down and repay her the money that I owe her... if not to clear my conscience, then at least to do the proper thing.

The second money related guilt was when a friend of mine asked for my assistance in selling a box full of compact discs that he had been given. I did as he asked and ended up receiving a total of $200.00 and failed to give him the $100 that I owed him. At the time, my friend was (and still is) a very successful business man, and we were struggling financially. I intended to get him the money, but needed it for our own needs, at the time. As would often happen in my life, intentions to pay are often brushed under the carpet, as we never seem to have had the excess money to repay the debt. He ended up moving out of the neighborhood, and I have yet to repay him. Again, it is something that I intend to do.

Guilt #3:ABANDONMENT

My greatest guilt in life comes from the events leading up to and culminating in the events of October 25, 2010. At approximately 8:00 PM on the evening of Monday, October 25, 2010, I walked out on my marriage of nearly 21 years. This was not a sudden impulse, but something that had years in the making. In my opinion, it was probably 21 years in the making. First, let me express my feelings that Tiffany, my estranged wife (I hate saying that, but it is the most accurate description), is a wonderful person. She is a funny, sweet person that unfortunately is plagued by demons from her childhood. She has suffered from insecurity most of her life, which laid the foundation for the hurt that was to come. I don't blame her, but the environment from which she came.

In 1996, six years into our marriage, I had become "comfortably numb" with our relationship. It was the early days of the internet, and after being reminded several times that our daughters were Tiffany's main source of happiness, I found myself becoming emotionally attached to other people on the internet. It was a new world, and the excitement and happy emotions that could be found there were like an emotional rebirth for me. In the end, not only did I hurt those that I had become close to, but I had betrayed Tiffany and caused her great pain.

Let me pause to discuss the "guilt factor" that I felt because of my betrayal to Tiffany. In hindsight, I don't remember feeling a terrible amount of guilt. Yes, I did feel guilt that I had hurt Tiffany, but at the same time I must have justified things by thinking that I was driven to those emotional connections. What guilt I had would definitely be considered "appropriate" guilt. I deserved to feel guilty, considering what I did.

Now, let me get back to the story. Tiffany and I tried to work through the hurt and tried to mend our marriage through counseling and focusing on our marriage. It worked... most of the time. On occasion, the insecurities would rear it's ugly head. In addition to the insecurity, because of the hurt that I caused Tiffany, she had built a protective emotional wall to keep her from getting hurt again. Because of this emotional wall, she and I were never able to share the emotional bond that married couples need. There were the occasional times that she would lower her defenses and I would feel a love between us, but more often than not the wall was in place, protecting her from the potential of more emotional abuse. Because of the emotional barrier that stood between us, it opened the door for further emotional betrayal. Over the course of the last 14 years, I would often find myself bonding with other people. It was a Catch 22.... I hurt Tiffany, she builds a barrier to protect herself, which just set her up to be hurt again.

During the last year of our marriage, I had begun to reflect on the state of our marriage. I began to sense the enormity of that barrier that stood between us. I felt like there was no way that we would ever have a happy, healthy relationship as long as she and I couldn't bond with one another. I also felt that our personalities were harmful to each other, mainly because of the insecurities that plagued Tiffany. Again, I reiterate... I do NOT blame Tiffany for any of this. Bless her heart, she has been seeking therapy to overcome the damage that had been caused at such a young age.

Another bad side effect of the insecurities was that I was not able to truly act myself. Because of my extremely outgoing personality, I often felt like it would only fuel Tiffany's insecurities. I honestly feel that now that Tiffany is on her own, she will be able to reach her greatest potential as a human being and child of God. It is my religious belief and personal philosophy that we are on this earth to be tested and to grow and progress from the trials that each of us face. I honestly feel that I hindered Tiffany's ability to truly grow to her greatest potential. In the end, I want to be the best of friends with her. I want to help her overcome her insecurities and not feed them. I care for her very deeply, but honestly feel like she has the potential to become a much happier person without me.

At this point, I would also like to interject my feelings about "guilt" vs. "remorse". For the past four months I have been feeling extreme amounts of guilt about leaving Tiffany. This guilt is fueled by the often judgmental comments of former friends and people from my former church congregation. I always find it ironic that some of the people who proclaim to be Christian are also the first to judge. So much for the Lord's commandment to judge not, lest we be judged. I often hear the term "abandonment" floating around amongst the critics, which fuel my feelings of guilt. I can vividly see the expression on Tiffany's face, the night I left. The look of shock, turned to anger, turned to sadness. To this day, when I get in certain moods, my eyes will fill with tears as I replay the heartbreaking events of that night. I knew, however, that after 14 years (from the time of my initial emotional betrayal), we were not close to overcoming that barrier that was built between us.

Should I feel guilt? Perhaps. In hindsight, I believe that a guilt felt from not being a 100% devoted husband is "appropriate". Do I think that it would be healthy for me to hold on to that guilt? No. Here is where I think "remorse" may be a healthier emotion to deal with. Remorse is a natural emotion to feel when we have hurt someone. The thing with remorse, is that time will hopefully heal those wounds. I know that in time Tiffany will learn to love herself the way she should. I hope that someday soon she will be able to look in the mirror and see the special person that I saw so many times. I hope that she will be able to set the wheels in motion to achieve her personal goals, such as going to school, becoming an independent, successful person and eventually finding a person that she can truly open her heart to... one that won't hurt her, in return.

As for me, I will continue to feel guilt. It's nothing I can run away from. It is the reason why I am going through these exercises. Why I have been working my way through "Radical Self-Forgiveness". Why I have been striving for the "Consciousness Cleanse". Deep down inside, I am happier now than I have ever been. I see myself as a good person. I just hate to see the hurt that I have caused someone I care about. It can't be undone. I will continue to show Tiffany that I do care for her, and will do everything in my power to help her in her life to come.

I know that she and I will BOTH be able to reach a greater potential as friends, rather than dysfunctional partners. As Tiffany begins to see things from my perspective, which I hope she eventually can, my feelings of guilt will diminish and eventually fade into nothingness. I want nothing more than for her to be emotionally healthy. I want to be her friend. I want to see both our lives become more fruitful and free from hurt.

Yes, guilt has played a big part in my life. Sometimes good.... many times not. It is my hope that we each can evaluate our own lives, and figure out for ourselves which guilt is "appropriate", and which guilt is not. And the guilt that isn't... well... it's time to get rid of it and think about self-forgiveness.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 8: IDENTIFYING MY SEXUAL SELF (Part 2)

2011-02-22T22:34:00.000-08:00

That, my friends, is some intense stuff. A psychologists... ummm.... nocturnal emission. This essay describing the differences between physical and emotional sexuals has really made me think about what I am, and how it has affected the relationships that I have been in over the years....keeping in mind that the bulk of this relationship experience was my 21 year marriage that I have recently left (I will address this in a moment), I have also been reflecting previous relationships, although they were not as sexual as my marriage.

Before I venture into my relationships, let me share my personal analysis of what I am. According to the plethora of descriptions from both sides of the fence, I have concluded that I lean more on the "emotional sexual" side of things, but am probably in the healthy range of 60/40, emotional sexual being the predominant side. I may even venture to say that it could be a 65/35 split. Allow me to list a few of the factors that led me to this conclusion. First, I have always been somewhat of an introvert, and part of that may be due to the fact that I have never been completely secure in my physical appearance. Socially, I can be introverted, as well as from a sexual point of view. I do not flaunt my sexuality One may suggest that this would be because of my religious background, but I honestly don't think that I would be any different if there was not a religious affiliation in my personal life. Although I went through an adolescent phase where I dressed to draw attention to myself, it was not in a sexual way.

Another item mentioned on the list that resonated with me is the fact that emotional sexuals "feel their feelings inwardly and process them mentally. They seldom express feelings outwardly and do not like to show physical affection in public." In regards to these things, I have never been one to express my feelings outwardly. I can be an open book at times, but from a sexual point of view, I do not express many of my feelings outwardly. As for PDA (not the Personal Digital Assistant, but the dreaded Public Display of Affection), I love holding hands... but that is about as far as it goes. I am not one of those people that can sit in a movie theater and make out... although I did do that a time or two, when I was a teenager. Just don't tell my parents... they'd be very disappointed in me.

For the most part, I feel that I am well balanced between the two lists. My family life is important, but is not all consuming. My career is fairly important to me, but I would not risk relationships in order to climb any company ladders. I also feel that my sexuality is healthy in the fact that I do not depend on it to validate myself. To me, sex is simply a way for two people to deepen their emotional bond... and... if I can be bold, a way for two people to enhance their physical lives.

I know firsthand that it is extremely difficult for two people to have a happy, healthy love life if they don't fit together like puzzle pieces... at least as far as their sexual selves are concerned. I know that I am not a good match for someone who depends on sexuality to validate themselves. Sex can't be a game... unless both parties involved want to turn it into a game on their own accord. To each his/her own... know what I'm sayin'?

To close this extensive post, let me just say that this portion of the Radical Self-Forgiveness was eye opening. It has helped me understand the needs that some people have. It has given me some clear cut things to look for in a prospective partner, as I eventually work my way back into marriage. I have a better idea if I would be a good match with another, based on some very simple criteria... much of which isn't sexual in the least bit. It has also given me a deeper appreciation for the power and importance of therapy in our lives... especially if we are someone that has been through a traumatic life experience that has indefinitely caused our sexual self to be pushed out of whack. Most of us are probably acquainted with someone who was molested as a child. That kind of trauma will usually always cause irreparable damage to the victim, unless they seek help. Some close themselves off, sexually.... others become hyper-sexual. Sexuality, in general, is a very fascinating thing...and also a very fragile eco-system (for lack of a better word).

I hope that the words mentioned earlier have assisted in opening your mind to some of the things that affect our relationships, both on a personal level and a sexual level. If you are like me, the things listed in the book will hopefully help you in all of your social relationships, but specifically as you seek out a compatible mate. Even if you have been married for 15 years, this may help you to better understand your partner's needs. Because, heaven knows... if you can take care of your partner's emotional needs, then they will take care of your physical needs. ;-)

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 8: IDENTIFYING MY SEXUAL SELF (Part 1)

2011-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a most interesting subject, and not just because it is about sex. Truth be told, this isn't going to deal much with the act of sex, but sexuality in general. And, because this is such an intriguing subject, I am going to quote directly from the book, "RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS" by Colin Tipping.

This is an incredibly complex self. It is certainly worth delving into the sexual self in the interest of self-exploration (not THAT kind of self-exploration kids... that'll just get you hair palms. Oh... and this was my addition. Sorry. My bad. Back to the serious subject at hand... no pun intended.) and self-knowledge. It is also useful in helping us understand how we behave in relationships.

John Kappas, PhD, founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute and author of a number of books on hypnotherapy, developed a model of sexual personality that I find very helpful. It's called the Emotional & Physical Attraction model. On one side of the scale is the self that he describes as "physical sexual". On the other is a self described as "emotional sexual".

The terms physical sexual and emotional sexual can be misleading. What is being referred to here is how we defend the part of ourselves we feel to be most threatened. The physical sexual is driven by an intense fear of rejection. Feeling emotionally vulnerable, we defend our emotions by presenting our physical body at the forefront as a form of protection.

The emotional sexual, on the other hand, is driven by a strong fear of intimacy. Feeling vulnerable physically, we protect our body by constructing a wall of emotion, which contains feelings such as fear, intense shyness, and distrust. There are all sorts of ramifications for how each sexual personality shows up in the world. Following there is a scale that demonstrates the extremes of sexual personality to help you determine where on the continuum you might be. The ideal is to have no more than about a 60/40 bias toward one end or the other. This way you will be able to better understand those with the opposite bias.

100%|-------------------50/50---------------------|100%

Physical Sexual Emotional Sexual

People with a Physical Sexual Self

They are classic extroverts who project their sexuality outward almost to the point of flaunting it.
They are very comfortable with their bodies and have a high sex drive.
They wear clothes and jewelry that emphasize and bring attention to their bodies and their sexual attractiveness.
Image and appearance are very important to them. No matter what they buy, the main consideration is how it makes them look. They favor elegance, style, color, glitz, and so on. They would never buy a car on the basis of fuel efficiency over style.
They crave acceptance and attention due to a fear of rejection, which means everything they do is for the purpose of receiving approval. As a result, they are extremely sensitive to criticism.
When in conversation, the will stand close, lock eyes, and scan others' faces for the sign of possible rejection.
If rejected, rather than withdraw, they will push forward even more, trying to win others over with charm and persuasion. They become very insistent and pushy. They will not take "no" for an answer, especially from an emotional sexual person of the opposite sex to whom they are irresistibly attracted. They can be assertive and controlling, almost to the point of being obnoxious if they sense rejection.
They are the life and soul of any party, very popular, and always seem comfortable in social situations. They are never at a loss for something to talk about, and small talk comes easily to them.
They are natural risk-takers in all aspects of their lives. They are often entrepreneurs or indulge in very physical sports, especially team sports.
They are less concerned about their bodies being hurt than they are about having their feelings crushed.
All of their emotions are experienced physically rather than mentally, and when their feelings are hurt, they feel it as intense pain in their bodies. The pain can be so bad that it can literally incapacitate them for long periods of time.
When a relationship ends, they are devastated and have a very difficult time letting go of it. They take it very personally and feel utterly rejected. They also have a very hard time replacing it. It may be many months before they will have another serious relationship, though they will have plenty of casual sex in the meanwhile. They need it just to feel OK.
They are hopelessly idealistic about love and relationships and very romantically inclined. Once in a relationship, they tend to be loyal and monogamous. At the same time, they are very jealous and possessive.
They enjoy children and are very connected to family (or the idea of family). They put family and relationships before career or any other aspect of life - it's their number one priority.
They communicate by indirect implication and inferences, relying on the listener to make the correct interpretation. In contrast, they hear only what is said literally and don't pick up on implications. You have to tell them explicitly and frequently that you love them. They will not infer that you do just because you are there.

People with an Emotional Sexual Self

They are classic introverts, and they tend to withdraw into themselves to protect their feelings of physical vulnerability.
They are not the least bit comfortable in their bodies and have a closed, protective bodily stance that says, "Don't come close, and don't touch me." Their arms will be in front of them as protection, and their feet tend to be turned inward when standing.
They dress conservatively to divert attention away from their bodies and hide their sexuality, including full-coverage or baggy attire and sensible shoes. Women often wear minimal makeup, if any at all.
They are not particularly social and have great difficulty making small talk. At parties, they are usually the wallflowers and they leave early.
They feel their feelings inwardly and process them mentally. They seldom express feelings outwardly and do not like to show physical affection in public.
They prefer not to be touched. Even the most innocent touch quickly results in some kind of irritation. The type of touch that a physical sexual considers affectionate can seem like physical assault to an emotional sexual.
They are turned on sexually much more by visual and mental stimuli than by touch.
For them, sex is not a high priority; neither is family, children or relationships. Their priority is work and career, followed by their hobbies. Relationships come a distant third. They are not very fond of children, and they may choose never to marry.
They often have extramarital affairs and think little of it, because they do not equate love with sex as do their physical sexual counterparts. They enjoy the mental excitement of affairs.
When a relationship ends, they get over it in a matter of days and replace it easily. They do not take breakups as a personal rejection.
They don't generally like team sports, but they do excel at individual sports that require rigorous training and personal challenges. They lead with their minds in everything from work, to games, and even sex. They are analytical, careful, and methodical and, therefore, seldom spontaneous.
They buy cars based not on style and image, but based on which are the most efficient and best engineered. They will research such purchases extensively before they buy.
If they go into business for themselves, they tend to be accountants, computer programmers, engineers, researchers, or technicians. They like precise, solitary work and are detail oriented. They can be very successful in business.
They pick up on inferences and subtle implications, but they speak very directly and precisely. They don't waste words and are not physically expressive.

I can't conclude this conversation on the sexual self without explaining how this dynamic plays in our relationships, especially if one or both partners are at an extreme end of the scale. As you might imagine, opposites attract... initially. A high physical sexual will attract a high emotional sexual, and vice versa. At a party, a high physical sexual male will make a beeline for the retiring little emotional sexual who is in the corner clutching her drink and looking shy and embarrassed. He desperately wants to rescue her and "bring her out." She is initially turned off by him because he's so pushy, but eventually succumbs to his irresistible charm and his "take charge" attitude.

Communication seems to flow easily between them, as well. That's because the physical sexual speaks inferentially to the emotional sexual, who easily picks up on the subtle implications of what is being said. Conversely, the emotional sexual speaks directly to the physical sexual, who likes direct communication, not implications. The emotional sexual says little, but is a good listener, whereas the physical sexual loves to dominate the conversation and is more happy to have someone who will just listen. It seems like a match made in heaven. Not only does the communication seem great, but during the honeymoon period, which lasts about six months, they begin reverting to their natural type. As the chemistry that enabled them to let down their defenses for a while begins to fade, so, too, do their defenses reemerge, and their primary behavior returns to the forefront.

Consequently, emotional sexuals begin withdrawing emotionally and wanting less sex. Their fear of intimacy and their tendency to avoid it returns. They begin focusing on things that interest them besides the relationship. This drives the physical sexual crazy because he or she interprets the emotional sexual's behavior as implicit rejection and an indication of the partner falling out of love. That makes him or her even more demanding of love, sex, and physical affection, which in turn makes the emotional sexual withdraw even more.
Once both fear responses have kicked in, the situation goes from bad to worse, and the relationship is virtually irretrievable. If they stay together, it will be the emotional sexual who controls the relationship. That's because the physical sexual will sell a large chunk of himself or herself (remember lost selves?) in order to get whatever sex or physical affection the emotional sexual is willing to give. That's why a lot of strong-looking physical sexual males are controlled by weaker-looking wives. A woman who knows how to manipulate that fear of rejection owns her man.

You might imagine that the ideal arrangement would be two of the same type together. This is not so. Two physical sexuals together would be in competition with each other and would act like a couple of divas. They would talk at each other in implications, with neither of them fully understanding the meaning. They would talk over each other and always see rejection in every utterance. It would be an intensely sexual liaison, but their jealousy and possessiveness would create terrible problems. They would always be fighting.

Two emotional sexuals together would soon get very bored with one another. Sex would be nonexistent, and their communication minimal. Their best chance at survival would be if they were to work together. Otherwise, one or both would likely be out looking for an affair just to relieve the boredom.

Concluding this discussion on the sexual self, I would ask you to please remember that these are the extremes. Most of us are either predominantly physical or emotional, but have enough of the other to find balance to a greater or lesser degree. You can probably make a rough assessment of where you are on that scale, which can give you a sufficient idea of your sexual self. Again, you will want to compare this assessment with your authentic self (see Exercise 1) to ensure that there is congruence.

To be continued...

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 7: IDENTIFYING MY SABOTEUR SELF

2011-02-21T14:39:00.000-08:00

First, I must point out that of all my "selves" that I have been studying (and subsequently reporting on), the Saboteur Self is the one that I feel is most distant from who I am as a person.

To sum up the Saboteur Self, this is the part of our personality that subconsciously tries to protect us from things in our lives that may cause us harm. Most often, the Saboteur Self manifests itself in the areas of relationships (both familial and between a partner or spouse) and finances.

In our lives, especially during the vulnerable years of childhood and adolescence, we encounter things in our lives that may be disturbing to us. More often than not, we will utilize our psychological defense mechanisms to protect our emotional state from being hurt, but in so doing, we will often suppress the emotions and drive them into our subconscious level.

In the area of relationships, our Saboteur Self may manifest itself throughout life, if we grew up in an environment where we witnessed psychological, emotional or (heaven forbid) physical abuse. It is common for people who grew up in such an environment to conclude that marriage is not good, and therefore our Saboteur Self will manifest itself in every relationship that we become involved in. Once we feel "safe and secure" in our relationship, our Saboteur Self will be activated to try and protect us from getting hurt by the person who we are involved with... even though, in reality, there is probably no cause for such protection.

I spent several years working a swing shift and would listen to the syndicated radio program, "LOVELINES", featuring Dr. Drew (Pinsky) and comedian, Adam Corolla. On the program they would take calls from listeners who had questions regarding physical and emotional relationships. After listening to the program for an extended amount of time, you would undoubtedly see a pattern in people that had been abused, whether physically or emotionally. In almost every case, these people would begin to sabotage their relationships once they began to feel "comfortable". Their subconscious psyche would tell them that a happy, healthy relationship is NOT normal, and that if you continue down that road, you will undoubtedly get hurt. Because of the subconscious sabotage that the (for lack of a better word) damaged personalities would bring into the relationships, these relationships would nearly always end in shambles.

Surprisingly, money is one of the biggest parts of our life that is sabotaged by our subconscious Saboteur Self. Most people think that they are just not cut out to be rich, successful people, when in reality it is this subconscious thinking that, more often than not, prevents us from reaching financial success. In reflecting over my life, I truly wonder if this is the case with me. Most of my adult life has been plagued with financial hardship, but in retrospect I think it was just because of a bad financial chemistry between my (soon-to-be) ex-wife. I lay no blame on one or the other of us, but know that between the two, we had a bugger of a time trying to budget money.

Psychologists say that the main reason for our Saboteur Self manifesting itself, when it comes to money, is that we may have grown up in a home where our father (or other key figure in our life) was so determined to be successful with his work, that his familial relationships suffered. As a child, we witnessed the devastation caused by our father's quest for success, and subsequently buried those emotions into our subconscious. Although we may not directly associate money with the deterioration of a parental relationship, we subconsciously will always associate financial success with heartache.

In studies, psychologists have seen cases where people that manifested this subconscious resentment of money would literally try and sabotage their own businesses, in order to NOT succeed. It was never a conscious decision, but would be manifested by hiring people that they may have known were not the best people for the position.

I, myself, have known people that have seemed to sabotage their own employment with jobs, because they somehow, subconsciously, didn't find peace in having stable employment.

Now, for me, money issues and the Saboteur Self was never an issue. My parents were probably considered lower middle-class. My mother worked out of the house as a seamstress and my father was a police officer. These occupations were anything but financially lucrative. I never had any of the associations brought up by Colin Tipping, in his book "Radical Self-Forgiveness", yet I have never had any real luck with money.

In reality, being financially well off is not a goal of mine. I don't desire wealth. I am not going to be foolish enough to say that I would shun wealth, but I don't feel the need to make money a focal point. Money, in my opinion, does NOT equal happiness. There are too many wealthy people running around this planet of ours that are not happy, even though they have more money than they will ever need. To me, happiness comes from within, not without. I know that contentment comes from having enough money to take care of bills, and have witnessed the stress that is caused by a lack of money, but I don't associate wealth with a long term happiness.

In closing, I reflect over my life and can honestly say that it has been a very normal experience. My family was not wealthy, but we got by. I wasn't robbed a decent childhood, although it did at times require my father to work overtime in order for us to be able to enjoy some of the nicer things in life like camping. Yes, THAT was my wealth in life... memories of camping trips and vacations, albeit inexpensive vacations.

So, to sum up my thoughts, I think it would best be said that IF I have a Saboteur Self, it is a small one... and, in my opinion, does not manifest itself in my day to day life. I work for the Postal Service. My life is, for the most part, simple. I am not on a course to be rich, nor do I desire that. I want enough money to take care of my needs as well as that of my family. In the area of relationships, I honestly don't think that I have an active Saboteur Self. Although I am currently separated from my wife, the decision to leave was not based on any negative experiences as a child. My parents have been married for 46 years and seem to be completely happy. I never saw signs of strife between the two of them. The reality of my situation is that I think separation (and ultimately divorce) from my wife will actually make both of us happier, more functional people in the end. At least that is my hope. I can attest that going through such things does have it's share of pain and that it may be sometimes hard to truly realize that it's for the best, but I have hope that she and I will become better friends in the end, and that we will be able to grow beyond what we were able to do, while living together.

That being said, it's time to buckle down and get my thoughts ready to discuss my Sexual Self. Oh, this is going to be fun...

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 6: IDENTIFYING MY DISOWNED SELF

2011-02-20T18:28:00.000-08:00

My "disowned" Self? What? Well... this is going to be interesting.

To describe the "Disowned Self", let me turn to the book RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS, by Colin Tipping.

Our disowned selves are the parts of ourselves that we have rejected as unacceptable and have put completely out of sight and out of mind. We accomplish this through the mechanism of repression. That means that we have pushed them so deep down in the subconscious mind that we have absolutely no awareness of them whatsoever.

Repression is not the same as suppression. When we suppress parts of ourselves, we know that they are still there. This would be true of our lost selves. We know those parts exist in us, but we intentionally keep them suppressed. Conversely, those parts of ourselves that we have disowned and repressed are out of our awareness altogether. Carl Jung referred to this repressed material as our shadow. Let's look at how these parts of ourselves initially got denied, rejected, and then disowned.

When we were growing up and looking for approval and love from those around us, most notably our parents, we soon learned which of our attributes won us love and approval and which did not. Out of a sense of survival, we selected the most approved attributes to live from and quickly disowned the others.

From the acceptable list, we created the socially modified self that we present to the world, and we dumped the rest into our shadow. It's likely that we've added even more material to our shadow as we've developed, but most of our disowned selves were repressed early as a result of our being shamed over them. Having shifted all the UNAPPROVED attributes into our shadow and repressed them, we might think they are safely buried and inactive. They are not. Attached to every one of them is an energy, which is both active and reactive. Each attribute has the ability to rise up from the depths of our unconscious to be recognized and accepted.

For that reason, we remain ever fearful of our shadow, and we do everything we can to avoid coming to terms with it. The act of repressing it is an avoidance strategy. But an even better way to avoid dealing with our shadow material is to project it onto someone else. In other words, we symbolically take it out of ourselves, project it onto someone or something else OUT THERE, and then convince ourselves that we no longer have it.

Here's how it works: we first find someone who seems to have a lot of the qualities we hate in ourselves. Next, we criticize or judge him or her unmercifully for having those qualities, unaware, of course, that they are our very own attributes. We then become angry and self-righteous and go to great lengths to make the person wrong, and to punish him or her if possible. With our focus strongly set on the "bad" person out there, the need to see what is "in here" is neatly sidestepped and avoided.

Projection is a powerful defense mechanism. It has the potential to keep us stuck in self-loathing, because it automatically prevents us from recognizing and accepting a significant part of ourselves. Nevertheless, it does offer us a way to retrieve our disowned selves. Once we understand the mechanism of projection and can recognize when we are doing it - that is, when we are criticizing another for our own shortcomings - we can decide to reverse the projection.

When we become more aware of our tendencies to project, we are in effect recognizing the principle "If you spot it, you've got it." We reclaim our projection by recognizing the person we are judging as someone who has come into our lives to mirror what we have disowned and to give us the opportunity to see it and welcome it back with love and acceptance.

The exercise that accompanies this section is a most interesting one. Where all the previous exercises have asked me to select traits from a specific list, this one is different. Because these traits have been "disowned", I don't even know that they are there. So, how do I recognize the traits that I may have disowned, only to live deep inside of me, fighting to occasionally get out? Well... it's easy.

In this exercise, I am to list 2 individuals. Now, to not offend anyone, I need not list their names. I merely list two individuals and create a list of all the reasons why I hate or (in my case) strongly dislike the person. If you do this exercise, you are free to choose someone who you may deal with on a daily basis, or it may even be someone that you have never met... like a celebrity. In my case, I will be listing both an individual that I work with AND a celebrity. I find it interesting that in the case of my two individuals, there are some extremely similar, if not identical, traits.

INDIVIDUAL #1: Co-worker

Arrogant
Critical
Condescending
Pretentious
Uncaring

Most items that I listed are related, and if I were to continue, the list would just consist of things like "holier-than-thou", "cocky", etc. I feel that they are too closely related to the previous things listed in the list. As a general rule, I try to be a person that overlooks the negative in people. From my perspective, we ALL have negative issues that may or may not annoy other people. I know I have plenty of personality traits that probably annoy other people. I tend to be very outspoken, especially about things that I feel very passionate about. Whether it be politics (although, for the most part, I have pretty much divorced myself from the contentious world of politics), music, film, or even celebrities... like the one I am about to talk about... I try to look at the positive in people. However, in some cases it's just downed right impossible.

Case in point:

Individual #2: a celebrity

Egocentric... dare I say, egomaniacal? Is it really a word? Spell-check doesn't think so.
Manipulative
Self-promoting
Pretentious
Shallow
Disingenuous

Okay, so in hindsight, I guess this list isn't that similar to the first person... yet, I still find myself disturbed that if this exercise is, in fact, accurate.... I'm a dick. So, if that is, in fact, the case... I'm sorry to all of you. BUT, before we all get bummed out about the fact that I am potentially an unpleasant character, let's keep in mind that THIS is the reason why I am going through these exercises. I am going to accept the fact that I am a pretentious, condescending, shallow, self-promoting individual... exercise those traits from my being... and next time you see me, I'm genuinely going to be a sweet guy. Wait... was that a pretentious thing to say?

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 5: IDENTIFYING MY LOST SELVES

2011-02-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

This exercise will be short, yet as important as the rest. First, let me explain the "Lost" self to you. This is the self that we have lost by giving them up or shutting them down OR trading them away for love, money, power, status, or something similar.

There is a short list (in the book "RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS", by Colin Tipping) of things that are most commonly given away in pursuit the aforementioned items. A good example would be the classic Hollywood cliche' of people "sleeping their way to the top". Although a prevalent act in Hollywood, this kind of behavior happens all over the place, especially in the workplace. People will give up sex, innocence, trust, integrity... a combination of all of them... or other things, in order to improve their career pursuits.

It isn't just sexual related sacrifices that we make, as there are any number of things that we may give up in pursuit of something that we think are more important. Some people will give up their freedom or their happiness in order to secure a relationship with somebody who isn't the best match, but is desirous in other ways (looks and appearances, etc.).

I will now go through the list and write down some of the items that I feel I have sacrificed, at one point in my life or another, in order to get something else. Before doing this, I would like to point out that, for the most part, I have always been someone that does what I want. I am not particularly ambitious in the way of many professional people. I don't sacrifice my standards or personal beliefs in order to get gain. I have, however, occasionally sacrificed one of my "selves" in order to find happiness in another part of my life. Sometimes the trade-off has been worth it, other times not.

Probably one of my greatest sacrifices... and by great, I mean big... NOT good, was back in the late 1990's, when my marriage was all but dead. It was functioning, but barely. In the early days of the internet, I became emotionally attached to a young woman thousands of miles away. It wasn't a sexual thing. I didn't even know what she looked like, until some time into the "relationship". In the end, it all blew up in my face, and I had betrayed my wife's trust. In essence, I gave up MY trust. The trust she had in me. Over the years, we tried to make it work, but in the end that trust which I had sacrificed years before, cost me dearly. I gave up trust in pursuit of what I thought was happiness. It was happiness then... albeit short lived... and is now, 14 years later, probably one of my biggest regrets in my life.

Part of my reason for going through this exercise is to purge my conscience of these things that have burdened me for so many years. With any luck, when all is said and done, I will have restored any lost "selves" that were sacrificed, and I will be able to move forward with my life a complete person, with my integrity intact. In the future, I don't ever want to sacrifice any of my precious "selves" in the pursuit of something that I may want at that moment.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 4: IDENTIFYING MY MODIFIED SELF

2011-02-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

The particular "self" hits very close to home. Let me explain why...

Most of you know that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons). Most of you know that people that belong to my church either live lives different from most people, or they are supposed to live lives that manifest standards set apart from the rest of the world. In reality, we are taught to be "In the world, but not OF the world", meaning we should be a functioning part of society (not holed up in a compound), but living the standards set forth by the church we belong to, whether in the form of scripture or counsel from our Church leaders.

For those that belong to ANY religion, you are aware that (in most cases) you are asked to live in a way that would sometimes go against your physical nature... or your true self. For example: genetically, our bodies are wired to reproduce. We have urges that, unless controlled, can create havoc in our lives. In many religions (mine included), we are taught to use our procreative power for particular purposes and NOT indiscriminately. Such is the difference between our AUTHENTIC HUMAN self and our SOCIALLY MODIFIED self. My body says it wants to have sex with anyone that it is attracted to... my beliefs say that it needs to be saved for my spouse. This should hopefully give a clear idea of the difference in these two selves... keeping in mind that they are BOTH selves that dwell inside of each and every one of us. Knowing this fundamental fact help us to more fully understand that inner conflict that each and every one of us, as human beings, can go through.

Let me further explain the Socially Modified Self, by quoting from Colin Tipping's "RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS":

This is the self that is not really us, but that we may have become in order to be accepted-the person others have wanted us to be. This is the socially constructed self we have become in order to fit in socially or within a family - even though it is not really us.
As members of any group, we agree to give up some aspects of ourselves in order to conform to certain group norms. Anyone who was brought up in a severely dysfunctional family is likely to have developed a highly modified self, which was simply formed as a way to survive. This conformity occurs at all levels of society: at work, school, church, political situations, in the media, and so on. That's because we are all social animals and are willing to adhere to group norms in order to be socially accepted.
But how much of our individual self-expression are we willing to give up in return for the comfort of being part of these groups? Suppose we are drawn to a particular religious group but have to conform to some very strict rules? Suppose we want to be a monk or a priest or a rabbi? Are we willing to modify who we are for certain purposes? The answer depends on a great many factors and might easily be "yes" if that choice is in line with our overall sense of self and purpose. However, we must ensure that the answer is "no" at the point where, in order to conform, we find ourselves failing to remember our own integrity. To be in integrity means to be whole and complete. If we fall out of integrity with ourselves, we are essentially living a lie. When we are out of integrity with ourselves, our authentic self is completely impaired. When we are inauthentic, we begin to sell ourselves short and chip away at our sense of self. Others will see through us and will eventually reject us. It is clear that we cannot live an inauthentic life for very long. The way to restore our integrity is to reclaim our true selves.

The part of this quote that really hits home to me is where the writer goes into detail about "integrity" and how it is important to be true (to an extent) our who we are and NOT try to conform to others, in order to be part of their group, whether social, religious or political.

In my 43 years, I have witnessed many people who have pretended to be one thing, when, in reality, they have been something completely different. I know that I have been guilty of doing that to an extent, but know that in order for myself to be completely happy and at peace with myself, I need to adapt to my surroundings (socially and religiously) without losing my personal integrity. I have come dangerously close to abandoning my integrity and they have been some of the most (internally) tumultuous times of my life.

The following is an exercise where I am to list the group of "qualities" as set forth in the exercises in RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS and list whether I have "adopted" or "rejected" said quality in order to conform or feel like I have really belonged, to be accepted by my family, church, peer group and so on. Keep in mind that when I list "adopted" or "rejected", it is in reference to my life, and NOT necessarily now.

Introverted: REJECTED (so many times I have had to leave my "comfort zone")
Extroverted: ADOPTED
Talkative: ADOPTED
Quiet: REJECTED
Intellectual: ADOPTED
Excitable: ADOPTED
A Strong Leader: ADOPTED (where I am most comfortable being a follower, I have had many instances where I have been required to lead... both from a religious and social standpoint)
Team Oriented: ADOPTED (I am always more comfortable doing "my own thing")
Individualistic: REJECTED
Manipulating: REJECTED
Courageous: ADOPTED (I have spent a great part of my life being "spineless". Times have changed.)
Fearful: REJECTED
Seductive: REJECTED (Where my body wants to do one thing, my values tell me another.)
Shy: REJECTED
Nervous: REJECTED
Narcissistic: REJECTED
Analytical: ADOPTED
Grouchy: REJECTED (to an extent)
Stingy: ADOPTED (Sometimes, a person needs to rob himself of "wants" for future "needs". I'm really trying to be better about that.)
Curious: REJECTED
Theatrical: ADOPTED
Ambitious: ADOPTED
A gambler: ADOPTED (And no, this is not a gambler in the Las Vegas sense. I will only ever play my $5.00 until it's gone. Consider THAT form of gambling to be "video games with ringing bells, butterflies in the stomach, and the lingering smell of an ashtray.)
Sexy: (What the...?)
A nurturer: ADOPTED
Blunt: REJECTED (although I am still far too blunt)
Competitive: REJECTED
Indecisive: REJECTED
Noncommittal: REJECTED (An ongoing struggle in many facets of my life.)
Practical: ADOPTED
Obedient: ADOPTED
Rebellious: REJECTED
Distrustful: ADOPTED (by default from other bad choices I have made)
Trusting: ADOPTED (in order to restore any distrust... yeah, it's confusing)
Caring: ADOPTED
Inflexible: REJECTED (I try to be flexible emotionally AND physically... not that the latter really matters)
Energetic: ADOPTED
Optimistic: ADOPTED
Pessimistic: REJECTED
Graceful: ADOPTED (I was dubbed a "clutz", when I was a kid)
Clumsy: REJECTED
Judgmental: REJECTED
Hardworking: ADOPTED
Lazy: REJECTED

One last note: In the process of creating the socially modified self, we often lose many parts of ourselves. These selves are distinct and deserve to be recongnized in their own right - and are referred to as our "lost selves." These will be the focus of the next exercises...

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 3 cont.: MY ROLE MODELS

2011-02-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

This portion of Exercise 3 is going to be a little more difficult for me than one would think. I think the reason for this is that I have strayed away from a mentality where I have tried to pattern my life after other individuals. Yes, there are people that I admire... and perhaps I shall list them... but, for the most part, I don't pick any particular individuals as "role models".

When I was a child, I used to attach myself to other people's "role models", in particularly my cousin, Chris. Chris and I grew up a few streets apart, and were in the same grade at school. He was my childhood chum. Chris was a few months older than me, so I was always comfortable being his "follower". I have always manifested a somewhat meek personality, especially when I was young. Because of this, I must have carried around a significant amount of insecurity as a child, and didn't fully begin to shake a great deal of that until I was in high school.

As a child, Chris loved airplanes. I, too, loved airplanes... but, mainly because Chris did. I would seek to learn what information he would throw my direction. In addition to this love of aviation, I would also follow Chris's lead when it came to the role models that he would try and identify with. I remember Chris being an avid Los Angeles Rams fan. I recall endless conversations about the likes of Fran Tarkenton and..... oh, screw it..... I'm lucky I remember Fran Tarkenton's name. My love of the Rams (and football in general) was based simply off of Chris's obsession with it. I wanted to fit in with him, as well as my peers.

My reason for rambling on about my grade school years is to make that point that I would create role models for myself, especially at a young age. Where some of the more confident children would openly idolize their sports heroes (like Fran Tarkenton), I idolized Chris. I don't believe that it was my intention to, but Chris seemed to know everything.

It wasn't until I was in junior high that I really began to form heroes of my own... and that came in the form of musicians. "Yes", you're saying.... "THAT is the group of people for you to pattern your life after". Oh... wait... you were being sarcastic? Ah, who am I fooling?? However, this was, in fact, the people that I really began to idolize. I think it must have been the image purveyed by my favorite musical group (as a teen) that really laid the path for who I would become as an adolescent.

Cheap Trick were a quirky four-piece Rock band from Illinois, with two of the members being good looking, fashionably dressed (well, as fashionably dressed as one could be in 1978) individuals, while the other two members were... well...not. Bun E. Carlos, the drummer, would simply wear his short sleeved, white dress shirt and tie, dark dress slacks, with a cigarette hanging out his mouth. And, NO... before you ask... I did NOT take up smoking on account of Bun E.'s incessant habit. However, the other "reject" in the group was Rick Nelson... guitarist extraordinaire. Rick, at one point in his career, owned over 500 guitars, most of them custom made to display a song title... or an object... or, in one case, HIMSELF. Either way, through the first 4 albums of their career, you would find Rick Nelson dressed in cardigan sweaters and dress pants, with a ball cap on his head. He was a nerd. He was proud to be a nerd. He knew he would never be the sex symbols that Robin Zander and Tom Petterson were, so he embraced his quirky nature and ran with it. I admired that. I knew that I wasn't ever going to be a jock. I knew that I was never going to be big. I was always going to be average. Average height, average weight, average shoe size, average looks, average... well... you get the point. Rick Nelson gave me the confidence to embrace who I was, and possibly even manipulate my appearance with quirky little accessories to make myself stand out. And... he helped give me my love of music.

Now, for the record, I never did take much stock in the Rock'n'Roll lifestyle OR the attitude. I loved the people that ran a little left of the mainstream. I vividly remember reading an article about REO SPEEDWAGON, when I was in 9th grade. It was one of the teen rags that would highlight whomever was at the top of Pop Culture. This happened to be after the release of HiInfedelity, the REO album that made them a household name. I loved that album. Many a night would I spend out in the living room... accordion door pulled shut... tennis racket in hand, pretending to be Gary Richrath (REO's guitarist at the time) playing the guitar solo from "FOLLOW MY HEART" as if I were, in fact, Rock's greatest guitarist. HEY!! MR. DAHL!! WHAT IS YOUR POINT?!? My point is that as much as I wanted to BE the big shots in my favorite bands, the guy I embraced as my role model was REO's drummer, Alan Gratzer. In this "teen rag"... you know, the one I was speaking of way back there, in the early part of this boring story... there was a short bio about each of the band members. In the short bio, the members were asked to describe their cars, their home, some of the things that they had acquired along with their celebrity. I remember seeing Mercedes Benz cars listed, rather expansive homes, all the things that you would expect to see from a Rock star. Alan Gratzer, on the other hand, was married... he had a wife and children... and lived in a 3 bedroom home and drove a Volvo station wagon. I was touched by his humility and his ability to lead, at least what appeared to be, a normal life.

As I have grown into an adult, something which I am STILL in the process of doing, I have looked elsewhere for the admirable traits that I have, at the very least, WANTED to emulate in my life. I have not always been successful, as I am who I am, and it is often difficult to be someone you are not. I try... sometimes I succeed... sometimes I fail.

One such example to me was that of my high school choir teacher. Some of my high school friends that may stumble across this blog post (via Facebook) will remember the quiet, professional dignity of Mr. Flinders. There was one trait that Mr. Flinders exhibited that I always held above the rest... and that was his patience. Not only his patience, but his ability to control over 100 students. Sure, Mr. Flinders had to reprove some of us, but he had a quiet, intense way of demanding our respect. I have ALWAYS wanted to handle people the way he did... and I have always failed.

Another person that I have always wanted to emulate... and may I add, MOST importantly... is that of Jesus. As I have become an adult I have reflected on the example of Jesus Christ, and the example of how He lived. Now, I don't want anyone to think that I am preaching my religion here, because I am not. If anything, I have separated my feelings about the example and life of Christ, APART from the way many Christians will do. Too many people in our world use the life and ministry of Christ as a catalyst to spread intolerance and hate.... two things that I have NEVER found in the teachings of Christ. Christ exemplified humility. He showed an unfailing patience. He told us to show only love for our fellow man. He told us that we should forgive those that have wronged us in any way. All of these things seem to contrast the attitude that too many "Christians" seem to emulate, in our world.

Another example to me is my father. Now, I know that my father will probably never read this, so I will be very candid about my relationship with him. First, let me say that my father is a good man and that I do love him. In retrospect, I think that I have spent a significant amount of my life trying to please him and feel that I have fallen short of that. In many ways, I think my father has had a difficult time understanding that we all have our own struggles in life, and we are anything but perfect. Especially me. Where my father really has been an example to me, is how he has taken a lifetime of physical adversity and used it as a catalyst to increase his faith in God. He has been diabetic since his early 30's (if not his late 20's) and has suffered all types of health problems over the years.

Serious health problems began to plague him back in the mid to late 80's, when he experienced kidney failure. At the time, I was serving a mission for my church, and was absent through the first half of his kidney problems. Before I had left on my mission, my dad was (for the most part) a rather jovial human being. He had a sense of humor and had always dealt with teens in a very good way. He was very popular with all the teenagers that dealt with him. After his kidney failure, his life seemed to take on a much more sober approach. Part of that, I'm sure, had to do with months of Dialysis, seeing people come and go... often to their graves. It must have been a horrible experience, not to mention the inner conflict of wondering IF and WHEN his kidney would become available. By time all was said and done, he received his kidney in May of 1989. Most doctors stated that the average life of a transplanted kidney is 8-10 years. Here we are, nearly 22 years later, and my father is still plugging along with that same kidney. After his transplant... and, more accurately, after his initial kidney failure... he really became a more serious person. Part of that was an introspection brought on by his endless hours of contemplating his mortality. At the same time, his faith in God really seemed to take off... just when many people might turn away from God, wondering why such horrible things were happening to THEM. I admire that quality in my father. I respect the way he has been able to turn the subsequent health problems (including amputation of his foot, endless eye problems, excessive weight gain due to many of his anti-rejection medications) into a catalyst to draw himself closer to his spiritual beliefs.

While I don't always see eye to eye with my father's spiritual and political beliefs, I do admire his faith and determination to NOT let his physical trials get him down.

If there is any trait that I would like to adopt... if it is at all possible for me... it would to become a more nurturing and loving father. I have always tried to be a "cool" dad... to be an open minded father... but, when it boils down to it, I seem to manifest the same impatience that I often from my own father. Especially, as my children have grown older. Sometimes my liberal approach to parenting has come back to bite me in the butt... other times I have not been nearly liberal enough to let my children stumble and fall, wanting to protect them from the dangers of the world. And, in reality, it's those times that we are down that we truly become better people.

So, to summarize this long reflection of my life, it is time for me to take what I have learned over the last 43 years and create my "ideal" self. My ideal self would be an all loving person, like Christ.... someone who is tolerant of everyone, regardless of their spiritual beliefs, their sexual orientation, or the way that they may treat me, personally. I would be a patient person, like Mr. Flinders. I would be a person that can take endless trials and use them to my betterment, like my father. I would like to be a truly humble person, someone who is comfortable with what he has and without feeling a need to have more. Okay... I think I have this one taken care of, but I am still thankful for Alan Gratzer's example of (at least what seemed to be) humility.

I have a long ways to go. I know that. However, I don't dwell on that. I take my life one day at a time, hoping that when I go to bed at night, I wake up a better person. THAT is all I can ask of myself...

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 3: IDENTIFYING MY IDEAL SELF

2011-02-10T20:57:00.001-08:00

Before I get busy identifying my "IDEAL" Self, I need to post a few more things about my (false) Inferred Self. The book (RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS by Colin Tipping) has requested that I write in my journal a statement that describes how I tend to be seen as a certain kind of person, with the qualities I have checked (both good and bad) that are NOT an accurate reflection of who I am. Hmmmmm.... let me think.

I would have to say that the quality that people tend to perceive me as, is that of "Extrovert". Because I can be an extremely outgoing person is some situations, people often think that I have no shame, when it comes to putting myself out on display. The reality is that I tend to be a fairly private person (so says the guy that seems to be putting a great deal of his personal life into a series of blog posts) that would prefer being at home, doing his own thing, over most social events. Frankly, I can't stand being in environments or groups of people, where the majority of people put on their "phony" face and try to portray themselves as something that they are not. Many people in "high society" seem to come across as anything but genuine.

The book also reminds me that I am NOT to blame the people "out there", but that I am to take full responsibility for the potential that I, myself, created the disparity. Hey, it's true... I won't deny it. I ofttimes come across as a very social person, when I am not. Plain and simple.

Anyhoo..... on to identifying my IDEAL Self.

What exactly, you ask, is an Ideal Self? Well, let me explain...

The Ideal Self is the Self that we would really LIKE to be. It is a "fantasy" self. Often times, we will strive to pattern ourselves after our perception of another person. It is usually harmless, and in the case of teenagers, actually helps us to define who we will eventually become.

I remember when I was back in high school. Many of the clothes that I wore were reflections of the musical artists that I listened to. I was a big fan of Paul Weller's band, THE STYLE COUNCIL. I would watch Style Council concert videos and use Paul Weller's outfits as a model of what I wanted to dress like. Or, perhaps I would see a hairdo that looked like something I wanted to model. Well, as far as my thick, wiry hair would allow. Sheesh... thick, wiry hair? Whoduthunk?!?

I am now going to go through the list in the book and highlight those traits that I do NOT feel that I currently have, but would like to have as part of my "ideal" Self.

Extroverted: It would be nice to actually be completely comfortable going out of my way to talk to people. For anyone from the Salt Lake area that watches the KUTV (Channel 2) morning news, you may be familiar with a young woman that does different fitness routines, on Thursday mornings. This young woman was from my last LDS "ward" (a church congregation) and I will never forget the first time that we met anyone from the ward. It was the annual Christmas party and we walked through the door, only knowing a couple people. Young Megan (who was probably 17 or 18, at the time) immediately left her family and came and sat by my family, openly engaging us in conversation. I was truly envious of her ability to leave her comfort zone.... ah, who am I fooling... her "comfort zone" is ENORMOUS.
Talkative: In a related story to the above mentioned person, I also have another close friend that seems to have the ability to talk to ANYONE, at any time. She travels a lot and will strike up conversations on the airplanes with just about anyone who is willing to talk. Me? I get on an airplane and count down the minutes until the plane has lifted off, so I can get my noise canceling headphones back on, and lose myself in my music.
Intellectual: Over the past couple of days, I have been giving great thought about going back to school. I may be 43 years old, and it may take me until I'm 50 to get a Bachelor's Degree, but I feel a very strong need to study Psychology. I have too many people in my life that are in great need of someone who can understand their emotional and mental needs, and I would like to have some kind of knowledge in the field. Heck, maybe I could become an actual therapist by time I'm 55!
A Strong Leader: In my last LDS ward, I was immediately thrust into the position of Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts of America. This is a position that requires a strong leader. An organized leader. A focused leader. I'm not any of them. If it weren't for the talented bunch of men and women that assisted me, I would have failed miserably. I have also served in a couple of subsequent leadership positions, in my church, yet still don't feel like I'm truly qualified for any of those positions. I had a desire to help... to do those things that most people try and escape from (service projects)... but never considered myself a leader. I could really dig being one.
Courageous: Courageous? Yeah... not me. I was the kid that was scared to death to turn 18, because I didn't even want the remote possibility of being drafted into the military, not to mention being shipped off to war. I'm a chicken... plain and simple.
Ambitious: To quote the musical group, GOLDEN PALOMINOS, 'my ambitions are wake up, breathe, keep breathing...' Hmmm... I could probably use some more ambitions... like going back to school.
Sexy: I could really use some classically handsome features. Like George Michael, any of the actors to play James Bond... or Marty Feldman.
A nurturer: If I have one regret, as a father, it's that I was never very nurturing. I know that the nurturing usually comes from "mother", but I could have used a little more that I seem to manifest. If my daughters would come to me with a "boo-boo", I'd say something akin to, "Oh, it's nothing... stop crying... you'll be fine." Geez, I'm an arse.
Practical: Practical. Heck, I don't even think I really know what that means! Oh... yeah... practical would be like my friend, Kristy Bassett, who is the queen of coupon shoppers. She would rather stock up on 5 of something, rather than let a good coupon go to waste. I don't even know how to cut coupons out of the newspaper. That's practical.
Trusting: Sure... leave your Black Lab (NOT on a hot day) in your mother-in-law's piece of crap car for a short while, only to find that the dog has completely shredded the interior of the car, and you are NEVER trusted again. Or am I the only one that this has happened to?
Energetic: I'm tired. I'm almost always tired. My job is exhausting. I can't even function without a bottle of Mountain Dew, in the morning. Heck, I can hardly function now. I wish I were energetic.
Hardworking: I'm VERY hard working at work.... it's when I get home that I struggle. I'd like to be hardworking all day long. That'd be swell.

Tune in tomorrow(?), when I will list specific individuals that have (what I consider to be) admirable traits...what those specific traits are.... and whether or not I think those individuals would be a good role model for me. Yeah.... this will be fun.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 2: IDENTIFYING MY (FALSE) INFERRED SELF

2011-02-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

What in the Sam Heck is an INFERRED SELF, you ask? Good question! It, in fact, is the part of our self that is perceived by other people. Or, rather, it is OUR perception of ourselves, based on what other people see in us. If we are around people and they are continuously laughing at our jokes, we perceive ourselves to be funny. If people are continually flirting with us, we may perceive ourselves as charming or attractive. Does that make sense? Sure, I knew it did.

The problem that the (false) Inferred Self can give, is when our perception of ourselves is NOT aligned with the perception of other people. This is most commonly found in teenagers as they are struggling to chisel out an identity, and are continuously having people (parents, peers, teachers) thrust THEIR perception of what that teen is, when the teen himself (or herself) doesn't even know.

Another problem with the Inferred Self is that it can change, depending on who we are with. We may socialize with one crowd and receive a perception of who we are, and turn around and get a completely different response from a different crowd. This was actually something I faced when I was a teenager. I remember some people being very amused by my sense of humor or outrageous antics, while others simply thought I was a freak. I am proud to say that one of my biggest critics (a guy who thought I was a freak of nature) ended up being one of my best friends in high school.

Well... now that we SHOULD have some kind of an idea as to what our (false) Inferred Self is, let's see how I perceive OTHERS' perceptions of me. In this exercise, I am supposed to list traits NOT listed in yesterday's exercise, although I may need to duplicate some. The reason being is that, in yesterday's exercise, I posted "Introverted" AND "Extroverted". Obviously, I am not both. One is a perception of me. SO, in reality, I need to go back and edit yesterday's post. Let's see how we do, today...

I AM NOT THESE, THOUGH PEOPLE THINK I AM:

EXTROVERTED (As stated, yesterday, I am really an introverted person. Much more comfortable holed up in my "Fortress of Solitude", doing my own thing.)
TALKATIVE (Another misconception about me is that I am talkative. I "can" be, given the right circumstances. Otherwise, I am rather reclusive and keep to myself.
INTELLECTUAL (This one is true, yet not true. I graduated high school with a cumulative GPA of 3.3 -give or take a couple points- and only took one piano class in college, before becoming misled about the possibilities of a college education. By time I had realized that my life truly COULD benefit from a college education, it was nearly impossible... what, with young children to feed and not enough money to pay tuition. Because I am somewhat "well read" and have continued to feed my mind, some people think I'm intellectual, to an extent. The truth is, I'm a good faker.)
GROUCHY (Many people probably think I'm grouchy. Kids, are you there? Do you think I'm grouchy? Trust me... if they were reading this, they would concur. Oh, there I go, being a pseudo intellectual by using big words like 'concur'. Silly me.
SEXY (A "few" people have said that I'm sexy. I don't see it. My eyes. Okay, I'll accept my eyes. But, other than that, I've never really been blessed with looks. In my opinion. I don't think I'm ugly, I just don't consider myself 'sexy'.
INFLEXIBLE (I was recently told, by someone very close to me, that I am the most stubborn person they have ever known. Wow. That is pretty inflexible. In reality, I tend to adapt to my surroundings, whatever they are. I'm a chameleon of sorts. Sometimes, my surroundings may be out of my comfort zone, but for the most part I can bend myself to fit most situations.

There you have it, folks... you now know a little more about me. Now, to go back to yesterday's exercise and edit it so you don't think I'm crazy.

Radical Self-Forgiveness - Exercise 1: IDENTIFYING MY AUTHENTIC SELF

2011-02-08T21:38:00.000-08:00

What is my "authentic self", you ask? Well... let me attempt to explain...

In his book, RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS, Colin Tipping explains that we all have several different "selves" inside our being. No, we're not Sybil... this goes much deeper than a multiple personality disorder. Housed within our beings, we have a total of 9 selves. They are...

My Judging Self
My Inferred Self
My Saboteur Self
My Self-Loving Self
My Socially Modified Self
My Ideal Self
My Sexual Self
My Authentic Human Self
My "I Am" Self

I will further explain the balance of the "selves", tomorrow.... for now, let's find out about MY Authentic Human Self, shall we?

First, the definition of my "Authentic Human Self": This is the self that expresses my natural essence as a human being. It's who I am at the core of my personality...my basic character... my genetically determined disposition and way of being, both good and bad. In humans, as long as we are not seriously altered by early life experiences severe enough to cause a split into subpersonalities (did someone say "Sybil"?), we will be more or less this same person all our lives.

So... what is my Authentic Human Self? Let's look at the activity and find out the answers to this question. This activity simply asks me to describe my authentic "real" self. I need to pretend... ah, heck.... I don't need to pretend anything.... I will assume that you don't know me from Adam, and I am here to describe myself. So, the following will be a list of traits that I believe I have manifested all of my life. Let's see how fun and exciting this gets.... (note: these descriptions were taken from the book, followed by my own personal descriptions.)

Introverted (This may come as a surprise to some, but I am more happy holed up in my personal space than doing just about anything.)
Quiet (This comes from my "shy" side. If I don't know you, chances are I won't talk to you.)
Happy-Go-Lucky (It would typically describe me, unless I get in one of my "moods")
Team Oriented (I usually try to get along with anyone I associate with... whether in my personal life or my professional life.)
Individualistic (For those of you that may have known me back in school, you would remember the "individualistic" side of me. The plaid blazer with contrasting plaid pants. The red, white and blue platform shoes. The trenchcoat. My dad sure hated that thing.)
Shy (Another one that people may have a hard time believing. I can be a very shy person. Most of the time I am.... but, there are the odd times where I am the opposite.)
Generous (I don't have much, but when I do, I am always willing to share. Unless we are talking about my gummy bears... and if THAT is the case, then you may get one. But just one.)
Passionate (I can be very passionate about things that I love. Especially when it comes to music. I remember my wife once reading a blog post about a recent musical discovery and she said that I wrote it as if it were a woman. No wonder things didn't work for us.)
Forgiving (With the exception of Christine Campbell turning me down at the church dance, when I was in 8th grade, I usually forgive anyone for any wrongdoing against me. It may take a little time, but it comes eventually. Christine, if you're out there..... grrrrrrrr.)
Blunt (Whether this trait was instilled in me from a genetic point of view, or if I just learned it from my friend, Craig, I'm not sure.... but fact of the matter is I am BLUNT. If your cellulite shows through your capri pants, I'll let you know. Trust me... I got in serious trouble for that one.)
Rebellious (Although not extremely jealous, I have had a tendency to do things a different way just to be different. I want to be a person to do things on my own, NOT because I have been told to.)
Optimistic (This has always been one of my most positive assets in life. I am an optimist, through and through. I try and see the good in any situation. I try and see the beauty in everyone. Although the lady at the grocery store really pushed that trait to the limit. Heck... there wasn't any beauty.)
Lazy (This one is funny, because I am an extremely hard worker at work. Then, when I get home.... pfffft. I don't know if it is due to the fact that I exert all my energy at work -honestly, I think that is the case... especially in the hot summer-, but when I get home it is very difficult for me to do much.)
Funny (I have always made it a point to make people laugh. I love brightening people's days... and if my humor helps, then I'm happy.)
Peacekeeper (Another trait that usually helps, but sometimes hinders me... I am a peacekeeper. I hate contention. I strive to bring people together. You could say I'm an emotional cupid.)

There you go, folks... tomorrow we will identify my (False) Inferred Self. That should be fun.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 5: THE GIFT OF.....?

2011-02-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to say. I really am at an impasse. I wanted to work my way through the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse, but found myself getting held up with the "Forgiveness" section. The reason being is that I just got "RADICAL SELF-FORGIVENESS", the brand new book by Colin Tipping (author of "Radical Forgiveness"), and started reading it, last night. As far as "forgiveness" is concerned, it follows the same lines as the 21-Day Cleanse, but goes MUCH deeper. The concept being that humanity tends to bury things that they may feel guilty about, creating a negative energy that bleeds into their relationships. The program in "Radical Self-Forgiveness" is set up to purge one's soul of these buried emotions, replacing those dark spaces with light... creating an energy that can actually be felt by others.

Another reason why I am struggling to move forward with the Consciousness Cleanse is that I had some emotionally traumatic events occur over the weekend. I won't go into details, but will just say that positive emotions that I have worked to establish over the past four months have been (all but) thrown out the window. I am working on getting myself back into a "happy place", while trying to focus on both programs that I have gotten myself involved in. So..... what to do, what to do?

I think I am going to wrap this up and read more of "Radical Self-Forgiveness". I will proceed tomorrow.... either sharing stories of THAT program, or conclude the "Forgiveness" portion of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse. So... stay tuned.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 4 - THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS

2011-02-06T10:09:00.000-08:00

Ah.... Day 4....The Gift of Forgiveness. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart. Something that hits VERY close to home. Forgiveness is something that I believe each and every one of us could utilize a little more. Some more than others. With the possible exception of a guy I work with. His nickname is "Smiley", and that sums up everything about him. I have literally never met an individual like him. He literally smiles nearly all the time and, in my years of being acquainted with him, has shown no guile whatsoever. He can receive a "letter of warning" (a form of Postal discipline) and, although a little perplexed about the situation, still walk out of the manager's office with a smile on his face. Oh, if we could all be like him.

I think that, although I consider myself a fairly forgiving person, I have a long way to go before I have the principle of forgiveness mastered. Christine Campbell, if you're out there, I STILL remember the time I asked you to dance, back when I was in 8th grade. I still vividly remember you saying to me, "I'd rather not." Was it because I was a zit riddled kid? Was it because you were in 9th grade and wouldn't be seen with an 8th grader? Did I smell? WHAT WAS IT?!?!? *pfft* As you can see, I have some things I still need to work out.

If I can, I'd like to the words of Debbie Ford, in her book "The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse". In her book, Ms. Ford describes how we can only achieve the person we want to become, when we can shed the chains of our past that keep us prisoner from our true potential. She states: "You must give up all your old ways of thinking, being, acting and behaving in order to form new patterns of life based on who you know you can be rather than who you've been in your past. And you cannot do this until you release your ties to those who have harmed you, left you, deceived you, or hurt you in any way."

For those of you who know me, you are probably aware that I have recently separated from my wife of 21 years. I do not blame her for the dissolution of our marriage, but know that her upbringing created a deep seeded inability to truly forgive. It wasn't her fault. It was an already existing cycle of negativity that made it difficult for her to let go of things that I did. I take full responsibility for doing the things that led to the unbreakable cycle of hurt that eventually led to the demise of our relationship. At the same time, I know that if BOTH of us had had the ability to truly forgive each other, as well as everyone else that had caused us emotional harm, we probably would have survived as a couple. As a matter of fact, I have no doubt about that. Again, I don't lay the blame at her feet.... ultimately, I take that burden upon myself.

Again, let me revisit the words of Debbie Brown.

"Without forgiving all those you have harbored bad feelings toward, you continue to be imprisoned by your past. If you do not cut the cords of resentment, you will be held captive by the very people you are trying to get away from."

Wow.... how true is that?

"Without activating this most powerful agent of change, you will continually have hooks binding you to the incidents that caused the resentment in the first place. Because the outer world is a reflection of your inner world, these hooks throw out energy and will ensure that you re-create, in other situations, the same bad feelings you are holding on to inside yourself."

This is SO true. I know... it's something I have lived through. It breaks my heart to see those that I care about end up in and endless cycle of hurt and pain because they don't know how to forgive those that have hurt them. As a Christian, I am often humbled by the teachings and admonition of Christ, when he commanded us to forgive those that have hurt us... not just once, but "seventy times seven". It breaks my heart when I see so many people, who profess to be Christians, refusing to forgive those that may have caused them pain and suffering.

This reminds me of another story. I used to work with a girl that seemed to be enveloped in negative energy. Apart from her small circle of friends, she seemed to openly loath everyone around her. I didn't take it personally, and tried to just recognize it as her personality. Then, during the course of our working relationship, I found out that she worked at a local catalog company's warehouse. This company was mentioned in a conversation on a local radio program, referring to rumors that a box with over a thousand Brown Recluse spiders had been shipped to the company from Africa, releasing the army of extremely dangerous spiders into the warehouse. Because this species of spider is rare to the area, the radio hosts had speculated that it wasn't true. They attempted to contact the company and were intentionally blown off. If my effort to help resolve the situation, I asked the girl I worked with, if the story were true. She said that it was, if fact, true, so I proceeded to call the radio show and let them know that "my co-worker from the (name withheld) Post Office" had confirmed the story. Without any names being used, her company put two and two together and realized that this girl had indirectly gotten the story on the radio, which they had been fighting tirelessly to prevent from happening. I had no idea that the company was trying to keep a lid on it, and my sharing the story was an innocent gesture to try and put to rest a debate that had actually surfaced on two subsequent days. In the end, this girl lost her job with this company. She was livid and lashed out at me. I profusely apologized, and told her that I would contact the company and let them know that it wasn't her fault, that it had actually been my fault. In the end, she got her job back with the company. I didn't even need to contact them. One would think that the drama would have ended at that point right? Right? Wrong. To this day, I believe that she still harbors a grudge against me, even though she never did permanently lose her job. It was an innocent thing. If I had ever known that it would have put her job on the line, I would have never contacted the radio station.

For months, I dreaded going to work. I hated to face her, knowing how much she disliked me. It was very difficult for me. At one point, I had even considered bidding out of the office, just so I could get away from her negativity and anger. Knowing that one can never run away from problems, I eventually decided to stay. But, also knowing that I needed to be happy, I simply resolved to let it all go. To NOT worry about it. All I could do was tell myself that I was not going to let my life be affected by HER inability to forgive.

This is the practice that we all need to take on... as difficult as it may be. We need to list all those that have hurt us, and do everything in our power to forgive them. Life is too short to fill it with hate and anger. I have a very passionate belief in this, and I hope that if YOU are harboring these types of feelings, to anyone in your lives, that you will be able to let them go.

In his book, "A NEW EARTH", spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, talks about this. He likens our human nature to hold grudges to that of the duck. We have heard the statement that we need to shed anger like water from a duck. Eckhart takes it one step further. He refers to the behavior of ducks when they find themselves in conflict with other water fowl. Two ducks will engage each other, proceed with what we would consider a fight, then immediately after the conflict has seemingly finished, they will erupt into a frenzy of flapping wings. Then, after they seem to have completely shed the energy that has engulfed them, they drift away (assuming they are in the water) as if nothing happened. They seem to have the ability to shed the chains of resentment and contentment in a matter of seconds, and continue on with their lives as if nothing has happened. That is what WE, as human beings, need to do. When we bury that hate and resentment deep inside ourselves, we not only affect our lives for (literally) years to come, but the lives of everyone around us.

So... what are the "cleansing rituals" that I need to engage in? Well, tune in later today for that answer. I've been "yakkin'" on long enough. In the meantime, I hope that you, the reader, can take an inventory of YOUR lives. Think of those that have hurt you, and do what you need to break those chains that have held you back from reaching your greatest potential. By doing that, not only will your lives become more fulfilling, but so will the lives of those around you.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 3 - THE GIFT OF RELEASE (Pt. 2)

2011-02-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

To begin "part 2", it's time to begin the Cleansing Ritual. This is going to be fun. The first thing I am supposed to do is take some time to reflect on what has interrupted and corrupted my pure and natural state.... what is, right here and now, acting like a toxic spill within the pristine environment of my conscious heart. Well... that's easy. I was in a pretty good place mentally and emotionally, today. Work was smooth, the weather was decent (which means no snow and we are out of the arctic cold temperatures of earlier in the week), management was tolerable (if not even pleasant) and it was Saturday (which is the same as Friday, for the rest of you). All was well until I received a series of animated, almost accusatory texts from a family member. When I suggested that we (this family member and I) speak on the phone, we did, and it promptly erupted into a one-sided yelling match, complete with some hurtful things being said. I was probably guilty of saying something hurtful, even though it wasn't intended to be hurtful. Words directed at me were most definitely hurtful, yet I remained calm. However, the peace and solace that I was feeling earlier in the day was disrupted and I never did completely find it again. I might add that I did feel proud of myself that I did not lose my temper during any of the unpleasant exchanges. This is a big step for me, as in years past I would have completely lost my temper.

The second step in the cleansing rituals is to reflect on the toxicity that I have carried around in my life, and rate it (on a scale of 1-10) on how it has effected my flow of well-being, in addition to stealing the vitality from me in the following core areas. The number one would translate as "not much", with the number 10 translating as "more than I can calculate". Let's have some fun, shall we?

My self-esteem: 2
My confidence: 3
My physical energy: 3
My creativity: 3
My passion: 5
My intuition: 2
My future: 1
My sense of peace: 3
My ability to love: 3
My ability to be loved: 1

Next, I am to remember that "the truth will set me free", so I need to take time to admit what is STILL poisoning my consciousness at this point in my life. Hmmmm... good question. I think of all the things that plagued me as a child, most of them are irrelevant, at this point in my life. Acne, being picked last to play sports, a chipped tooth, and a plethora of other things that left me feeling insecure, have not impacted me greatly at this point in my life. Yes, I am still insecure about some things... certain aspects of my appearance, my ability to be a nurturing father, other "personal" things... but, I usually try and remind myself of the positive things that I do, and the positive aspects of my personality. I tend to look at life from a healthy perspective. However, that being said, the events of this evening have taken me a few steps back in the overall road to healing and complete inner peace. Such is life. Every time we take 2 steps forward, we may be forced to take a step back. What matters is how we deal with those trials. I try to keep plodding forward, despite the setbacks.

SOUL FOOD
I am released from the bondage of my past.

THE 21-DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE

What is the condition of your flame right now? After a brief setback with tonight's events, my flame is burning brighter... thanks to caring people, good music and a peaceful environment.

On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate it? 6

Where would you like it to be at the end of the day? Considering I am composing this at the end of my day, I would like to see it burn at a 7.

What is your intention of the day? What intention can you create to strengthen and fuel your flame? By simply focusing on "the now". This is my greatest asset with today's challenges. The past has nothing to offer and the future is not a certainty.

What is the primary feeling you want to generate from your intention? Confidence and peace.

What will you need to do to insure that your intention becomes a reality? Take a step back from the chaos and drama and remember that I am in control of my destiny. My happiness is determined by only one person....... ME.

What will you have to give up - a thought, belief or behavior - to ensure that you fulfill your intention for today? I must give up the behavior of ego. I must not take a stance thinking that "I am right", and remember that any potential pain is really based on my outlook of the circumstances I find myself in.

What healing mantra - what sentence or phrase - can you repeat to yourself throughout the day to soothe your soul and manifest your intention? I really liked the Soul Food for the day. "I am released from the bondage of my past."

How many times throughout the day do you need to hear this? Maybe just once a day... maybe more. We'll see.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 3 - THE GIFT OF RELEASE (Pt. 1)

2011-02-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

First off, get your minds out of the gutter. Second, let me take a moment to revisit yesterday's undertaking.... the Gift of Self-Awareness. This was a tough one for me, as it requires that I make a list of all the people that I've wronged... all the things that I have done that have hurt other people... all the things that I have done that have hurt me. The most important aspect of this part of the cleanse is to look at all these wrongdoings as an OBSERVER, and not attach any personal emotions to them. It's very difficult for me. I guess I have always been a little tenderhearted. I have not always been the nicest person, but I do feel bad when I upset or hurt other people.

Being instructed to write a list of those that I have hurt did, in fact, make me feel a little emotional. For the most part, I go through life trying NOT to hurt people. It's not always the case. More than anything else, I probably feel pain from the hurt I have caused my immediate family over the last several months. For those of you who don't know me... or have just been outside of the loop... I separated from my wife of 21 years. In retrospect, we were two people that complimented each other in some ways, but were desperately different in others. It's difficult for me to look back on some of those memories without becoming VERY emotionally attached. At the same time, I know that in the end, Tiffany and I will both be happier people. In addition to the pain that I have caused Tiffany, I also have regrets about the way I interacted with my daughters. I have three daughters, the oldest 19 and the youngest 15. My middle daughter (who is 16) and I have always been fairly close. That is party because she has always been an inquisitive person and will constantly initiate conversations. She is also very social. My other daughters, while social to an extent, are not quick to initiate conversations. Being a man, I often don't know what girls really want to talk about. I have felt uncomfortable talking to them about anything besides music. I often felt that if they had "boy troubles" that they would go to their mother. They have always been very close to Tiffany, and I let those relationships flourish, without interfering too much. I regret that I didn't take a more focused role in their lives.

I am sure there have been other people over the years that I have hurt or offended in some ways. If you happen to be one of them, I am truly sorry for any hurt that I may have caused you.

THE GIFT OF RELEASE

The central focus of the next 24 hours will be RELEASING those things that have weighed down on me over the past 24 hours. One of the most important things we can do is to let go of things that may diminish our internal flames. I often think of the wise words of Eckhart Tolle in any of his published works, but most importantly his book, THE POWER OF NOW. One of his most recurring topics is that of letting go of the past and not dwelling on the future. I have a dear friend who is going through a lot of uncertainty in her life, and I often think of how her life would be easier if she didn't dwell so much on the future. While it is important to NOT move through life blindly, it is equally imperative that we don't bog ourselves down with those things that we can't control. The only part of our lives that truly matters is the present.... those things that we are currently experiencing. Suppose we have a root canal coming up three weeks down the road. We are frightened to death of the dentist, but it needs to be done to save the tooth. If we dwell on it for those three weeks, not only will it cause us discomfort the day that it takes place, but it will ruin the three weeks leading up to it. If we make it a point to NOT pay heed to the dreaded thoughts, we can continue on with a happy, productive life, with only a couple hours of discomfort (the root canal) along the way.

The first exercise that I am told to do is to think of all the mean things that have been said to me over the years. All the times that I was told I was weak or overweight. The times that I was picked last to play sports, in junior high (which was nearly every time). And then there were the times throughout my adolescence that I was told I had a "bad attitude". Yes, in retrospect, I probably did. I felt bad about it, but I had a hard time controlling it.

Next, I am to list the negative things that I have told MYSELF. "You're worthless and weak.... what are you going to do with your life?!?" Well... that's easy. "I wanna rock". Seriously, I have told myself negative things throughout my life. I have often chided myself for not having a college degree. For not having the successful life of my brother. For not pursuing a better education to allow myself the opportunities for any career I wanted. For having bad acne (adolescence). For having acne scars (now). For being a little overweight (up until 9 months ago). For being insensitive (almost all the time). For not being a good husband or father (often). For being spiritually weak (on a regular basis).

In the exercise, I am told to imagine that each of the negative things that have been said to me, either by others or by myself, is a pellet of pesticide. Then, after pondering about the plethora of negative things that I have been told over the years, I am to imagine that all these pellets are put together into a brick. How big is the brick? How heavy is it? Truth be told, in my life, my brick would be much smaller than many people's.

I will conclude Day 3, tomorrow... and continue with another exercise where I rank several "emotional" traits, on a scale of 1-10. It'll be fun, so come back to see just how "passionate" I am.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 2 - THE GIFT OF SELF-AWARENESS

2011-02-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

I am concluding Day 1 of my Consciousness Cleanse, which has focused on The Gift of Desire. Today, the core of my focus was on my desire for inner peace. Unfortunately, from the moment I clocked on at work, I was thrust into a world of inner contention. Our office (I'm a Letter Carrier for the United States Postal Service) has been under scrutiny for not being as productive as other offices. I truly dislike the fact that the Postal Service has moved from being a "service" oriented organization to a "numbers" oriented business. Management does everything to try and squeeze as much work out of us as possible, with no incentive. I was told by my first supervisor (as a Carrier) that 'the only reward for hard work in the Postal Service is MORE work'. A more fitting statement has never been spoken.

Anyhow, today we had the displeasure of an upper management person visiting our office, where our management was pacing back and forth as if they were the Gestapo of the Third Reich. Intimidation was their sole purpose. Between those mind games and the fact that they completely changed our normal protocol to make themselves look better, I was livid. Immediately I was forced to take deep breaths and say to myself, "Lose my temper, lose my life". I was fighting feelings of anger for the next two hours, as I prepared my route for the day's deliveries. Once I made it "to the street", all was well. Throughout the rest of the day, I practiced my usual exercises to maintain some sense of inner peace. It worked... for the most part. Let's just say that my language dramatically improved once I was not in the negative work environment of the office.

Day 2- THE GIFT OF SELF-AWARENESS

For the next 24 hours, my focus will be on that of "self-awareness". During this period of the cleanse, I will turn my attention to that which is secretly (or maybe not so secretly) robbing me of my soul's desires. or standing in the way of my fulfilling them. During this time, I am supposed to work through the process of un-concealing and embracing any unprocessed shame, guilt, hurt and remorse. It is only through releasing the past that we are able to open ourselves up to a new, inspiring future. During this time, I am expected to reflect on any of these past actions as in impartial observer. I need to be AWARE of my behavior, but not overly identified with it.

To do this, I need to dig deeply into the past and acknowledge the things that I wish I had never said or done, and to admit to the choices I've made or failed to make that robbed me of happiness and self-respect. It is only by acknowledging these behaviors that we are not proud of, that we can purge them from our consciousness, creating room inside our consciousness, enabling us to reach our greatest potential.

CLEANSING RITUAL

Today, I must take an honest inventory... a "searching and fearless" inventory (as stated in many 12-step programs) and NOT a bitter and blaming one... of all the undigested experiences that are still creating toxicity within my mind and body.

At this point, I am to create a journal, answering a few thought provoking questions.

What do I wish I had never done?
What do I wish I could forget?
What do I wish I could do differently?
What behaviors have I participated in that intentionally or unintentionally brought harm to others?

I must also make a list of everything that has gone wrong in my life that I have taken too personally.

In addition to this, I must answer these questions:

How have I punished myself?
What do I do to beat myself up?
What are all the reasons I believe I hold on to them?

The most interesting thing is that once I answer these questions, exposing many of the things that I have been dragging around for many years, I am instructed to do NOTHING about them. The very act of getting this "inner residue" outside of me and onto paper will have a transformative power of its own.

The final step is to write down what would be available to me if I allowed ALL of my human behaviors, thoughts, feelings and experiences to live outside of myself... a short distance from me... from now on.

SOUL FOOD
My darkness is an absence of light.

THE 21-DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE

What is the condition of your flame right now? It is healing, after a somewhat negative day at work. I have spent some time with my daughter, taken a refreshing nap and enjoyed some time away from the rigors and stresses of the world.

On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate it? Right now, I would rate it around 7. Earlier, it was down to 3-4.

Where would you like it to be at the end of the day? By time I go to bed, I would like it to be at 8-9.

What is your intention of the day? What intention can you create to strengthen and fuel your flame? Reflect on the questions I am faced with and attempt to let them be, knowing that they will dissipate on their own.

What is the primary feeling you want to generate from your intention? In the end, I want to feel no shame or guilt for past decisions and actions that I may have made. I know this may take time, but I want to be free of the shackles of negative feelings. I know that I can accomplish this through my belief in God and my belief in Christ.

What will you need to do to insure that your intention becomes a reality? The first thing to do is create this journal entry. By doing so, I will get these things from my inner being on to paper. From there, I must remind myself that I am just an observer and not harbor any negative feelings whatsoever.

What will you have to give up - a thought, belief or behavior - to ensure that you fulfill your intention for today? For the most part, I have accepted the belief that we are all imperfect beings and that we all have burdens of our own. Knowing this, I know that I am no different than most people. When I was a teen, I used to beat myself up with guilt, thinking that I was the only one in the world doing things that I had been told were "immoral", only to find out as an adult that most people I know did the same thing. I often reflect as to how my life may have been different if I hadn't convinced myself that I was "broken" and a horrible human being. It was devastating to my feelings of self worth and probably held me back from reaching my greatest potential. Today, I need to just remind myself that we each have our own burdens and trials that we deal with. Knowing this, it makes it easier for me to not become too emotionally burdened by my past actions.

What healing mantra - what sentence or phrase - can you repeat to yourself throughout the day to soothe your soul and manifest your intention? John 3:16

How many times throughout the day do you need to hear this? As often as needed.

Consciousness Cleanse: DAY 1 - THE GIFT OF DESIRE

2011-02-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

As I begin the Consciousness Cleanse, I must point out the routine with which I am going to follow, each day of the program. Firstly (and most importantly), I am going to post my daily focus THE NIGHT BEFORE. The program is set to begin the day with introspection, but I find it begin my day in the evening, and allow myself the chance to go to sleep, pondering on my following day's cleansing principle.

The second part of the routine is, as follows: I will begin by naming the topic of the day's focus, followed by a description of what I am attempting to accomplish. Third, each day will have a series of cleansing "rituals", which will on occasion contain personal items. At the conclusion of each day, there will be a worksheet that will describe how I am feeling on each day of the program. Although the worksheet will be identical, each day will have it's own detailed responses.

Today's focus is THE GIFT OF DESIRE. Although the word "desire" is often associated with things of a romantic or sexual nature, desire is what drives us to truly reach our greatest potential. To quote Debbie Ford, 'Desire is the spark that ignites the flame of your soul and illuminates your innate creativity, imagination, and vision. It is the impulse that gives you the ambition and the energy to share your unique talents with the world.'

'Desire is the most important catalyst for bringing about radical change... ' Debbie Ford

CLEANSING RITUALS:

Make a list of all your desires - both things that you want to achieve in the outer world and those that you want to feel inside.

At this point, I will list several of my desires. Following each desire, I will specify if the desire is that of my "outer" world, or my "inner" world.

Complete and total "inner peace" (inner) *
Free of Anger (inner)
Free of Hate (inner)
Full of love for all mankind and living things (inner)
Be forgiving of all wrongdoing against me (inner)
Lose 5-10 pounds (outer)
Return to school (outer)
Establish a comfortable savings (outer)
Be financially independent (outer)
Improve my talents, especially guitar (outer)
Compose my own song, lyrically and musically (outer) *

Included in the list are two items with asterisks. These two topics, one from "inner" and one from "outer", are to be the two focal desires that I will make a big part of my 21-day Consciousness Cleanse.

SOUL FOOD
"My soul's desire is the voice of God"

THE 21-DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE

What is the condition of your flame right now? My flame is in good shape. Although I had a somewhat frustrating day, I am free from conflict at this time. I have settled in for the evening, have been doing productive things, and will soon be engaging in Yoga and meditation to help accomplish my goal of inner peace.

On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate it? 7

Where would you like it to be at the end of the day? 10 (naturally)

What is your intention of the day? What intention can you create to strengthen and fuel your flame? The intention of my day is to focus on keeping my demeanor in check. To not lose my temper and to try and maintain a feeling of peace within myself, at all times.

What is the primary feeling you want to generate from your intention? I think it is pretty evident that "inner peace" is what I want to generate from today's exercise.

What will you need to do to insure that your intention becomes a reality? I have found a mantra that I can repeat to myself every time I feel anger surfacing. In reading MEN'S HEALTH magazine, I came across an article that talks about how research is showing evidence that our lives can be shortened if we are angry people. A mantra that was described in the article said something to the effect of, "Lose my temper, lose my life". Whenever I feel a loss of patience and a surge of anger, I will take a step back and repeat this phrase to myself.

What will you have to give up - a thought, belief or behavior - to ensure that you fulfill your intention for today? I must give up the thought that anyone or anything would intentionally set out to hurt me. In doing so, I will not harbor any ill feelings towards anyone or anything else.

What healing mantra - what sentence or phrase - can you repeat to yourself throughout the day to soothe your soul and manifest your intention? In addition to the mantra mentioned above, I will also remind myself of the simple phrase shared, in song, by one of my favorite musical groups, TALK TALK. It simply says, "Life's what you make it...celebrate it".

How many times throughout the day do you need to hear this? It depends on how my day goes. In essence, it could be as few as 2-3 times... or maybe as many as 10-15.

My New Undertaking - "THE 21-DAY CONSCIOUSNESS CLEANSE"

2011-02-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

I have recently discovered a book by Debbie Ford, (founder of the Ford Institute for Transformational Training, called, "The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse". This book, or rather "program", is designed to cleanse the consciousness of the negativity, pain, hurt and "baggage" that we have been dragging around. Many of us are hurt in different ways, from the time we are born. In many cases we carry around negative feelings from the time we were small. In Ms. Ford's book, she brings up the notion that it is impossible for us to completely heal from our pasts by just feeding positive things into us. If the space inside our consciousness is occupied by negativity, positive messages, whether in the form of books that we read or guided meditations, may offer a short-term solution, but won't completely heal us from the hurt that we carry with us. In order to completely heal from those things, we need to clear our consciousness of the negativity, leaving a space for the positive things in our life to occupy.

Over the next 21 days (give or take a few) I am going to attempt to go through the 21 step program to try and free myself from any hurt and negative energy that may occupy my consciousness. I often look at myself as a rather optimistic and upbeat person, but I know that deep down inside, I carry my fair share of baggage, like most people that call this planet "home".

In addition to the activity of going through this Consciousness Cleanse, I am going to attempt to chronicle each day's activity on this blog. I hope it will give you, the reader, an idea of what each of us can do in order to find total inner peace. It's something that very few of us enjoy in our lives, but something that we ALL need. It is my hope that each and every one of us can arrange our lives so that we can find a complete sense of happiness and peace. By doing this, not only will our lives become a more fulfilling experience, but it will help the planet to become a better place to live.

The Amega Wand: A life changing tool...

2010-08-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

First, let me point out.... I feel weird even doing this blog post. It isn't my style. However, because of the positive changes in my life, I feel obligated to share it with you.

The item I am talking about is the Amega "wand". This pen shaped, metallic wand is taking the world by storm. Having created waves all over Europe and Asia, it finally made it's way to North America, just last year. What is it, you ask? Let me explain.

The Amega wand is one of many products created and marketed by Amega Global, a worldwide layered marketing company. The company has created products that utilize "Zero Point Energy" technology, which was first proposed by Albert Einstein and Otto Stern, back in 1913. Here is a more in depth definition:

Zero-point energy is the lowest possible energy that a quantum mechanical physical system may have and is the energy of the ground state. The quantum mechanical system that encompasses this energy is the zero-point field. The concept was first proposed by Albert Einstein and Otto Stern in 1913. The term "zero-point energy" is a calque of the German Nullpunktenergie. All quantum mechanical systems have a zero-point energy. The term arises commonly in reference to the ground state of the quantum harmonic oscillator and its null oscillations.

Zero-point energy is sometimes used as a synonym for the vacuum energy, an amount of energy associated with the vacuum of empty space. When the term is used in this way, sometimes it is referred to as the quantum vacuum zero point energy. In cosmology, the vacuum energy is one possible explanation for the cosmological constant.^[1] The variation in zero-point energy as the boundaries of a region of vacuum move leads to the Casimir effect, which is observable in nanoscale devices.

The belief is that the products distributed by Amega utilize and energize the Zero Point Energy, which is at the core of all molecular compounds. This means the cells of your body, as well as those inanimate objects around you. Amega offers an array of items, which help with an array of things... from energy to healing. At the end of this post, I will put a link to the Omega Global website, which offers more information about the products. For now, I would like to talk about my exposure and subsequent conversion to the products.

I was first exposed to the Amega wand through my mother-in-law. I should point out that as long as I have known her (now 21 years), she has ALWAYS been involved with multi-level marketing... to no avail. Along with her obsession with companies like Amway, Melaleuca and others, she has always been fascinated with holistic forms of medication and Alternative Medicine. DMSO is something that she has been pitching to us for years and years. While I believe that DMSO has it's place in Alternative Medicine, I think her take on it bleeds into the... well... eccentric. DMSO cures EVERYTHING, as far as she's concerned.

So, when Cheryl (my mother-in-law) approached me with the Amega wand, at first I just rolled my eyes (to myself, as I didn't want to hurt her feelings). She would go on and on about her wand, wanding her food... wanding her water... wanding the room... wanding herself... wanding us. Eventually, she began pestering Tiffany and I about attending one of her meetings, where they would talk about the benefits of the Amega products, as well as actually use the products on people. Tiffany had attended one of the meetings without me, and had been wanded by several people in attendance. She had injured her rotator cuff, while lifting weights, and had been in pain for at least two months. While remaining committed to her exercise regiment, she felt like she was being held back by the injury. While working with a personal trainer, he would try and utilize exercises that would help her to condition the muscle, while not agitating it.

When she attended the meeting of people interested in the Amega products, she was wanded for several minutes. According to her description, it felt "warm", and the pain, for the most part, totally subsided. Within a week the injury had fully healed, and to this day, she hasn't experienced any further discomfort. Tiffany was not a full blown convert, but she was definitely liking what she felt.

Eventually, I attended a meeting with her, and experienced the power of the wand, for myself. The gentleman conducting the meeting tried several different tests on me. First, he had me stand up and hold my arm out. He tried pushing down on my arm, while commanding me to stand on both feet, not moving. Because it was his two arms versus my one arm, not only did my arm get pushed down, but I lost my balance, forcing me to move one of my feet. He then commenced to wand my body, rotating the wand in a clockwise motion (the wand ALWAYS needs to be rotated in a clockwise motion, in order for it to work properly), because this is the way all things in nature rotate. From the sun and it's orbiting planets to the nucleus of the atom, with it's rotating electrons.

Following his wanding, he did the same test. When my arm should have been more fatigued, I actually held more resistance, while being able to maintain my balance. The gentleman then did the same experiment, except this time, he wanded a circle on the floor and then asked me to stand in the circle... with the same result. A cynic might accuse the man of not pushing with all of his might, on the second attempt, but I assure you, it was evident that he was exerting all his energy.

Following this experiment, the man then asked me if I was experiencing any pain. I am a Letter Carrier, by profession, and often experience chronic aches and pains, related to my job. It just so happened that this particular day, I was feeling aches in one of my ankles. He proceeded to wand my ankle for several minutes, before asking me if the pain had decreased. It had! To my amazement, not only had MY pain decreased, but there was a gentleman that showed up simply to have a chronic condition of his own wanded. He wasn't even affiliated with the company, but had faith in the healing powers of the wand.

By the end of the meeting, my mother-in-law signed me up with the company. In addition to doing this, she was kind enough to buy me a wand. For the following ten days, I couldn't believe how excited I was to get the wand... to really try it out.

As stated, I often feel chronic aches and pains related to my job. One such chronic pain was in my left elbow. Because I spend at least two hours of each day cradling mail in my left arm, I had adopted the condition commonly known as "tennis elbow". I had seen a doctor, and all they did was prescribe me a brace, as well as Ibuprofin. I wore the brace, and I took the pain medication, but the aching persisted. After getting my wand, the first thing I did was take it to the elbow. I have not been pain free, the entire time, but most days I can honestly say that I don't feel any pain. My knees, which have had a similar chronic pain (dating back several years), have also been (mostly) pain free. In addition to my chronic pains, the day I received the wand was also a day when I had been experiencing an abscess in one of my teeth. This has been something that has come and gone for the better part of the year. Sometimes the pain was unbearable, but by time I could get around to see a dentist, the pain had usually subsided (it seemed I was always experiencing these extreme bouts of pain on weekends). Not only did the pain not get too extreme, but it quickly dissipated, going away after about 24 hours. The infection even worked itself out, without the aid of an antibiotic.

So, two months later, and you can see me wanding myself... or one of my family members... on any given day. Another thing I use my wand for, is to energize my water. It may look silly for me to stir my mug (at work) or glass (at home) of water, with my wand, but it honestly changes the way I feel. In addition to the added energy that it gives the water (thereby giving me), it actually alters the taste it. I kid you not. Somehow, the Zero Point Energy energizes the food, altering it's taste (in a good way). In the second meeting that I attended, a lemon was presented. The lemon was cut in half, with one half being taken from the room. The other half was wanded for several minutes. At the end of the wanding cycle, the other half (it being the same half that was removed) was brought back in to the room. We were all given a small sample of the wanded lemon, which actually tasted like a sweet lemon. Then we were given a portion of the unwanded half, which was noticeable more bitter. And when I say noticeably more bitter, I mean it was SOUR.

I have used the wand on my sister and her husband. She had been suffering from a chronic knee pain (caused by running), he, what appeared to be a mild case of Plantar Fasciitis (a condition that I had suffered a couple of years ago, resulting in a surgery). After wanding them both for only a couple of minutes, they both reported less pain, in addition to a "tingling" sensation that was experienced by my sister. She has since raved about how she hasn't experienced any more of these problems that had been plaguing her. Even my brother-in-law's heel condition seems to have fixed itself.

My mother-in-law eventually purchased a pendant (an Amega product that utilizes the Zero Point Energy technology, in a fashionable silver pendant, to be hung around one's neck) for Tiffany. She had been wearing it, but hadn't noticed any changes. In the third meeting that we attended, a woman attended who had medical experience. She was also married to a doctor, and an avid Amega fan. It was at this meeting that she announced that IF you happen to be on anti-depressants, that you should only wand yourself for three minutes or less, as the wand fights against your medications, creating a physical conflict. This made sense, as not only had Tiffany's experience not reaped any positive experience, but she seemed more anxious than any time in recent history. So now, we only wand her for short periods of time... and I get to wear the pendant on a regular basis. I honestly have not felt this good in a long time.

I know that many of you may be shaking your head about what I have said, and I don't blame you. I would be right there with you, if I hadn't experienced it for myself. If you are a local friend that has a medical condition, and you would like to try it out, let me know... I'd be happy to wand you. If you want to research more about the products available, you can go to www.eamega.com.

If you live in the Northern Utah area, and are interested in attending a meeting (honestly, it is a couple hours well spent), let me know, and I will forward the information to you. For those of you who think that I am somebody who is just trying to drive a business, I'm not. I am fully committed to the product, and if there is a potential of making money... well... fine, I'm not going to argue with that. That's the beauty of it... not only will this product change your life PHYSICALLY, but it has the potential of doing it FINANCIALLY, as well. The company is relatively new to America (after finding HUGE success overseas), so it is a good time to be involved.

If you have any questions for me directly, feel free to e-mail me at: zekethefreak3@gmail.com.

There are many products that I haven't even touched on, and some coming out in the near future that will revolutionize personal beauty care. Utilizing the Zero Point Energy wand and the beauty products soon to be released, you can give yourself a literal facelift, with only beauty products and the wand. In areas where these products have been tested, people have not only noticed a (very noticeable) decrease in wrinkles (the infamous "crows' feet, etc.), but have literally caused a lifting of the test subjects facial features. Not only that, but the benefits were documented to have been still visible EIGHT WEEKS following the simple application of the products.

It's exciting, my friends...whether we are talking the all-purpose "wand", the pendant or one of the bracelets (marketed to increase ones circulation, without increasing the heart rate), water energizer (used to energize the water, as well as removing the acidic compounds in water that have been linked with certain kinds of cancer) these products change the way we feel. They have changed the way I feel, and I know they will only continue to help me down the road. It's tough to honestly notice how much they have benefited me, because I don't know what I would feel like without them... but, one thing is for certain, I feel better now than I did 6 months ago...

Fitness Transformation 2010: An update!

2010-08-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

I apologize to anyone that stumbled across this blog and perhaps, even followed it for any given amount of time. It is now the 15th of August, 2010 and I have been sitting at about 190 lbs. My lowest weight was 185, but since then I have not been very disciplined with my eating habits. Yes, I still try and eat a more nutritious breakfast (eggs and whole wheat toast), rather than cold cereal. I have my snack of string cheese and yogurt, but when it comes to dinner, I don't pay much head to my caloric intake. I even occasionally partake of a sugared soda beverage, as I have tried to give up caffeine, and need to satisfy my craving for soda with a caffeine free Mtn. Dew.

Either way, I feel healthy and have (at least) plateaued so that I am not gaining any more weight. I have even dropped off from my excessive workout routines, sometimes only working out once a week or once every two weeks. Summer has been incredibly hectic, and it has been hard to be disciplined about it. I will try and get some pictures taken, so that you can see how I look now, versus the grossness that were my first pictures.

Fitness Transformation 2010: Three weeks in...

2010-04-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

Okay.... so, I've gotten lazy. I haven't been posting each and every day. It was getting a little tedious for me, and I'm CERTAIN that it has been tedious for you. Looking at each and every day, seeing the same menu items and a vague, yet similar workout. We are now three weeks in, and I spent most of the last week at a plateau.

Now, I have spoken to several friends, who have dieted at one time or another, and they all mentioned that your body will reach plateaus in your weight loss. I have heard a multitude of reasons, including the fact that your body realizes that it is losing weight, and begins to hold on to it's energy supply. This may or may not be true, but one thing is for certain, with my workout schedule, my fat is being replaced with muscle... and muscle weighs more.

Regardless, as of this morning (Saturday, April 3rd), my weight was 197.6, which is actually up .6 from yesterday's 197.0. I actually went out to dinner with my parents and brother, this evening, and had a hearty meal of fajitas (from Chile's), so I am not anticipating further weight loss this weekend, what, with Easter and all.

Another development is that Nick (our personal trainer) is no longer living with us, so he is managing our routines from a distance. He calls us with the exercises that we should be doing, and offers any suggestions to help with physical ailments that we may be experiencing.

Tiffany has been dealing with an inflamed rotary cuff (a shoulder injury), so she is very limited as to what she can do. I feel bad for her, as she is, by far, the biggest fitness enthusiast that I have EVER met. It's killing her, not being able to work her shoulders and chest.

Anyhow, that is the update... I will post any significant changes, in the future.... including another set of pictures and measurements.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 9

2010-03-24T09:29:00.001-07:00

March 23rd, 2010

Weight: 202.4 lbs
Fat %: 21.2

Menu:
4 eggs; 2 slices of whole wheat toast (with orange marmalade)
1 banana; 1 20 oz. Mountain Dew
1 6 inch turkey breast, Black Forest ham sandwich from SUBWAY (low fat, low calories)
1/4 cup of "energy trail mix", including raisins, peanuts, almonds, cashews, M&Ms
1 6" Subway sandwich (see above)
2 string cheese; 3 celery sticks (w/ peanut butter, raisins)
1 yogurt, 1 protein shake.

Today was a mess, really. After dropping off one of my older daughters, I was on the way to drop off my youngest, when I realized that I had forgotten my sack of lunch goodies. I didn't think I would have enough time to return home (the Postal Service has gotten so silly with attendance issues that it wasn't worth being a few minutes late), so I was forced to improvise. I got to work, and was feeling lethargic, from the get-go. I needed a diet Mountain Dew to try and drum up some energy, but there is no longer that option at work. I had a regular sweetened drink, and counted that as one of my snacks. Yeah... really healthy. Since I had left all my food, I opted to get a 12" Subway sandwich, choosing one of the healthiest on the menu. I split that up over two "meals", and compensated with a bag of trail mix, featuring many of the items that I would typically be eating, anyhow.

Even with such a ragtag diet, today, I still managed to head in the right direction, as you will see with Wednesday's (tomorrow) weight.

It should be pointed out that (according to our digital scale) I have consistently lost weight, nearly every day. The only exceptions are last week, when I gained .4 lbs, and Sunday, when I apparently gained 1 pound. Nick assured me that it would be impossible to gain a pound, without consuming over 3,000 calories in addition to my daily allotment. That may be the case, and it may have been excess body water. By drinking upwards of 200 ounces of water, it adds a substantial amount of temporary weight to me (for example, I weighed myself at the end of the day, and came in at 208 lbs, where the next morning, I was down to 201 pounds. Hence, the importance of weighing myself at the same time every day (first thing in the morning), and hopefully with an empty stomach... including the digestive system, without getting into detail.

For our workout, we focused on back and biceps. My chest is beginning to get tender from last night's workout, and I'm sure that working such closely related muscles today, will cause a deeper pain. A good pain. It's not too bad... but a reminder that I have been doing some good work. I should learn the names of these exercises, so I can be more specific with my details. All I can say is that today's exercises were split between free weights, and two different machines.

I followed the weight training (once again) with 30 minutes of cardio, on the elliptical machine. I love using that machine, as I need to keep my heart rate relatively low (116 BPM), because of my age and weight. This is the target "fat burning" area, and I don't need to exert myself too much. In addition, I end up burning over 100 calories per each 10 minutes on the machine. This burns between 300 and 400 calories for each 30-40 minutes. Not too bad a way to lose fat....

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 8

2010-03-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Weight: 203.2
Fat %: 20.4

Menu:
4 eggs/ 2 whole wheat toast
1 yogurt; 3 celery sticks.
1/2 chicken breast; 2 string cheese
3/4 chicken breast; banana
Pasta w/ chicken & white sauce, sprinkled with Parmesan cheese
celery sticks w/ peanut butter, raisins and protein shake.

In today's workout we focused on chest and triceps. During the workout, I "repped a plate, 12 times". I don't fully understand what that means, but apparently the gym rats will know what it means. According to Nick, our trainer, that is pretty good for a guy as new to the training world, as me.

Most of what we do is associated with free weights. There are a few exceptions, such as machines to work the shoulders and triceps. Triceps are another area where I seemed to have improved. We were able to put the weight up to 210 pounds, where I successfully completed two reps. The 3rd was more of a struggle, but considering I only ever used to do 80 pounds, I felt good about it.

The workout concluded with 30+ minutes on the elliptical machine, and a protein shake, upon return home. I have been told that it is important to always replenish your protein supply, following a workout.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 7

2010-03-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

March 20th, 2010 A DAY OF REST

Weight: 202.2 pounds
Fat: 20.7

After a week of diet and exercise, I weighed in to find that I have lost a total of 7.2 pounds. This may actually be more than I should be losing, but I still feel healthy and have the energy I need to function... so, I'm happy with it.

Meals:

4 eggs, 2 slices of toast (w/ marmalade)

1 bean and cheese burrito, 1/2 cup of refried beans.

2 string cheese; 1 yogurt

chicken breast (w/ bar-b-que sauce) and vegetables, 1 dinner roll

celery w/ peanut butter and raisins

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 6

2010-03-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

March 20th, 2010

Weight: 204.4 pounds
Fat: 20.7

Because of my late night splurging, last night, I ended up gaining .4 pounds. I have decided that eating the "lite" pizza is not necessarily a bad thing, but it shouldn't be done right before laying down to watch a movie. I definitely made some bad choices with yesterday's meals.

Today's menu:

4 eggs, 2 slices of whole wheat toast (high fiber, protein content)

1 yogurt, 1 celery sprig (3 sticks)

2 slices of LiteCrust chicken garlic pizza, from Papa Murphy's

2 string cheese; banana

1 sprig (3 sticks) of celery (w/ peanut butter); 1/2 cup of raisins

1 spinach salad topped with Ranch dressing and hard boiled egg.

170 ounces of water

There was no workout planned, for today. My exercise was limited to the walking I do at work, which totals approximately 4-5 miles.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 5

2010-03-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

March 19th, 2010

Weight: 204.0
Fat: 21.0

Today's diet was similar to the last few days. It is, as follows:

4 eggs (1 yolk), 1 bowl of Cheerios

2 Choc. Chip Cookies, 6 oz. Trail Mix (peanuts, almonds, cashews, raisins, M&Ms)

6 inch Tuna Sandwich (from Subway, complete with low fat toppings)

1 yogurt, 1 sprig (3 sticks) of celery (w/ peanut butter)

1 sprig celery (3 sticks) (w/ peanut butter); 3/4 cup of raisins

2 slices LiteCrust chicken garlic pizza from Papa Murphy's; 1.5 candy bars; 1/2 choc. cake donut

Where we were originally intending to do a leg workout, because my legs were still sore from Tuesday's workout, I opted for 40 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 4

2010-03-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Day 4 weight: 206.0 lbs Fat: 20.1

Day 4 was another brutal day, for me. After a day of rest (Wednesday), we attacked the shoulders, chest and biceps. My chest and arms have had a decent amount of work, in the past (although not organized, in the least), so the pain is minimal. The biceps have been worked, but as Nick pointed out, there are two sides to the bicep muscle... or, in essence, two different muscles that need to be targeted. The following are pictures of the exercises that I did...

I finished the evening off with another 35 minutes on the elliptical machine.

Today, my diet followed a similar schedule, to the previous days...

3 eggs; 2 slices of toast

2 string cheese, 1 banana

1 1/2 cups of rice and chicken, seasoned with Orange Sesame sauce; 4 TBSP chopped almonds.

3 eggs, 2 slices of toast.

With any luck, the end result will be better than this...

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 3

2010-03-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Day three is really... well... a day off. There were no workouts planned for today, which is a good thing. My legs have not been this sore in YEARS. If EVER. It has been difficult for me to walk up and down stairs, so much that I even had a hard time getting off of the toilet. This is a good thing, in the grand scheme of things, as it is evidence that I have really worked some muscles. I cannot wait to see what the end results of all this are going to be.

March 17th, 2009: 206.0 lbs. (a loss of 1.6 lbs, in the last day) Fat percentage: 20.1

Today's meals include:

4 eggs, 2 yolk; 1 bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios w/ 2% milk

1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich

2 string cheese; 1 slice toast; protein shake

5 prunes; a variety of Costco samples, including several fruit and vegetable "shots", 2 sticks of fish, a small cup of salad with Lt. Ranch dressing.

1 cup of rice, 1 chicken breast, seasoned with Mandarin Orange sauce; 1 side of salad with hard boiled egg.

(Hopefully 170 oz. of water... at least 150, if not more)

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 2

2010-03-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

Morning weight: 207.6 lbs (down 1.8 lbs) with 20.1 body fat.

Day 2 was very similar to day one. For my meals, I had as follows:

3 eggs, 2 slices of multi-grain toast

2 string cheese

2 Wendy's crispy chicken sandwiches, buns removed, with a small amount of Ranch sauce, in place of mayonnaise.

Almonds and banana

1 ground beef and bean burrito with cheese, sour cream and mango salsa. Also, a small side of salad with one hard boiled egg.

1 post-workout protein shake and small sugar cookie.

And, let us not forget... 170 ounces of water, over the course of the day.

For our workout, I did legs. This included a brutal set of squats, getting up to and peaking at nearly 150 lbs. We did a sets of 12, leading up to this final weight, and if I recall correctly, I was only able to do 10 at 145 lbs. We then proceeded to the leg extension machine, where I did 150 lbs. I did sets of 12... or, at least ATTEMPTED to. I succeeded in doing 12 the first time, but then Nick made me hold the last one for 5 seconds. This is intended to cause as much muscle tear as possible, making way for growth. However, because of the exhausting nature of the exercise, it also prohibited me from doing full sets of 12, from that point on. The last exercise was one where I held dumbbells, leaning over with my legs completely straight. The weights are intended to hang, as if your arms are nothing more than straps. This exercise helps work your back, as well as stretch out your hamstrings. We had to cut this series short, as I would feel it in my lower back. This may be due to lack of lower back muscle, and fatigue from job related back stress.

The workout ended with 30 minutes on an elliptical machine.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 1

2010-03-17T09:12:00.001-07:00

Weight: 209.4 lbs/ 19.6 body fat*

*our scale measures body fat, however we question how accurate it is. Our daughter measured her body fat at school and our scale shows a 7 point difference, listing it on the heavy side. We can only assume it is different.

Monday, March 15th was the actual first day of our routine. I woke up and immediately needed to watch what I ate, and more specifically WHEN I ate. Nick (our personal trainer) instructed us to eat small portions, 2 1/2 hours apart. This helps speed up the metabolism, as your body utilizes the food that you give it, instead of storing it away for later use. As beneficial as that "storage" concept sounds, it really just translates to "fat". That is all fat is... it's our bodies way of storing energy for later use. Of course, with the eating habits that we have in our country, that "storage" never gets used. We just add to it. Hence, the importance of keeping portions small, and eating more times throughout the day. In essence, I may still eat the same amount...and the same foods (Nick said we didn't need to give up carbs, as carbs are needed for energy)... it's just spread out throughout the day.

Another important factor is that of drinking 170 ounces of water, each day. Technically, I am supposed to drink an ounce for every pound in my body. Being overweight, that is not an option. The consumption of water also boosts metabolism, and with cold water, helps the body burn calories. It takes energy to heat the water up to a temperature that is ideal for the bodies use. This, of all the factors involved with this regiment, is the toughest for me. I am a Letter Carrier, and spend most of my days outdoors. It is time consuming for me to go to the bathroom often, yet I find myself needing to go every hour... if not more.

Another important dynamic to my diet is that of making sure that I always have protein. We have a specific amount of protein that we need to consume with each meal (Tiffany has been told that she needs 17 grams of protein, I am currently unsure of my amount), and should actually have carbs, as well. The carbs are then used for energy, and the protein goes towards muscle growth. Without the carbohydrates, the protein would be used as energy. Make sense? Sure it does.

My meal breakdown on Monday was, as follows:

4 eggs, 2 slices of multi-grain toast.

2 pieces of string cheese and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

Almonds and small piece of lasagna

Another small piece of lasagna and more almonds

Banana and yet more almonds

Hamburger patty and corn

Post workout protein shake

For the workout routine, Nick concentrated on chest, shoulders and triceps. We utilized several machines and free weights. We did either 3 or 4 sets, often adding weight with each set. The goal was to fatigue the muscles to the point where they could not function. With the chest, we worked them for a solid 20 minutes (with 60 second breaks in between each set), after which Nick told me to do as many push ups as I could. I succeeded in doing five, the first attempt, and only made one the second attempt. My muscles were so fatigued that I couldn't even push myself up off the ground. I had to use other parts of my body to actually get up. I write this on Wednesday 3/17, and fortunately I don't feel too much pain. I attribute this to the fact that my upper body has had weight training, albeit unorganized and much less productive. At least those muscles have seen SOME action, however.

My routine for the evening ended with 30 minutes of fat burning cardio on the treadmill.

Fitness Transformation 2010: DAY 0

2010-03-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

Just a word of warning to the faint of heart: what you will see next may leave you scarred for life.

As stated in the previous post, Tiffany and I are going to be going through a rather aggressive fitness regiment, over the next three months. For Tiffany, who is already a fitness nut (she will work out an average of 2-3 hours a day), this is more a routine to make her physique more defined. For me, this is going to be a program to lose weight, as well as define my muscles. Our middle daughter, Briana, is also going to join in the experiment. Briana has always been our "cuddly" daughter, and really struggles with weight. We are proud of her for agreeing to commit to doing this, although she really worries about the level of commitment that she will be able to give.

The following will document pictures of us, BEFORE the routine begins. As stated, the pictures (specifically of me) are not pleasant to look at.... I am pasty white, and extremely hairy. My gay friends would refer to me as a "bear". The pictures were taken with me in the shape to show the dramatic change that I will go through... so, with great reservation, and very little shame, let us take a look...

I am going to post our meals and workout routines (for each day) so that you will know exactly what we are putting ourselves through. Also, we will try to take new photographs at the beginning of each week, so you can see the progress that we are making. So, make sure you check back to see how we are doing... and, by all means, please feel free to leave comments, criticisms or words of encouragement!

A Mind and Body Experiment: My personal transformation - 2010

2010-03-14T01:24:00.000-08:00

Greetings, friends and strangers.... if there is anyone out there.

As you can probably tell, this blog has been sorely neglected. That is about to change. Currently, we have a young man living with us, who has been a "personal trainer". His certification has lapsed, and in order to re-certify, he needs a test subject to put through a routine, keeping a record... both written and visual... of the transformation of that subject. So, to benefit science, and my personal well being, I have volunteered to be that subject.

Over the course of the last year, I have gained a few pounds, and have had very little success shedding those pounds. Beginning Monday, March 15th, I will changing my diet and exercising habits in an extreme manner. I will spend the better part of the next three months putting my body through things that it has never been through. Chances are, I will be sore through most of that time. This may impact my career (I am a Letter Carrier for the United States Postal Service), but I am determined to follow through. My wife (who is a fitness buff) has always commented that I have the same body shape as Vin Diesel, of whom she openly has a "crush". It is my goal to have a similar physique, at the end of the three months.

So, in order to document everything that happens, this blog will be the home of my transformation. I will keep a weekly journal, complete with photographs, explaining what I have done, and how much weight has been lost. So, please come back and visit. Visit often, and if you feel so inclined, feel free to leave an encouraging comment...... because chances are, I'm going to need them.

"IT IS, AS IT IS": A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

2009-09-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

I just finished listening to one of the best audio books that I have EVER listened to. Why was it so good? Was the suspense keeping me on the edge of my seat? Were the characters riveting, beyond belief? Did it have the right amount of romance, to keep me enticed? Nope. Nada. None of the above.

The book of which I speak, is "THE NEW EARTH", by Eckhart Tolle.

I was first exposed to the writings (and teachings) of Eckhart Tolle, a few years ago, while delivering mail, in the Sugarhouse (a community in Salt Lake City) area. One of my customers (and good friends), Sean, had given me two of the three compact discs, that accompanied the first Eckhart Tolle book, "THE POWER OF NOW". In that book, Mr. Tolle teaches how we need to learn to bring ourselves to "the Now", by letting go of the past, and not dwelling on the future. In this practice, we can reach Enlightenment, and find greater happiness, in our lives. I fully believe this philosophy, as I have people close to me, that suffer with insecurity, as well as depression, based on life experiences. In that book, we are taught that we need to really only focus on the Now... or the present. By doing so, the only part of our lives that remain important, are those experiences that we are currently going through.

These teachings transcend "THE POWER OF NOW", and continue in "A NEW EARTH". In "A NEW EARTH", Mr. Tolle addresses the Ego. Not the ego, as we often think of it... although related to our traditional definition.... at least, MY traditional definition of it. I always associated "ego" with conceited people. Those that felt they were in a class better than others. The following is the definition of "ego", as found in Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

Main Entry: ego
Pronunciation: \ˈē-(ˌ)gō also ˈe-\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural egos
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, I — more at i
Date: 1789

1 : the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world 2 a : egotism 2 b : self-esteem 1 3 : the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality — compare id,

This really struck me as the definition as described by Eckhart Tolle. The self, especially as contrasted with another self or the world. Interesting...
In "A NEW EARTH", we are challenged to overcome ego. Too many times in life, we are controlled by ego.... by how we label ourselves.... or a worry about how others may label US. We worry about the clothes that we wear. Do we fit in a certain class? Will I be accepted by my rich friends? Do I look poor?

I have known people, through the years of my life, that exhibit ego in one way or another. I once knew a young man who was a compulsive liar. His entire life story was either fabricated, or at the very least, exaggerated, in order to make his life seem superior to the lives of others. It was sad to see. What this young man had gone through, during his life, to cause him to act like this, is a mystery. By worrying about what people thought of him, he was never able to truly be "himself".

The second portion of this book deals with the "sick body". According to Mr. Tolle, the "sick body" is a part of us that affects the way we deal with people. The sick body is not actually a part of our essence, but something that we pick up as we move through this phase of our existence. From the moment we are born (when we are actually free of the "sick body", we go through experiences that create a sick body. It may be poor living conditions. It may be abuse. It may be simply living in an environment that is devoid of love. It may be two parents that don't truly love each other, that cause our sick body to grow. We don't even need to be directly abused (whether physically or mentally) to have this pain body grow within.

The "pain body" manifests itself in many ways. Whether through insecurity, anxiety, depression, fear, hate, anger, pain and suffering... these are ALL ways that the pain body oppresses our true self. Because our true self (spirit) is a pure being, the "pain body" is actually a separate entity. Although it is part of who we are, it is NOT part of our true self. Mr. Tolle challenges us to free ourselves from the "pain body", by practicing a few principles, in our lives. First, we need to free ourselves of ego. We need to continually remind ourselves of our TRUE self, and not attach labels to ourselves. We need to free ourselves of titles, such as "dumb", "ugly", "smart", "successful", etc., because by doing this, we put ourselves over (or under) others.

Another principle that Mr. Tolle challenges us to follow, is that of living in the Now. Being completely present. By doing this, we free ourselves of much of the sorrow that we encounter in our lives. He uses the example of getting a flat tire, out in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, in a rain storm. This could be an experience that not only made us completely miserable for 20 minutes, but could ruin an entire day. But, IF we face the situation, simply telling ourselves, "It is, as it is", it reminds us that this is just a part of life. If we approach the situation with a peaceful demeanor, not only will we remain centered (helping to remedy the situation in less time), but our good energy will benefit the situation, including those around us.

In listening to this book, I really began to think about how I live my life... how people perceive me... (keeping in mind that I am just observing, and not judging myself)... and how I perceive others. I think we all work with (or interact with) people who are not pleasant to be around. They are a constant stream of negativity, and we find ourselves at a distance, from these people. These are people with dense "pain bodies". For whatever reason, their lives have been one that has accumulated a dense pain body. Eckhart Tolle likens the pain body to a parasite. As a parasite likes to invade a host body, and feed off of the host bodies nutrition, the pain body invades our natural self, and feeds off of the goodness that naturally dwells within ourselves. This same pain body will also draw us to people with similar pain bodies, creating an even greater negative energy.

Mr. Tolle talks about how there are some places on the earth, get off the plane, and sense a negative energy. I believe this to be true. He comments that this is more common in countries that have been around for thousands of years. A good example is that of the Middle East countries, where there often tends to be hostility (mainly religious, although sometimes based off of gender or nationalities) that creates a dense pain body, among the people of those countries.

Even in a country as young as the United States, there is a reasonable amount of negativity brought on by the collective pain body, because of the history of our country, and it's people. From the initial persecution of the Native Americans, to the slavery of thousands upon thousands of black people, to the several wars that we have been involved in, over the years, we push ourselves further and further, from the true Self.

It is up to each and every one of us, to let go of Ego.... and then let go of the pain body that lives inside each and every one of us. It isn't something that can be done overnight, but as Mr. Tolle teaches, if you but RECOGNIZE the pain body, this is the first step in overcoming it's hold. And with more practice, with a constant reminder to ourselves of all the things contained in this book, we can change this world, for the better. We may not be able to create a Utopian society, but at the very least, we can make OUR lives richer... spiritually speaking... and even touch the lives of those around us.

I recommend that each and every person read this book. It isn't a book for Christians... Hindus... Buddhists... or non-spiritual people, specifically.... it is for EVERYONE. Mr. Tolle calls upon the teachings of Christ, of the Buddha, of different philosophers and teachers throughout the history of the world. He uses their messages, in conjunction with his message, to create a recipe that can not only bring peace to ourselves.... but to the world as a whole.

Thought of the Day...

2009-06-10T19:45:00.001-07:00

I just happened across this brief quote from RALPH WALDO EMERSON...

"CONCENTRATION IS THE SECRET OF STRENGTH"

Think about this, next time you meditate...

HEADACHES? Try this...

2009-06-07T13:39:00.000-07:00

Here is another great tidbit of information from YOGA JOURNAL magazine's e-mail messages.

The postural root of many headaches is the forward head position. In this position, the shoulders are rounded, the upper back is curved, and the muscles in the back and neck are tense. The first sign of a headache is often a tightening of the shoulders and neck. This contraction causes a reduction of blood flow to the vessels of the head, resulting in a headache.

If you're experiencing a headache, try stretching your shoulders and neck. Interlace your fingers behind your back, pull your arms up to the ceiling, and relax your head down to the floor. Or hang forward from the waist with bent knees and hold opposite elbows.

Above all, be aware of your posture in daily activities. Move your head back, roll your shoulders down, and stand tall and proud. Not only will your headaches melt away, but you'll feel more confident, alert, and proud.

WATER: The facts...and the fiction.

2009-06-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

I want to thank my lovely wife Tiffany for sending this link to me. She is a subscriber to Yoga Journal's online e-mail list, where she receives a plethora of informative e-mails. One of her e-mails, which she received today, has really interested me.

For years, I have been told that it is important to drink 8 cups of water, each day. Not 8 cups of liquid, but 8 cups of WATER. Not 8 cups of Gator-Ade, but 8 cups of WATER. I think you get the point.

For the past few years, I have donated blood plasma, on a regular basis. I won't lie... I like the extra money that it brings in... but the main reason why I started doing it, is because I do volunteer work for the Utah Hemophilia Foundation, and my plasma helps my friends with bleeding disorders.

As part of the plasma process, you are encouraged to drink a lot of water both BEFORE and AFTER donation. You are encouraged to drink enough water, so that your urine is clear. You are told that caffeinated beverages will dehydrate you, so you are encouraged to stay away from them. Well... this article that Tiffany sent to me has some DIFFERENT things to say.

The following is a link to the YOGA JOURNAL article, entitled: LIQUID ASSETS, by Catherine Guthrie.

http://www.yogajournal.com/health/1736

Now, I understand that when it comes to the world of medicine (and the many things surrounding one's health and well-being) that it is a world in motion. I liken it to the continually changing theories about the way babies should sleep. When Tiffany and I had babies, we were told to lay the babies on their stomachs. Periodically this changes, and you will hear that it is best to lay a baby on it's back. Like the ebbing tides, so are the principles taught in the world of medicine. I'm sure these "facts" may be looked at differently, some years down the road... but for now, it gives an interesting approach to things that we have been taught over the years.

Cucumbers: One of my least favorite foods... one of the best for you!

2008-11-26T11:07:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this by saying that I am NOT a big fan of cucumbers. I enjoy pickles, which is ironic, considering I don't usually enjoy anything with a vinegar base. BUT, maybe it's time for me to start giving them a little more attention.

Not only are cucumbers a high in fiber, but unlike most foods that are rich in fiber, cucumbers come with their own supply of liquid. This makes the cucumber one of your best friends, if you are in need of getting your digestive system moving. High fiber + liquid = exactly what you want it to... if you are constipated!

Also, cucumbers are great, if you've had diarrhea, as the amount of liquid helps to rehydrate your body, in addition to giving it some much needed nutrients. So there. Even if it isn't your favorite tasting vegetable, give them a shot. They'll do a body good.

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Now playing: ABBA - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)
via FoxyTunes

THE WISDOM OF FORSIGHT

2008-08-31T18:51:00.002-07:00

"TAKE CONTROL OF EVENTS WHILE THEY ARE PEACEFUL. PREVENT DIFFICULTIES BEFORE THEY ARISE. PREPARE FOR ROUGH SPOTS WHILE THE GOING IS STILL SMOOTH. DEAL WITH THE SITUATION BEFORE IT DESCENDS INTO CHAOS"

Lao Tsu (c. 604- c531BCE) China

ONE WORLD...

2008-08-31T18:28:00.000-07:00

"The world will be balanced, when WE are balanced"

Tarthang Tulku (b. 1935/Tibet)

Nourish Yourself First...

2008-08-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

This past week, I read another passage that was very thought provoking to me. It deals with the act of "nourishing ourselves". Allow me to quote from the passage...

'By bringing your own mind, body and emotions into a state of harmony, you become better able to nurture others'.

This really rang true to me. I have recently had surgery on my foot, and have been spending way too much time lying on my bed, and not nearly enough time focusing on my "inner nourishment".

In this same passage, it mentions five pillars of yoga that we can practice, to better nourish our inner beings.

1. Right exercise.
2. Right breathing.
3. Right thinking.
4. Right nutrition.
5. Right relaxation.

Although I have had plenty of relaxation, I may not have had the PROPER relaxation. Exercise? Not much, while recovering from the surgery. Right thinking? Possibly, but there is always room for improvement. Right nutrition? When my wonderful wife prepares the meal, yes... when I am left to my own devices, probably not.

As you ponder these five things, take a mental note of what YOU can improve on. Make it a point to change just one or two things in your daily life, that will help nourish your inner spirit. By doing so, it will better prepare you for your dealings with others. And if we all did that, well... the world would be a much better place.

A Sacred Space, A Quiet Space

2008-08-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

"YOGA IS SERENITY"
Bhagavad Gita (400-300 BCE)

I have a wonderful, little book (really, it's only 3" x 4-5" x 2" thick) called, 1,001 PEARLS OF YOGA WISDOM, by LIZ LARK. This book is a wonderful treasure, and is filled with wonderful bits of wisdom, ideas, poses, and general information that will help make your life a more relaxing AND fulfilling experience.

The one thing that caught my eye, the other day, is a little paragraph that talks about creating a "sacred space". Although this paragraph talked of creating a sacred space for your asana practice (yoga practice), I was inspired to take it a step further. First, let me quote the paragraph, word for word...

"Create your own personal, distraction-free space for meditation and asana practice at home. Make it a place you can return to where you can "switch off" completely. Site it beside a window if possible so that you can reflect on nature."

I think it was the part about reflecting on nature that made me think of one of MY favorite places. Our house is situated on a hill, although the hill drops off behind the front side of the house. It really isn't noticeable from the street, as the house looks like a one story house, with a possible basement. In reality, you enter the house on ground level, but it is actually the top level of a two level home. As you move through the top level, you exit through a sliding glass door on the back end of the house. Where the front of the house is on ground level, the back end of the house is actually a balcony, that is a full 7-8 feet off of the ground. We are also blessed to have one of the largest Cottonwood trees in the area. My "fortress of solitude" is on this balcony, where I like to sit in a comfortable chair, and do one of several things. I love reading, I love playing the guitar, and sometimes I just enjoy sitting and listening to the leaves of the tree rustle in the breeze. The house also sits on a third of an acre property, most of which is situated in the back yard. Although this is a small bit of land for you country folk (or wealthy folk), it's a decent sized yard for the area. I am not bragging (truth be told, there are times that I'd rather have a smaller yard) about the size of the yard, but because of the size, we sometimes have several winged friends that like to come and visit. Of all the places in my yard, this is probably the most peaceful. Well, with the exception of the planes that fly overhead, as we are right in the flight path of the Salt Lake International Airport. BUT, even the planes are peaceful to me.

Regardless, my piece of advice for you, today, is to find a place where YOU can find peace. Sometimes, in the chaos of life, we can lose control of our surroundings. Even if our houses are a bit messy, or just full of clutter, try and find one little place, that you can rid of stress causing messes, a make that your sanctuary. Even if our houses are complete chaos, if we have that ONE place where we can escape to, you will find an amount of peace in your life.

So, whether you are a yogi, and need a place for meditation and asana practice, or you are a stressed out single parent who needs a place to escape, try and create that place that will bring you that peace you need.
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Now playing: The Cure - High

Let's Burn Calories the TASTY WAY!

2008-07-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

I should point out that it may not accurately be described as "burning calories", but your bodies can better metabolize the sugar that we consume, with the aid of one of our favorite spices! CINNAMON!

Researchers have shown that a 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of cinnamon with food helps metabolize the sugar up to 20 TIMES BETTER than food NOT eaten with cinnamon. How does this benefit us? Well, sugars that are not utilized through our everyday activities, including exercise, are stored away as fat. Fat is our bodies proverbial "72 hour kit", and is stored away, in case the body needs it for fuel at a later time. In most cases, we will always consume more calories than our bodies need to work, so we just keep adding to our fat stockpiles.

So, if this is the case, utilizing cinnamon in your diet will help to break down the sugars, and speed up the metabolism process used to convert sugars into energy. So, that means LESS fat stockpiles.

Does this mean that my Hot Tamales will metabolize faster than Mike and Ike's?
What? That's not the same thing?? Curses!!

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Now playing: Bel Canto - Summer
via FoxyTunes

My favorite new Yoga DVD!

2008-07-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that one of my cheapest yoga DVDs, ended up being one of my favorite? I have yoga vinyasa, taught by some of the world's leading yogis, including Cyndi Lee, Baron Baptiste, Rodney Yee, Michael Franti (with his yogi friends), among others.

Several months ago, I picked up a DVD at NPS (to find out more about NPS, go to my music blog http://unclezekesmusicemporium.blogspot.com/ , and you will more fully understand the type of store that it is), by Natural Journeys (a company that I had not heard of), entitled "Sacred Yoga: PURE TRANQUILITY" Practice Vinyasa Flow with RAINBEAU MARS. Now, maybe my two years of reading, studying and practicing yoga are not sufficient for me to know the work of Ms. Rainbeau Mars, but the name was foreign to me. If it weren't for the fact that the DVD had a $3.99 sticker price, as well as a possible discount of 40-50% (a common thing with NPS DVDs), I probably would not have made the purchase. As it was, I bought the disc.

As happens with many of my NPS discs, it sat for a while. Finally, a couple months ago, I pulled the disc out and tried out the vinyasa found on the disc. I was immediately drawn to the peaceful atmosphere created by the disc, even though the quality seemed rather low budget. It was recorded on the shores in Hawaii, where a platform was fitted along a lava rock shoreline, with the ocean waves breaking in the background. You also see the occasional traditional Hawaiian canoes passing by, in the background.

The other thing that sets this disc apart from all my other yoga DVD workouts, is the absence of many of the traditional yoga poses, including Sun Salutations, etc. This disc has one primary focus, which is preparing your body for meditation. Now, before some of you roll your eyes at the thought of meditation, please understand that meditation does NOT always involve the chanting of OM, or any other sacred mantras. Meditation can simply be a time set aside to sit in silence, where you allow yourself to focus on one particular thing, or as you become advance, NO particular things. The peace that stems from controlling your thoughts is one that is tough to describe. Just as your physical body needs to occasionally be purged of food and toxins (through special diets, or simple "fasting"), so does the mind need to be cleared of the clutter that bogs us down.

The other night, I was especially frustrated by a couple of situations in my personal and family life, and after realizing that I was on a particularly short fuse, I simply gave myself a "time out", and went into my room to engage in some yoga... something of which I haven't done in a while. I pulled out this Sacred Yoga disc, with Rainbeau Mars, and proceeded to do the stretches to prepare myself for meditation. This 30 minute workout features ONLY seated poses, and works to stretch your back, including your lumbar back (lower back), as well as your legs.

For anyone that has participated in any form of sitting meditation, you know that your back can begin aching, if you are not adequately prepared. And sometimes AFTER preparation. That is all part of the meditation process... overcoming discomfort, and focusing on other things. Not only did this series of stretches give me the physical relief that I needed, but it prepared me for a simple ten minute meditation. When all was said and done, I not only felt better (physically), but I was in a state of mental well being.

As a Letter Carrier, for the USPS, I need to regularly do yoga vinyasa, just to bring relief to my backaches that I occasionally feel. But the meditation, in addition to the vinyasa, brings a complete sense of inner peace, as well as physical peace.

In addition to the 30 minute yoga vinyasa, there is also a fifteen minute bonus guided meditation on this DVD, that takes you through the seven chakras, and gives you meditations for each.

For anyone remotely interested in the peaceful side of yoga, which is MY personal favorite, this DVD hits the spot. I just browsed www.naturaljourneys.com to get a picture of the DVD, and see that this disc is part of a four DVD set, as well as an individual disc. The individual disc was listed on sale, for the low, low price of $1.98. I wholeheartedly recommend this disc for those of you who need a little inner peace.

The Power of Being Present (Thought 1)

2008-07-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

THE POWER OF BEING PRESENT

OBSERVE how the mind labels an unpleasant moment and how this labeling process, this continuous sitting in judgment, creates pain and unhappiness...

Eckhart Tolle

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Now playing: No-Man - Truenorth
via FoxyTunes

Our latest workout regimen: Wii FIT!

2008-05-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

So, amidst all the workout activities that go on in our home (mostly Tiffany doing any number of yoga/kickboxing/step aerobics videos), we have something that is getting the entire family involved... Wii FIT!

New on the market, this past week, Wii Fit will undoubtedly create a new enthusiasm in the world of fitness... as long as people take advantage of it. I can only predict that, like most fitness items, there will be a lot of Wii Fit games collecting dust, after a matter of a few weeks. The reason being, is that most people get into a new fitness activity for a few days, but then quickly revert back to their normal routine. Tiffany is one of the only people I know, that is wholeheartedly devoted to all things fitness. BUT, this is probably the greatest invention to come along, that will keep MORE people involved.

I think the folks at Nintendo have really gone above and beyond, when it comes to interactive video gaming. This generation of children is becoming more and more lethargic, as their lives are being taken over by fast food and gaming systems that leave them sitting on a couch, with thumbs twitching away. Now, do I think these games are a complete waste? No, as long as they are played in moderation. I think that the hand/eye coordination of today's youth, is probably much better than generations past.

The latest album from my favorite band, Porcupine Tree, entitled "FEAR OF A BLANK PLANET", is all about the progressive mind numbing of the youth of today. From ADHD medication, anti-depressants, and the video gaming culture in which they are brought up in, so many of today's teens are becoming mindless zombies.

I see a healing trend, if people, both young and old, take advantage of the great opportunities afforded with the Wii Fit game.

The first thing you do, is create a Mii, which is your interactive, virtual character. You enter in your age, and with a series of balance exercises, the Wii Balance Board will calculate your core balance with your age, as well as your weight, and determine what kind of shape you are in. And BEWARE, this Wii system is BRUTALLY HONEST! I am just over 200 lbs, at 5'9", and could stand to lose a few pounds, but the Wii system set me in the upper regions of "overweight", and just shy of being classified "obese". So, to try and prove it wrong, I went to a website that calculates your BMI (Body Mass Index), and it merely proved what the Wii system had to tell me.
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

So, when I considered myself a moderately fit person, I have been told that I am borderline obese. Humbling, to say the very least. Regardless, with the variety of workouts available, from yoga to aerobics, running to hula hooping, Latin dancing to strength training, there is something for EVERYONE. The whole concept of this game, is to get people moving, get their heart rate up, and get them having FUN, in the meantime.

A big thumbs up, from me... except I wish that the personal trainers' mouths would move when they talk. It really creeps me out!

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Now playing: Paul Oakenfold - Ready Steady Go (feat. Asher D.)
via FoxyTunes

Green Tea... BEEFED UP! (Not Literally, vegetarians... don't panic!)

2008-05-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

Another thing I want to do on this blog, is to occasionally put down some diet things that sound exciting to me. I was reading a book that talks about the health benefits of certain foods, and came across something that actually incorporated green tea, yet sounded tasty!

The health benefits of green tea are widely known, but for those of you who are a little less informed, let me mention a few:

- Reduces weight while fighting off a variety of diseases.
- It increases exercise endurance.
- It inhibits the enzymes that help turn food into fat.

Anyhow, try out this tasty recipe, and see if it makes it a little more appetizing...

GREEN TEA REFRESHMENT

2 tbs. green tea leaves
2 cups apple or peach juice
4 tsp. honey (which is optional)

Pour 1 cup boiled water onto the tea leaves and brew for 3-5 minutes; strain into a pitcher and leave to cool. Stir in the juice and honey, then pour over ice and serve. In glasses, silly. Not on the counter.

Anyhow, this sure sounds like a tasty summer treat, that is hopped up with goodness. Not just goodness, but GREEN GOODNESS!

Try it out, and let me know what you think...

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Now playing: The Alan Parsons Project - To One In Paradise
via FoxyTunes

Inner peace through a basic lifestyle...

2008-05-05T19:56:00.000-07:00

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Now playing: moe. - The Col
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: China Crisis - The World Spins, I'm Part Of It
via FoxyTunes
I came across an article the other day, that really got me thinking about how we as human beings go through life. We spend so much of our time, energy, and even money, striving to find the veritable "fountain of youth", that seems to escape each and everyone of us, as the years pass by. The article was about Jamie Lee Curtis, who is now 50 years of age. She is married to one of my favorite filmmakers of all time, Christopher Guest. I don't know much about their relationship, but the bits and pieces that I have read over the years, eludes to the fact that they are very normal people. Hollywood is riddled with people that try to be something that they aren't. Maybe that is why so many actors congregate there, so that they can get paid to NOT be themselves.

Anyhow, I am going to post a small portion of the article, as it appears in AARP magazine. I admire the sensibility that Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Guest have. If we can all have the attitude that these two share, the world would be a much happier place. All quotes are from Jamie Lee Curtis...

“I want to be older. I actually think there’s an incredible amount of self-knowledge that comes with getting older. I feel way better now than I did when I was 20. I’m stronger, I’m smarter in every way, I’m so much less crazy than I was then.

“Years ago my husband and I were at the Golden Globes. I was wearing some borrowed dress that wasn’t me, my hair was done in a way that I never wear my hair, and I had earrings on. And my husband said, ‘You know who is the most beautiful woman in the room?’ And I was hoping he was going to say me. And he pointed across the room at Jessica Tandy. She was sitting at a table wearing a cream-colored silk-shantung pantsuit. Single strand of pearls, short white hair, a little lipstick—nothing else. And I thought, ‘He’s totally right.’ There was none of the pretense, none of the trying so hard.

“My style is a distillation. I’ve etched out who I am through myriad haircut attempts, outfit attempts, beauty attempts, diet attempts. It’s been an evolution. I’ve let my hair go gray. I wear only black and white. Every year I buy three or four black dresses that I just keep in rotation. I own one pair of blue jeans. I’ve given away all my jewelry, because I don’t wear it.

I have always been drawn towards people who are genuine... people who are content with who they are. After reading this article, I thought of a good friend of mine, who seems to always be striving for eternal youth. Through a growing amount of cosmetic surgery procedures, she always tries to be as beautiful as she can be. Truthfully, I think that people who rely on doctors to make them pretty, are actually making themselves more unattractive in the long run. I know I don't speak for all men, but celebrities like Pamela Anderson are anything but attractive. If you have ever seen her high school yearbook picture, you would know what I'm talking about. She is a totally different person. Now, I have never met her, nor do I plan to ever meet her, but one thing I can guarantee, is that she is NOT going to become more genuine as she ages.

I live in a house full of girls, and I have always appreciated my wife's natural beauty. I have only ever seen her totally "made up" a couple of times. She had a "glamour shot" sitting back in 1995, where she was totally made up, and has had a couple of makeovers at the Dillards makeup counter. Other than that, she usually just limits herself to some eyeliner and mascara. I have told her that she doesn't even need that, and in all honesty, she would probably become a happier person if she could see her natural beauty. Now, when it comes to this, there are things that I need to begin practicing, myself. One of the things that has always made me feel insecure, is the amount of hair that I have on my back and shoulders. There have been a couple of times that I have gone through the pain of getting my back waxed, because I hate the amount of hair. While delivering mail in the SugarHouse area of Salt Lake, I became good friends with everybody's favorite gay florist, Sean. First off, he has the coolest name in the world, and second off, he was just a great guy. He was the one person that continually told me that I should be comfortable with who I am. He's a hairy guy as well, so it isn't unfounded, what he was telling me. So, this lesson is for me, as well as anyone who needs to let go of the social pressures of trying to be beautiful. Beauty comes from WITHIN. Just as Christopher Guest pointed out how Jessica Tandy was the most beautiful woman in the room, because she was the most genuine, we can all find happiness in being who we are... already. Not to mention the thousands of dollars that we can save on cosmetic procedures!

So, in closing, my challenge for you, is to find a way to become completely content with who you are. If you need to do the "Stewart Smalley" (Al Franken's great character on SNL, back in the late 80's-early 90's) thing, and look at yourself in the mirror, continually repeating to yourself how beautiful you are, then DO IT! If reading a book about positive thinking is what is right for you, then DO IT! If a simple meditation is what will work for you, then DO IT! And know that any preaching I am currently doing, is directed towards ME, as well. Me and my hairy, hairy back... and shoulders... and chest. Yeah, it'll take some work for me, too.

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Now playing: China Crisis - Strength Of Character
via FoxyTunes

Spring Cleaning: Part II

2008-04-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

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Now playing: Big Muff - My Funny Valentine
via FoxyTunes I just wanted to continue (and conclude) my thoughts on Spring cleaning. The reason why I even began this post, as well as the previous post (part I), was an inspiration from reading "MINDFUL YOGA, MINDFUL LIFE", by Charlotte Bell. If you want to read a little more about this book, you can follow the link over to one of my other blogs, "What Was I Thinking?". It is currently the most recent post on that particular blog. In her book, she goes into great detail about the "8 limbs of Yoga". In the book, she talks about the "5th yama", which is "aparigraha", which means "letting go". It is also translated as "nongreed" or "nongrasping". What a surprise... spell check isn't liking ANY of these bizarre words that I'm writing!

Anyhow, let me describe "aparigraha" for you... even if spell-check doesn't want me to! In life we are always gathering new things. It could be material possessions like clothing, books, music, cars, movies, etc. We also gather a lot of non-physical items, such as hobbies, responsibilities, or even in my case, church callings. Let us talk about the physical items for a moment. One of the things that I will use as an example are DVD movies. I began collecting DVD movies back in 1999, when I first purchased a DVD player. Before my purchasing a DVD player, I owned an old Pioneer Laser Disc player, which is now obsolete technology. I remember going to Inckley's, in Salt Lake City, to rent my laser discs. I vividly remember a couple of gentlemen discussing the forthcoming technology of Digital Video Discs (DVD), and how they couldn't fathom the fact that ANYTHING could be better quality than the beloved laser discs. For those of you who may not know, laser discs were 12 inch discs, very similar to a DVD, apart from the size. The technology only allowed 30-60 minutes of information on each side of the disc, depending on how clear of an image (and sound) that you wanted. The better the image, the less information per side of the disc. For example, I owned the Star Wars trilogy box set, which featured the three original Star Wars movies, taking up 5 sides of 3 total discs, for EACH movie. Every 30 minutes you had to jump up and turn over the disc... or replace the disc. It was well worth it, because the image and sound was infinitely better than the classic VHS tapes. Looking back, I laugh at the difference in quality between the classic 12 inch laser disc, and the current 5 inch DVD, which is still not the best technology out there. Now we have Hi-Def DVD's, as well as BlueRay (or whatever they are called) discs. In my opinion, it will soon get to the point where only our canine friends will be able to tell the difference in sound. I don't know enough about canine vision to know how they would react to either picture. It always amuses me when I watch a standard DVD, and they have an advertisement for some of the new Hi-Def technology, and the picture actually seems to look better... even though I'm watching it on my OLD DVD player, as well as my OLD 32" TV. Could they actually make the image better on the classic disc, or is it just my imagination buying into the new technology?

This really isn't what I am trying to convey, so let me get to the point. I used to collect all the new movies that came out, and then it occurred to me that so many of the movies which I purchased, just seemed to collect dust. Most movies are only good for 1 or 2 viewings, in my mind. Now, there are a few movies that I will never tire of... The Blues Brothers, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, any and all Christopher Guest movies, as well as some others. We have collected the Harry Potter movies, and although I rarely watch any of them, will probably hold onto them. But what about all these movies that I never watch? Am I collecting them, just to have them become an obsolete technology? My parents used to collect a massive amount of VHS tapes, which they still have... taking up bookshelf space. Now they have a piece of furniture dedicated to their DVD library, which is now full, and overflowing. I ask myself how many of those movies they will they even watch twice? I decided that I would sell any of my movies that likely wouldn't get a second or third viewing. Sometimes I regret the decision to sell a movie, but most of the time I am just practicing the 5th yama, aparigraha. I am letting go. Do I miss most of the movies? Not at all. Am I helping to cut down the environmental impact by letting someone else have the movie that I already owned? Absolutely.

The same goes for clothing. One of my guilty pleasures is that of collecting humorous t-shirts. From my "Mullets Rule" shirt, to my "Mr-T: I Pity the Fool" shirt, I have quite a collection. One of my children was just commenting on how I had TOO MANY shirts. In her book, Mindful Yoga, Mindful Life, Charlotte Bell talks about how she will always give away an outfit, when she purchases a new one. She love the feeling of giving a friend something that was special to her, and receives great satisfaction seeing the outfit used by someone else, when it would probably just collect dust in her closet. This is practicing the art of "letting go". Much of my music collection has been converted to a format which is usable on my iPod. Do I listen to most of those compact discs, anymore? Not at all. For me, it is all about my iPod. I do have certain titles that I will never sell, but there are some that would be better served in someone else's hands. I sell much of my own collection on Half.com and eBay. If you ever stumble across anything for sale by "totally.retro", it would be something that has passed through MY hands. As far as clothing is concerned, I am currently in the process of going through my old t-shirts, and finding those shirts that I can either donate to a charitable thrift store, or just dispose of in the proper way. Some of my old concert shirts are ones that I have held on to for many years, only for sentimental reasons. Most never get worn. Do I need them, cluttering up my personal space? No. Is it hard to "let go"? Yes, sometimes... but when I allow myself to do that, I know that I will really never miss those items.

Now, before I close, let me go on about the non-physical items, such as hobbies. One of my favorite things to do, is watch a good television program. I have several that are set up with "season passes" on my Tivo recorder. 24 (when it actually airs), The Office, My Name is Earl, Flight of the Conchords and Rescue Me are just a few of the titles that I enjoy watching. It is a great escape for me. Now, because of budgetary reasons, there are occasions where we don't have our satellite service operating. Do I panic? No, actually I find those times rather liberating. They allow me to spend more time reading, or playing guitar, or doing some of these various internet duties that I have. Yes, I occasionally need to get online and watch an important episode that I may have missed, but for the most part, my life goes on. I always look forward to the summer, because my television viewing becomes very limited, giving me more time to enjoy a hike, or just sit on the back balcony and play my guitar.

We must prioritize our lives, deciding what is most important, and what we can let go. One of our daughters has become a very popular girl, where she is actively involved in drama, choir, piano, and now an elected student body position at her junior high school. She is succeeding more than I ever did, but at the same time, she shows great signs of stress and anxiety. She is always worn down, and often worries about not having enough time to do what she needs to do. At the same time, she runs around with her cell phone, continually texting friends, and always trying to get some time online to chat with these friends. In my opinion, she isn't over burdened, she just needs to prioritize her life, and figure out what things she just needs to "let go". I think she would be able to add at least an hour to her day, if she just put down her cell phone for a while. Another one of her big concerns is that she doesn't ever exercise, and she is always tired, requiring her to take a nap on a daily basis. In my opinion, if she took that nap time and exercised, not only would she make more time, but she would be more energized.

Yes, it's hard to let go of things that we love, or those hobbies that we love doing. The old adage states "Jack of all trades, master of none". I often wish that I was a better guitarist. Maybe I could be, if I just made that my top priority. I haven't, and I will probably never be great. Sometimes we need to just sit back and look at our lives, and ask ourselves what is most important. If we have families, maybe that should be our top priority. If not, what is it that we most want to accomplish? I had a former co-worker friend who stated that she didn't own a television. At first I thought that was crazy, especially knowing how much she loved quirky cinema. Now I realize what she was accomplishing by that. She was looking for a sense of inner peace, that most can only realize after not having those media distractions. Do I wish that life was what our pioneer forefathers experienced? No, but I'm sure they had a better sense of what was important in their lives.

We live in an age where there are so many distractions that are pulling us away from what truly makes us the happiest. Take time to sit back and reevaluate what brings you happiness, and try to make those changes necessary to bring you a sense of inner peace.

Time For Some Spring Cleaning!

2008-04-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks. It's time to dig out your rubber gloves, your favorite disinfectant, maybe even those little bubbles that clean the bathtub... you know the ones... like little motor cars zipping around your tub cleaning all the grit and grime that your family members have been leaving behind!

Actually, the Spring cleaning that I am referring to, is your MENTAL spring cleaning. In essence, one of the best ways for us to achieve a sense of inner peace, is to clean every facet of our lives. The environment in which we dwell should be clean, as should our thought patterns. Well, maybe I should use the word 'organized' for our thought patterns. I don't want to make this sound like a religious sermon on keeping our thoughts clean, although in my life, that is a helpful aspect of MY mental health.

In my life, I have always been a pack rat, and one with a usual amount of clutter in most of the rooms that I dwell. This very computer at which I sit is usually littered with compact discs, some of which I have recently ripped to iTunes, or some of which I have been listing for sale on eBay or Half.com. My little music business is not the most organized routine that you will encounter. I am working on it, and hopefully in the end it will make my business dealings a smoother process, as well as help me to find a little more peace at the computer. At times messes don't phase me, and other times that cause me to feel a certain amount of anxiety. It is a feeling of loosing control. Now, please don't think that I am advocating that EVERY facet of our lives needs to be tightly controlled. That way of thinking is, in my opinion, one of the greatest causes of depression.

In the state of Utah, our population is one of the most heavily medicated (per capita) in the United States. When I say "medicated", I refer to prescription anti-depressants and anxiety medications. Even I had a short stint with Celexa, an anti-depressant. Did I feel better with the medication? Probably. Did I suffer from side effects? Yes, I recall having a dry mouth, as well as sexual side effects. Some of which were to my advantage, so don't think I'm complaining TOO much.

What are the factors that lead people to get on anti-depressants? It is my opinion, that in the state of Utah, so many people get on anti-depressants because they feel that so much is expected of them, and that they don't live up to those expectations. Especially in a society that is overwhelmingly populated by the LDS church, which has a high standard of living. People in our church are discouraged from drinking, smoking, having sexual relationships outside of the bonds of marriage, as well as refraining from some of society's "norms", such as R-rated movies. Not everyone in the church lives all the rules, and many pay little heed to these moral and physical restrictions. Some people may choose to engage in these activities, and end up feeling less about themselves, because of the expectations that are placed on their heads. I feel that it is thought patterns like this that cause this mental clutter that destroys one's peace of mind.

Am I advocating the use of prescription mood enhancers? No. I wish that people could take time to figure out those things that wear on them emotionally (and mentally), and do whatever it takes to heal themselves. Do I think that some people need these medications? Yes. Heaven knows, we are all wired differently.

In my opinion, the greatest way to bring a sense of peace to our minds and souls is by doing this mental AND physical cleaning of which I spoke of, earlier. If we live in an organized environment, it brings a sense of peace. If things are clean, we feel peace. Such is the situation with our minds. We live in a society where more and more suffer depression and anxiety because of the schedules that they are forced to keep. We also live in a world that is riddled with tools that SHOULD help us to organize our time better, yet some of them just add to the chaos that we are surrounded in. We have computers, PDA's, the Internet, "smart phones", mp3 players equipped with all kinds of special features, Bluetooth technology, and GPS, which tells us WHERE to drag our busy bodies. In my line of work, as a Letter Carrier, I spend the bulk of my workday outdoors. A cell phone is more a necessity than a luxury. Just this past week, my truck's alternator failed, and I was forced to call my office to get a truck mechanic out to replace the alternator. There were several conversations that took place, that would have been difficult, had I been forced to go to a local residents house, and use their phone. It seems like cellular phones have made our lives so much easier, and in many ways they have. BUT, at the same time, it feels as if we have an umbilical chord attached to ourselves. There have been a few occasions where I have forgotten my cell phone, and I actually encountered a sense of peace from NOT having my children calling me with all their problems. Sometimes we just need to escape all the nagging and complaining of children, bill collectors and employers, and have some time to ourselves. With my job it is possible, and I understand that in some occupations it's not. All the more reason why we need to take time out of our busy day to find that peace.

For me, meditation is one of the greatest ways to bring me that mental peace. Being able to dim the lights, turn on the small electric fountain, put on a guided meditation or just some quite, relaxing music may be all I need to bring my mind into focus. It has helped me deal with anxiety, and it has helped me become a little more patient. I truly notice that the periods where I go several days without meditation, seem to be the times where I am much more anxious with those I love. In my home, I am seen as a laid-back, mellow guy... with a real temper. I am one of those individuals that seems to let things build up, and then when I blow... I BLOW! If I can let the steam off before it hits those "red levels", it is better not only for my wife and children, but for myself.

Take time for yourself. Get away from the children, the significant other and the employers, if only for 20 minutes. Do what YOU need to do, to bring YOU peace.

I will close this post for now, and continue with some thoughts of prioritizing our lives, and the benefits of cleaning our minds, NEXT TIME!

Stay tuned...

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Now playing: Simon & Garfunkel - The Sound of Silence
via FoxyTunes

As if TWO Blogs weren't enough!

2008-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

I don't seem to have enough time to post on the two blogs that I have already started, yet I feel inclined to present a third blog. I will do my best to divide my time between the three blogs. My first blog is Uncle Zeke's Music Emporium, where I simply go on about one of my favorite things... music! The second is just a place for me to share my thoughts, and record some of the things going on in my life. Believe it or not, that is actually the hardest blog for me to come up with fresh ideas. I guess I could simply just write my thoughts, which I may begin doing. Just open my life up to the world. Anyhow, the purpose of my creating this blog, is to set a foundation for a blog that Tiffany will take over. This is actually the blog that I hope will take off someday. Tiffany is currently in the process of certification with AFAA, the American Fitness and Aerobics Association. Or Aerobics and Fitness Association of America. You get the point. She has taken the test, and is awaiting the results. She is currently studying for a basic Yoga certification, after which she will expand on to other forms of fitness. Yoga is where we really want to focus our work. I say OUR work, because Tiffany and I have talked about setting a long term goal to open our own Yoga studio. That would be years off, at this point, as it takes many years of studying to be in a position to do that. But from a business standpoint? The overhead is small. Rent (or own) an open space, make sure it's designed well, and have a few props. Oh, and clientelle. I guess that would be an important factor. Anyhow, I am studying different forms of meditation, mental wellness, and things to make one look at life in a positive light. I have really admired the work of Cyndi Lee and her husband David Nichtern, who have a wondeful DVD that features meditation instruction (and guided meditation) with David Nichtern, and 15 minute asana practices. That is what I would love to do, if we are able to achieve that goal. I would leave Tiffany to do the asana practice, I would do the mental wellness/meditation work.

Anyhow, with that in mind, this blog will be dedicated to all things healthy. Body and mind. I will share discoveries that I have come across: things involving diet, things involving exercise, things involving positive mental thinking. I will do my best to share things that may not be common knowledge to most people. As I am not a doctor, I will do my best to give credit to those whose information I use. I will also make it a point to only post things that are backed up with scientific fact, or things that I feel strongly about. I will spend the next couple days getting pictures, links and information posted on the blog. Feel free to bookmark this blog, or check out my other blogs, if you want to spend some good quality time looking into the mind of someone else. It's always a fun escape...

Thanks for looking.